


Vanity Deep

by CHENstagram



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-08
Updated: 2015-01-08
Packaged: 2018-03-06 16:46:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 39,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3141572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CHENstagram/pseuds/CHENstagram
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It may have started when Kyungsoo met Chanyeol when they were little girls, or when she accidentally sent that nude snapchat to her somewhat-vain best friend instead of her boyfriend, but by the end of it all, Kyungsoo was in deep—pity she couldn't read said vain best friend's mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vanity Deep

To say Kyungsoo was fuming would be an understatement. Like every other 5 year old who was just starting kindergarten, she’d brought all the stuff that she needed for the first day. That included her newly-bought crayons and pencils, a chicken sandwich for lunch, and her frightened self. She felt sorry for her mother, who had to drag her inside the school while almost coughing her head off.

Everyone stared at her mother, and Kyungsoo knew better than to throw them dirty looks. Not with her mom around, at least. Kyungsoo knew her mom was sick, because she’d overheard her parents talk about it before. Her mother had said goodbye to her with a kiss on the cheek and a, “Good luck with your first day, Soo.” Kyungsoo wanted to cry but she refused to be a little baby.

First lesson went by and Kyungsoo learned how to count from numbers 1 to 8. She would probably have known how to count to the number 10 if this absurdly tall girl from the back of the class wasn’t being too loud and noisy which caused Kyungsoo to lose concentration. The girl was always raising her hand, even if a question wasn’t asked. It irritated Kyungsoo more than anything.

By recess, Kyungsoo already wanted to go back home. Maybe she could ask for the teacher to take her back. Kyungsoo had seen her mom talking to the teacher. That meant she was a friend, right? She glanced at the sandwich she was holding. Eating could wait. She would eat at home.

Kyungsoo saw two boys from her class and proceeded to walk towards them, food still in hand.

One of them recognized her from that morning. “Hey, you’re that kid with the sick mom!”

Kyungsoo stopped in her tracks. “What?”

The other one joined in. “Yeah, it’s her. I’m glad my mom is not like that.”

Oh, now they just made her go from pissed to ultra-pissed. Kyungsoo didn’t even bother replying. She kicked one boy’s foot which made him tumble to the ground on his ass. After she made sure that he was down, she fled, swift as lightning.

But her feet hadn’t been quick enough, because seconds later they had caught up with her and grabbed onto her backpack, causing her sandwich to fall to the floor. Kyungsoo didn’t like this situation at all.

The one she had kicked was red in the face and he did not look happy. His eyes caught her sandwich, though. Kyungsoo made an attempt to get the sandwich before he had it in his evil clutches, but it was too late; he was already waving it in her face. “Did your mommy make this for youuuuuu?” he teased.

Curse Kyungsoo for being short. She couldn’t reach it even if she tried, she knew. Her dad had made that sandwich for her, because he was so excited about his ‘baby girl’ finally starting school. Thinking about school, she realized her mom had lied. She said Kyungsoo would have a lot of friends on her first day, that she wouldn’t have to worry about being left alone because someone would be there for her. Kyungsoo blamed her mom. _If only she didn’t leave me in this place… this wouldn’t have happened._

“Stop!” All three of them turned to the source of the voice. It was that tall, noisy girl from class, Kyungsoo noticed. The girl was frowning with her eyebrows and had her hands on her skinny hips. “Give it back to her! Or I’ll call the teacher!”

Kyungsoo’s eyes were veiled with suspicion. Why was this girl helping her? She didn’t need help. She could clearly beat those two boys with her own bare hands. Kyungsoo was about to tell her to go look for her own fight when her offenders gave the tall girl a look of defeat and hurriedly ran off with Kyungsoo’s sandwich still in their hands. Kyungsoo was not sure if the tall savior was a true hero or just another bully. Needless to say she kept glaring just to show that she wasn’t a girl to toy with.

“Heh.” The tall girl punched her own palm while looking smug. “Everyone’s always scared of me. I think it’s because I’m tall…”

Kyungsoo was just staring at the spot where the two boys previously were standing. “They took my sandwich…”

The girl must have missed that memo because the next second her face had become sad and puppy-like. Kyungsoo didn’t even know that people could look like dogs. She fiddled with the hem of her skirt, waiting for a reply. Should she thank her? Even though she could have really done without her help… “Th-th—”

“Aha!” Kyungsoo steps back at the loudness of the girl’s voice. Geez. She could have at least let Kyungsoo finish her sentence. “Wait okay?” She reached for her orange sling bag and searched for something inside. Kyungsoo found it weird that the girl’s tongue was darting out while her face was full of concentration. It just looked silly.

Finally, she brought out a plastic-wrapped sandwich and thrust it towards Kyungsoo. Now Kyungsoo understood why those bullies ran off at the sight of her. This girl was just too tall, and that smile could freak anyone out. Kyungsoo observed the sandwich given to her and there was a paper taped on it, with the name “Chanyeol” written on it.

“Chanyeol?” Kyungsoo asked.

Chanyeol grinned like her name was something to be proud of. “Our maid keeps on mixing up my food with my sister’s. I hate veggies! Do you hate veggies?”

Kyungsoo shook her head. “My mom said they’re good for you.”

“Eat it already!”

Wanting to end the conversation, Kyungsoo took a bite and her face contorted with disgust. “This is… what is this!?”

“Turkey?”

Kyungsoo honestly wanted to give the sandwich back, walk away, and pretend like nothing had happened. This… turkey whatever thing was not her type of food at all. But she looked up and saw Chanyeol’s smile. Even with two missing teeth Chanyeol still managed to look cute somehow. Kyungsoo was jealous because she knew she could never be cute like that. Internally sighing, she ate the whole thing while blocking the taste from her mind.

When she was done, Chanyeol bent down and gave Kyungsoo a quick kiss on the lips.

“What?” was all she could say.

“For finishing my lunch for me! I hate turkey, too.”

And thus the friendship of Do Kyungsoo and Park Chanyeol came into fruition.

At first Kyungsoo tried her best to ignore Chanyeol. The girl was just too loud for her to handle. She would turn around and Chanyeol would always be right beside her. Kyungsoo was too shy to ask her to leave her alone and that no, she did not need help coloring the animals on page two. This went on for about the whole year of kindergarten. Soon enough, Kyungsoo found herself opening up to Chanyeol, and their friendship was finally sealed when she invited Chanyeol to her 6th birthday party.

Chanyeol was as excited as an angry bee and bought her a life-sized barbie doll. She insisted that Kyungsoo call it ‘Luhan’ but Kyungsoo didn’t even dare to go close to that scary thing. But she still found herself smiling that night and thankful that Chanyeol was her friend since she was the only one who attended the party.

Kyungsoo discovered a lot about Chanyeol for all those years. Chanyeol was outgoing and social. She could befriend anyone she wanted to (it worked for Kyungsoo). She was also rich, that being proven by the gradually increasing lunch money her parents always gave her. Chanyeol was also very kind-hearted and Kyungsoo didn't need proof to know that.

In short, she was the complete opposite of Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo's dad would advise Kyungsoo to open up to people each day before she left for school. Each day she failed him. Kyungsoo was... crabby and whiny. She blamed it on herself for being always so demanding and greedy;that's why nobody wanted to be friends with her.

Or maybe it was because everytime someone does notice her existence, she'd quickly hide behind Chanyeol, as if the tall girl was secure protection from immediate harm.

At least Chanyeol didn't judge her introverted ways. It's as if Chanyeol was even proud that she was her only friend. Kyungsoo didn't know whether to feel comfortable or anxious at the thought.

—————————————

Many birthdays and school years later, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo found themselves at the beginning of their freshman year. Chanyeol had grown even taller than before. Kyungsoo didn't even think that was possible (while side-eyeing her own petite height). Now Chanyeol was all lanky limbs and legs, and she stuck out like a sore thumb in the crowd. She also didn't know why Chanyeol refused to let her hair grow longer than her jaw, while Kyungsoo would do anything to get longer hair than what she had at the moment.

Kyungsoo herself didn't look any different than she did back in kindergarten. Same large eyes, plump heart-shaped lips and an attitude that could throw tantrums anytime she didn't get what she wanted.

"There's a new guy!" Chanyeol proclaimed a little bit too enthusiastically. Kyungsoo turned her eyes towards the classroom door and sure enough, their teacher was talking to an unfamiliar boy.

"Ooh, he's cute," Chanyeol cooed and Kyungsoo resisted rolling her eyes because Chanyeol found everything endearing.

"How can you tell? I can't see shit," Kyungsoo replied.

The class watched as Chanyeol and Kyungsoo fought each other. It’s just one of those days wherein Kyungsoo accidentally did something Chanyeol considered as ‘bad teenager habits’ and she’d scold Kyungsoo until the end of the day. Today though, Kyungsoo wanted none of it.

“Shit shit shit!” Kyungsoo dared to say.

Chanyeol leaned in close to Kyungsoo and did the unthinkable. She pinched Kyungsoo’s right earlobe and pulled really hard. A shriek came out of Kyungsoo’s mouth and she quickly massaged said body part. Chanyeol looked satisfied, though. As if she didn’t hurt Kyungsoo just 5 seconds ago.

A master plan was devising itself on Kyungsoo’s head when the teacher called for them all to be silent. The new guy, although cute like Chanyeol said he was, seemed awfully shy, what with the fidgeting and eyes cast downward and all. Honestly, Kyungsoo didn’t pay much attention since she was too busy plotting Chanyeol’s imminent demise.

“I-I’m… Kim Jongin.” By then, almost all of the girls in the classroom had hearts in their eyes.

—————————————

Kyungsoo learned that Jongin liked pets that very same day, courtesy of Chanyeol, who turned from gushing over Kim Jongin to kinda wanting to murder him. They were in Chanyeol’s humongous room, which was filled with walls draped with black, hanging skulls and instruments which were all painted… yes, you guessed it, black. Sometimes Kyungsoo didn’t know whether she had been suddenly transported inside a satanic chamber, but nope, it’s just Chanyeol liking black too much.

“So uh, why do you hate him again?” Kyungsoo asked, focused on painting Chanyeol’s toes with black nail polish.

Chanyeol tsk-ed. Kyungsoo knew she didn’t like repeating things. “He said he liked pets, Soo. Pets. He didn’t specify anything, so it’s only right to be surprised when he said he didn’t like cats. CATS! He said he had dogs at home. But cats, how could he hate them?” Her voice sounded so whiny that Kyungsoo wondered if it were her influence.

“People have different opinions. They can like what they like,” Kyungsoo said. She herself had no opinion on animals. She never had one and never will. Chanyeol was already a hassle to take care of anyway.

Chanyeol thrashed her feet around and Kyungsoo groaned in frustration. “What the?! You’re gonna ruin my hard work!”

The other flat out ignored her protests, pouting. “Well, I don’t want to be friends with people who hate cats!”

“You don’t even have a cat.”

“That’s because my family is allergic to them,” Chanyeol sniffed. “I would totally get one, though! And we could raise it together!”

“I don’t think so.” Kyungsoo put a hand on Chanyeol’s slim legs to put a stop to her flailing. “Can you keep still? I’m still not done yet.” The irritation must have been oozing from her tone because Chanyeol did what she was told, and she rarely ever did. Kyungsoo hid the smirk wanting to come out of her face. Chanyeol’s so oblivious it’s unreal.

“Boys are so… ugh. We’re not even a month in and some are already confessing to me. I don’t even feel bad turning them down.” An enigma, that was what Chanyeol was. Seriously, she couldn’t predict what Chanyeol’s decisions were most of the time. Most girls would kill for some boys to confess their love for them (one of them being Kyungsoo, although she refused to acknowledge that).

“Some of them are cute,” Kyungsoo confessed.

Chanyeol stopped and took a look at Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo, confused, stopped what she was doing and stared right back. She couldn’t determine why Chanyeol stopped talking (she rarely ever did that either) and why she was looking at Kyungsoo weirdly. Uncomfortable with the prolonged eye contact, Kyungsoo let her eyes drop to the floor.

Chanyeol suddenly stood up and grabbed Kyungsoo to give her a noogie. Kyungsoo gave a shriek of surprise but Chanyeol had her under her arms. It was so unfair how Kyungsoo was little to no match for Chanyeol at all. “But I’m still the cutest for you, right?!”

Kyungsoo made a show of being forced to say yes. Even though she did think Chanyeol was the cutest, especially with her feet looking pretty well done. Kyungsoo felt the laugh that was threatening to come out of her lips. So she left in a haste, talking about math homework and the mom she had to feed.

—————————————

_“Hello this is the Do Residence. How may I help you?”_

_“Kyungsoo you!—Oh, hi Mr. Do. Can I talk to Kyungsoo, please? It’s about… homework…”_

_“Yeah, let me get her.”_

_“...”_

_“What?”_

_“You fucking asshole what did you just do to my precious nails?!”_

_“Is Park Chanyeol really swearing now? I thought we agreed not to.”_

_“I don’t fucking care! Tell me why my nails have ‘KIM JONGIN’ painted on them!”_

_A snort. “You should be thankful I can’t draw dogs.”_

_“Kyungsoo!”_

_“....” Beeping noises._

_“I am gonna fucking kill you.”_

—————————————

It shouldn’t have been a surprise when Chanyeol came to school the next day, with an arm slung around Jongin’s shoulder, laughing like the world is ending. But Kyungsoo still found herself gaping at the sight of the two as they walked towards her. Chanyeol had a mischievous glint in her eye, which Kyungsoo did not like one bit.

Jongin was staring at her and wow, he looked handsome up close. He was biting his lips and it took Kyungsoo great force to turn her eyes away from them. “Uhm?” Kyungsoo started.

Chanyeol waved, displaying her milky white teeth. “Kyungsoo! Let me introduce you to my new friend, Kim Jongin. He’s in our class. Say hi.”

“Uhm.” Godammit. Kyungsoo hated it when Chanyeol pulled shit like this. As quick as a fox, she hid behind Chanyeol’s back, which looked stupid, yeah, but meeting new people always scared her more than anything. It didn’t help that this fine specimen was well… fine, as in extremely-handsome-I-can’t-talk-to-you fine. Kyungsoo grabbed the back of Chanyeol’s uniform and tugged. “Please, no.”

Chanyeol sighed and turned to Jongin. “Can we please have a minute?”

Jongin looked uncomfortable too so he just nodded and left.

Great, Chanyeol would probably say she’s had enough of Kyungsoo’s shit and revoke their friendship card. She blamed Jongin. Who else can be blamed but for the new guy who had to scare Kyungsoo away with his handsome face? She shook her head, wanting to get him out of her head. “I can’t do it.”

Chanyeol put a hand on her shoulder. “You can. I’m gonna make this happen. You need to make friends, Kyungsoo. And Jongin is the perfect one for the job.”

That was the problem. Jongin was too perfect. Fuck his lips and fuck his face, Kyungsoo was content with Chanyeol and Chanyeol only. But when she looked at the girl in front of her, she saw the opportunities that could be missed and the hope that gleamed in her eyes, waiting for her to say yes. Kyungsoo knew she was a goner. “I’ll try.”

—————————————

And try she did. Kyungsoo didn’t want to admit it, but Chanyeol had been right about Jongin being the perfect addition to her friends list. He was just as shy as her, and was gentle with his words. Although she did hate it when he sugarcoated things for her, like commenting about her hair having a unique style one day. She only knew that it was a lie because Chanyeol laughed once she saw Kyungsoo and compared her hair to a bird’s nest.

There was just something about Jongin that made him seem so nice and kind. He would always smile at her, and even offered to watch The Notebook with her. Kyungsoo had the DVD stored on some high class shelf where she kept her most prized possessions. Said shelf only contained this DVD.

Kyungsoo was on her 7th watch of the movie and she still found herself nearing tears whenever a sad scene came up. Chanyeol made the effort to wake up from her sleep (why is she even here it was only Jongin I invited anyway) to poke Kyungsoo’s cheek. “Can we watch something else now?”

“No! Shh!” Kyungsoo blurted out, and she heard Jongin stifle a laugh beside her. His hand ghosted over her own and Kyungsoo felt her heart come to a stop. He finally took the initiative and intertwined her hand with his. Kyungsoo’s hand was stiff, that was for sure, but he held it tightly.

She glanced at the sleeping figure beside her. Snoring, really Chanyeol? Kyungsoo eyed Chanyeol’s sleeping face and she badly wanted to find a Sharpie to make Evil Plan 2.0. But then Jongin squeezed her hand and Chanyeol was forgotten.

Kyungsoo didn’t know when Jongin became a fixed thing in their lives. Kyungsoo would show up to one of their study dates only to find Jongin seated beside Chanyeol, always with a smile thrown on her face. Sometimes Chanyeol wasn’t even there and Kyungsoo was surprised about how she was completely fine with it. Just chilling with only Jongin for company.

Her walls had finally come down.

—————————————

It wasn’t in her plans for her heart to get broken as well though. Kyungsoo’s mom died of Leukemia days before winter break started. Her eyes turned cold as she saw her mother’s body being taken away by the hospital people. She didn’t have it in her heart to say anything or cry. She just felt so empty.

Kyungsoo admitted that she saw it happening. Her mother’s condition was getting worse as time flew by. Her dad knew it, too. There was nothing that could have been done about it.

She had nightmares that night and woke up sweating. She actually didn’t know if it was sweat or tears. There was only one solution to this.

Chanyeol had been overly-nice, even though Kyungsoo had woken her up at 4 in the morning. The girl had said some soothing words, and even offered to sleep at Kyungsoo’s house. Even Chanyeol had seemed more sad than she was, if the sobbing she’d heard from the phone was any indication. Kyungsoo had been tempted to take up that offer, but she had declined.

Kyungsoo knew it was a dumb thing to do because the thing she needed the most right then was a hug.

The burial took place at some cemetery an hour long ride away. The sun was blinding to the eyes by the time the ceremony took place. Chanyeol brought her whole family along and Jongin was there too, holding an umbrella to shade Kyungsoo from the heat.

“She made the best cookies.” Chanyeol’s eyes were red and her nose runny, which was why her mother had to bring a box of tissues. Mrs. Park was quiet and judging but still paid her respects to the dead. Finally, when the coffin was down on the ground and all covered up with dirt and tears, Kyungsoo felt two hands grabbing each of her own sweaty ones.

The one to the right was tender and light, and Kyungsoo immediately knew it was Jongin. She was thankful that the boy had time to mourn and give his condolences. In contrast, Chanyeol’s hand was squeezing Kyungsoo’s so hard she felt her bones might break.

She squeezed back.

—————————————

“I like you, Kyungsoo,” were the first words Jongin spoke to her when they met up on a cold Friday night in the middle of December. Kyungsoo came to a halt, her coffee forgotten. Her mind went blank and Jongin’s smile faltered with every second that passed.

“Why?” she asked. She didn’t expect him to like her at all. Kyungsoo thought that it would be Chanyeol he’d be interested in because that’s always how it worked: Chanyeol getting all the boys and Kyungsoo as her shadow. “I’m not really likeable” she stated.

Jongin stepped forward. “You are,” he said as he pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. Kyungsoo shivered at the touch and blamed it on the cold winter night. She wished she had worn more layers of clothing than the usual. “You’re cute, funny, smart and… I could go on forever listing all the reasons why.”

Kyungsoo was sure she was blushing. Damn it, Chanyeol should have given her a _Guide To How To Deal With Confessions From People_. A person was actually proclaiming his interest in her. In her. Do Kyungsoo. The nobody you wouldn’t pay a second glance in the streets. “But Chanyeol is like that too, isn’t she?”

A hearty laugh came out of Jongin’s lips. Did she say something funny? The boy only put a hand on her head, though. “Chanyeol? She’s miles away and yet she manages to be here, huh.” That was true. Chanyeol was on vacation on some shitty place Kyungsoo wasn’t invited to. “She’s only a friend. But you… you’re something else. Ugh,” he groaned. “I’m really new to this confessing thing. Can you just tell me your answer?”

A chill breeze passed by them and Kyungsoo visibly trembled, her lips gone purple. It wasn’t a good idea to hang outside in the snow at all. Jongin came to her rescue though, and embraced her in a tight hug. Her eyes grew wide but she accepted the warmth nonetheless.

“You’re freezing,” he said.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” He wasn’t letting go.

“I’m accepting your confession, I guess?”

Kyungsoo didn’t think it was possible that Jongin’s hug could’ve gone tighter, but it did. “Thank you so much. I’ll protect you, Kyungsoo.” God, he was so cheesy. But Kyungsoo guessed this is what boys were like. She didn’t know how Chanyeol became a master of rejection, though. Kyungsoo couldn’t find it in her heart to say no to a guy like Jongin. Granted he was probably much more handsome compared to most of Chanyeol’s admirers.

She wanted to experience what having a boyfriend was like.

So they were a thing now, right?

Where was Chanyeol when she needed her the most?

—————————————

“Guess who’s finally ba—oh my god!” Kyungsoo’s eyes flew open and her lips detached itself from Jongin’s. Chanyeol was there. Fuck, Chanyeol was there with her mouth hanging wide open and they had completely forgotten to tell her. Well, Kyungsoo just didn’t want to admit that she was too chicken to actually tell Chanyeol anything.

“Uh… how was vacation?” A brave attempt from Jongin.

Chanyeol’s ears were red and she clearly looked pissed. “Fucking fantastic, that’s what it was. And here I was waiting for a welcome back party to be thrown for me but nope! My two best friends are too busy sucking each other’s faces off.” She sniffled.

“Uh… we were gonna tell you but—” Kyungsoo started.

“—But what?” Chanyeol’s eyes squinted, which made Kyungsoo tug at Jongin’s shirt for help.

“Uhm we, uh…” Wrong tack. Jongin sucked at lying, Kyungsoo remembered.

“DON’T TALK TO ME, EITHER OF YOU.” And with that Chanyeol disappeared behind the entrance of the rooftop. It was Kyungsoo’s fault. She hadn’t thought Chanyeol would be coming back today from Jeju or wherever she’d gone. School had started back again, but Chanyeol still hadn’t replied to any of her texts. She just assumed the girl was planning on making her return a surprise, and what a surprise it was.

“That was… an eventful first kiss.” Jongin leaned over the railings. Kyungsoo didn’t even bother correcting him that no, that was definitely not her first. Her first kiss ran down the flight of stairs 10 seconds ago in a huff.

But there was no need to tell Jongin that. “Ugh, now I have to actually apologize.”

—————————————

Chanyeol sulked for two more days until Kyungsoo had had enough of it and made cupcakes in apology. Jongin was more than happy to be delivery boy, and although Chanyeol put up a fight, she was a lost cause after she smelled the cupcakes.

And owning up to her reputation as a woman of surprises, Chanyeol came to school the next day, with an arm wrapped around some tall foreign-looking guy’s waist. Kyungsoo and Jongin watched with their eyes wide open as Chanyeol bid the guy a goodbye with a kiss—on the lips. And Chanyeol actually had to go on her tiptoes to reach him.

“Okay, what the hell was that?” Kyungsoo asked, still with her head unwrapped at the thought of Chanyeol finally being interested in something that wasn’t a cat or black jewelry.

“He’s Wu Yifan, but prefers to be called Kris,” Chanyeol replied nonchalantly, staring at her newly-done nails. “I kind of like him, I guess.”

“Kind of,” Kyungsoo deadpanned.

Chanyeol winked at her as a reply, and Kyungsoo was astonished. Beside her, Jongin was clapping like some stupid seal. “About time, Chan. What’s he got that finally captured your cold heart?”

Jongin yelped when Chanyeol punched him on the shoulder. “My heart isn’t cold. I just had the worst luck of having ugly people fancy me.”

Kyungsoo swore that Chanyeol only got that guy to subtly tell Kyungsoo that she hadn’t lost her boy game just yet. But Kyungsoo learned not to rely on her thoughts, especially when it came to Chanyeol and her antics.

Chanyeol apparently got bored of the guy because after a few days Kris was single again, At least, according to his facebook profile that Kyungsoo was definitely not stalking. He put up some of his rap mixtapes which was why Kyungsoo almost had to set up an appointment with an ear doctor. They were that bad. Why had Chanyeol ever liked him?

“Three days,” Kyungsoo greeted one morning while Chanyeol was doing her homework (or was just using it as a prop to hide her cellphone).

“I told you I got bored,” Chanyeol put her book down and sighed as if she was on her 8th repeat of the same line. “He looks at the mirror more than me. I don’t understand that at all because my face is more attractive than his.”

Kyungsoo pinched Chanyeol’s ear which had her shouting ‘Ow!’ “You’re too full of yourself. Maybe he wasn’t even interested in you.”

“How could he not? He’s already spammed my inbox about getting back together.” She shoved the proof in Kyungsoo’s face.

Chanyeol didn’t miss a chance to tease Kris whenever she saw him, though. Something about liking facials more than she does. Kyungsoo watched as Kris got red every time. Evil—that’s what her best friend was. Poor guy. He should have told her she was pretty enough every time he asked.

—————————————

Chanyeol didn’t date anymore after that.

“Too uninteresting.”

“Not even that hot.”

“I’m too good for this one.”

—————————————

High school went by fast and before Kyungsoo even knew it, she was packing up her bags for university. Her dad had decided she was big enough (not including the height here) so he bought a place for her to stay only a few kilometers away from the campus.

Kyungsoo aced her entrance exam, but not gonna lie, she had already expected it. This wasn’t her dream university at all. In fact, she didn’t even have one. She only wanted to go because a certain Jongin was begging on his knees.

Jongin got in, too, thanks to the numerous tutoring sessions he had with Kyungsoo and resistance to attend parties he was invited to. Kyungsoo was not going to let him fail, because what was the point of her passing then?

The sad part was that Chanyeol didn’t pass the exam because of her low scores in Science. Chanyeol just had to take Biology, didn’t she? Out of all the things she had eenie meenie minie mo-ed that was her pick.

“Worry not, friends,” Chanyeol said, voice a little too smug. “My mom will handle it.”

And so Mrs. Park did. There were a lot of negotiations and money exchanging hands that happened but Kyungsoo couldn’t care less because all she wanted was her best friend right beside her. Even though she should have been sick of that face by now. Seriously.

“I got in!”

“Yeah you already texted me that 50 times since this morning.” Kyungsoo had to format her inbox because of Chanyeol spamming her to death with the good news. It had brought a smile to her face that morning though. She was feeling all sad about being alone in her new house because Jongin couldn’t live a day without seeing his dogs.

“Now we’ll never be apart!” Chanyeol grabbed Kyungsoo and smashed her face against her non-existent breasts. “So you can stop praying every night.”

How did she know that? “You wish I did. So are you rooming with me or not?”

Chanyeol’s smile dropped and at this Kyungsoo’s heart sank. “I can’t. My mom won’t let me out of her sight. But don’t worry,” she slung an arm around Kyungsoo’s narrow shoulders, “I won’t be letting you out of my sight either.” She leaned in so close that Kyungsoo could smell the bubble bath soap she always used.

Kyungsoo pushed her away by the stomach. “You’re so cheesy. Why am I always stuck with you?”

“You love me.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

“Usually it’s thoughts of murdering you that help.”

—————————————

University wasn’t the same as high school, Kyungsoo found out. A lot more work and a lot more temptations. She actually had to decline an offer of weed days ago when a girl named Yixing from one of her classes offered some. Kyungsoo was determined to finish college just the same as she did with high school though: clean with no stain on her criminal record.

She and Jongin hardly met up though; they didn’t even have a single class together. But he always made up for it by dropping by her house to cuddle for a little bit. Maybe to make out too if Jongin was a being a good boy that day.

And Chanyeol… Chanyeol was that one extra person who would interrupt them before they started getting hot and heavy.

So all in all, university was weird, but it had its perks.

Today wasn’t any different.

Except Kyungsoo had a problem which she couldn’t stop thinking about.

Class was ongoing, at least that’s what Kyungsoo thought, as someone was babbling in the background. Her eyes were closing, her head tilting from where it lay in her palm. By then, Kyungsoo was already regretting pulling an all-nighter.

“Kyungsoo!”

Chanyeol’s voice immediately woke her up, causing her to sit up straight and yell, “Shit! I’m sorry, professor!”

It took 5 seconds for Kyungsoo to realize her mistake, but Chanyeol was already laughing. “We’re in the library, stupid.”

Kyungsoo didn’t take this lightly and kicked Chanyeol’s leg under the table, causing the other to yell. The look the librarian gave Chanyeol was priceless, and would have made Kyungsoo die of laughter if only she didn’t feel so troubled today. Her mind went back to the problem at hand. She looked at Chanyeol. Fucking fine, I’ll ask her.

“Do you…have a snapchat?” she asked awkwardly. The word felt unfamiliar to her tongue.

“Well, yeah. I think everyone has one by now.” Kyungsoo wanted to kick her again because Chanyeol had this hobby of making Kyungsoo look like the stupid one. Which she wasn’t, by the way. “Why?”

“Uh…” Kyungsoo jutted out her lower lip, contemplating whether to tell Chanyeol the truth or not. “I kind of need it to send Jongin something.”

It appeared that those weren’t the right words to use if you wanted to play it safe. Chanyeol had a shit-eating grin etched on her face that told Kyungsoo that yes, she knew exactly what that ‘something’ is. “Well! What are you waiting for? Go create an account!” Chanyeol was leaning in too closely and shaking her so much that Kyungsoo had to stop her with a poke on the cheek with her pen.

Kyungsoo downloaded the application as instructed (not before Chanyeol laughed at her derpy Jongin wallpaper) and created an account with the username ‘kyungie’. Chanyeol laughed at this too, and Kyungsoo realized that the lord was testing her because she wanted to punch Chanyeol’s face right then and there.

“Okay, now give me yours,” Kyungsoo said a little bit impatiently.

“It’s ‘parksteak’.”

What the fuck? “Should’ve guessed you would have something worse. I’ll add Jongin first because I don’t want some stupid name appearing as first on my friends list.”

—————————————

The revenge inflicted on her was just brutal, Kyungsoo thought as she was forced to look at Chanyeol’s disgusting face doing a peace sign for the 50th time that day. The girl thought it would be funny to snapchat her the same face and pose every 5 seconds while she was in class. It made Kyungsoo want to claw her eyes out, and the professor in charge had to call her name and ask if she was alright.

By the time she got home, she was already regretting every single decision that she had made that led up to that kind of torture.

“I should send her a derpy picture… yeah...” Kyungsoo knew that was in Chanyeol’s favor and could be used as future blackmail material but she wanted to try sending one. 

She went inside the bathroom to do the deed (also because Kyungsoo looked good in the mirror there). Kyungsoo fixed her hair, which looked very unruly for some reason. She didn’t even know why she had to look good when it was supposed to be a derpy picture. And let’s not forget that it was for Chanyeol of all people.

Clicking the front camera button, she smiled widely and put her tongue out. After 10 seconds of eyeing the picture in distaste, Kyungsoo deleted the picture and tried again. But all of them turned out to be really ridiculous which was the purpose of derpy pictures anyway. Finally, she decided to just settle on a normal looking picture with her unamused face (a.k.a her face all the time).

She was feeling satisfied when she thought about the thing she needed to send Jongin, causing dread to come up inside her. Sighing, she took off her school uniform and after a few hesitating seconds, stripped off her bra as well.

Kyungsoo looked at her reflection, feeling really uncomfortable. Her boyfriend was about to see her body. It wasn’t like she had any problems with it at all, in fact, she had learned to accept it. But the problem rested on the eyes of Jongin, who might lose interest once he saw it. Nah, she thought. He wasn’t that shallow.

She took a pic of it very quickly and put her garments back on. Kyungsoo took deep breaths to calm the fast beating of her heart. She just wanted to get this over with. She was so nervous that she had closed her eyes and sent it to the first name she saw in a span of 2 seconds. 

When Kyungsoo saw the loading bar and the name b. She sent the nude picture to Chanyeol. Her mind stopped processing at this because SHE SENT THE NUDE. TO HER BEST FRIEND. FUCK.

As if on cue, her phone vibrated and she dropped the thing on the floor. Cursing herself and the world and most definitely cursing Park Chanyeol, she went on her inbox to read a new message.

__

10:05pm Aw fucking hell I forgot to screencap!!!!!

Kyungsoo was close to tears.

_10:05pm Omg no delete that shit immediately_

_10:05pm Oh wait this is snapchat_

_10:06pm STILL DELETE IT FROM YOUR MIND OR SOMETHING_

_10:06pm Ohhhh my god park chanyEOL FORGET THAT YOU EVER SAW THAT I’M BEGGING YOU_

_10:07pm I am so done with life_

_10:07pm Chanyeol_

_10:10pm REPLY TO ME MOTHERFUCKER_

__

10:10 pm This is a surprise tho. I thought you’d be boxy but damn you smokin’

Kyungsoo was rendered speechless. What was Chanyeol even saying?! She wasn’t even supposed to see that! Feeling angry at herself, she turned off her phone and immediately suffocated her face using the pillow. She closed her eyes and tried her best to sleep it all off. Maybe tomorrow everything would go back to normal. Maybe this would all be just a dream.

But she woke up next morning to find out that it wasn’t a fucking dream and Kyungsoo was going to live the rest of her life on this nightmare-ish reality. Jongin called her thrice that night, probably wondering were his promised nude ended up. Kyungsoo was sure as hell that she wasn’t the one going to tell her it’s carved into their best friend’s brain.

“Hey, Kyungsoo!” That familiar voice came out of nowhere and Kyungsoo looked around in panic to see orange hair coming their way. Jongin had his arm snaked at her waist, but Kyungsoo managed to pull it off, excusing herself to run as fast as she could. By the time she turned around, she was already at some abandoned part of the school. And her class was on the other side of the campus. Fuck her life.

At lunch, Jongin was staring at Kyungsoo grabbing everything and forcefully feeding it inside her mouth in a fast manner. “That hungry, huh?”

She only grunted in reply. Chanyeol might appear any minute and at least Kyungsoo was prepared to run then.

“So, uh,” Jongin scratched the back of his hair, looking between the food and Kyungsoo. “Where’s that Christmas present you promised me last night? Not really demanding anything but… it’s been four months.”

Fucking Kyungsoo and her fucking promises. It was true that she swore to get Jongin something along the lines of ‘sexy’ and ‘a feast to his eyes’. Yeah, Kyungsoo wasn’t so good at being subtle because Jongin got the idea after seconds of thinking. It was a stupid thing to do, but a promise was a promise. Still, that thing got delayed to 4 months. When she finally did though, it fell into the wrong hands.

Just thinking about Chanyeol made her choke on her milktea. “Maybe wait a little more longer?” Seriously, she’d finally mustered up the courage to send him one and then this shit happened. Kyungsoo wasn’t going to send one again anytime soon.

“Fucking organic chemistry making me stay back.” Kyungsoo screamed internally. Chanyeol plopped down at the seat in front of her, and boy, was she sweating madly. Kyungsoo looked around for a chance to escape, but Chanyeol was already talking again. “I swear that old hag has a thing for me. I’m waiting for the day I can tell him that I don’t want his ‘D’ near me or on any of my test results.”

Jongin thought this was funny and started snorting with laughter. “You really don’t want the D, though. Don’t you have your eyes set on Byun Baekhyun the Music major? How’s it going with her?” Byun Baekhyun was the ‘it girl’ on their school. Beautiful, bubbly, and all around the perfect girl that everyone wanted to be, including Kyungsoo.

But that wasn’t the main reason why shock was evident in her face. “What?” _Fuck it, might as well talk to Chanyeol_ , she thought. _I’ll slash her throat if she says one thing about last night._ “Why did I not know this?”

“Our friend here,” Jongin continued. “didn’t even spill the details of the ‘crazy lesbian sex’ they had at Zitao’s party two nights ago. Bless Byun Baekhyun for being a tattletale. I’d actually think she’d be more prettier if she just kept her mouth shut.”

 _Wait, is this for real?_ “Park Chanyeol!”

Chanyeol wasn’t denying it, though. “Are you that surprised?”

Kyungsoo ignored the sick feeling that rumbled in her stomach (although she did blame it on the possibly spoiled milktea). Since when was Chanyeol into girls? She must have missed that memo. Kyungsoo stood up, grabbed Chanyeol by the arm and left a confused Jongin at their lunch table.

The nearest bathroom had two girls inside it, who both looked at Kyungsoo and Chanyeol’s sudden appearance with shock. Kyungsoo had no time for their drama so she pointed the exit with one finger. “Out.”

Her look must have been that menacing because no sooner than later they were all alone, and Kyungsoo wasted no time in forcefully pulling the girl close to her. It sucked that she had to look up whenever she was talking to Chanyeol. “Are you really?”

Chanyeol made a vague sound in her throat. “Am I what?”

Chanyeol’s close proximity was making it hard for Kyungsoo to throw out words. “I’m asking if you’re really gay. I mean what the—wha!” Kyungsoo had let out a scream when Chanyeol clutched her by the shoulders so easily. She dropped Kyungsoo at the corner of the room and used her toned arms to trap the latter.

“What would you say if I am?”

Kyungsoo squeaked from the gaze Chanyeol was giving her. “Uh-I…” She wanted to scream at Chanyeol to stop what she was doing, but she couldn’t find her voice. Fucking Chanyeol, she must be enjoying the torture she was putting on Kyungsoo right now.

She was about to retort with something along the lines of ‘get away from me’ when Chanyeol smiled the next second, making the motion to squeeze Kyungsoo’s cheek. Chanyeol sneaked an arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulders and simultaneously palmed her right boob. Kyungsoo’s ears burned hot, and she quickly pushed Chanyeol away with a shriek.

Chanyeol looked over her thoughtfully and scratched her chin. “Hmmm,” she murmured. “I didn’t know they’d be that big to be honest. I was expecting small. Like really no-tits-wonder small. You can’t trust anyone living in the push-up generation.”

What the, she had the nerve to talk! “Like yours are any bigger!” Kyungsoo refused to look Chanyeol in the eyes.

Chanyeol ignored her comment and continued talking. “Remember that guy from high school? I think his name was Suho or whatever. Yeah, that one. He spread lies about him seeing you changing in the locker rooms and said you had small tits. I… I actually believed that shit. My whole life has been a lie, Kyungsoo!” Chanyeol had the nerve to actually touch them again before wiping a nonexistent tear.

Kyungsoo decided that she hated Chanyeol. But she couldn’t help letting her curiosity kick in. “I… how do you lesbians work?”

Chanyeol gave her an incredulous look. “Really, Kyungsoo?”

“I’m serious! I mean…” She pouted.

Chanyeol tilted her head to the side but kept her eyes on her. “Do you want the detailed version or the pg-13 one?”

Kyungsoo didn’t get it at first but when she did, she made sure Chanyeol would walk home limping. Kyungsoo ignored the other’s screams. She didn’t want to think about Chanyeol in bed, especially with a girl. That was gross. “Yeah not that, thank you very much. I mean… why girls? Surely there are actually boys that fit your tastes. Maybe you’re just confused?”

Chanyeol didn’t respond and actually looked hurt at the statement (and Kyungsoo thought that it wasn’t because of the kick she gave her). Her lips were formed in a tight line, looking like the epitome of the word ‘disappointed’. But Kyungsoo hadn’t said anything wrong or offensive, had she? She was just helping a friend out. Internally sighing, she tried again. “So, who’s the lucky girl that made you this way?”

A shake of the head. “I don’t want to talk about her right now.”

Kyungsoo was irked by this. “Wha—Did she break your heart? Is it Byun Baekhyun?” Somehow, that name left a sour taste in her mouth.

“Something like that.” Chanyeol’s tone evidently told her it was the end of that conversation. But wait, was that an answer to her first question or the second? Or both? Kyungsoo didn’t like vague answers. Why was Chanyeol being like this? First, she didn’t tell her of her...sexuality and now she was hiding secrets from her. They were supposed to be best friends for fuck’s sake. But then Chanyeol continued, “I like this girl who’s dense and thick-headed. Don’t ask me how I came to like such a person. I don’t know either.”

Kyungsoo’s mood dampened at that. It was definitely not because of what Chanyeol had said, though! “Oh uh,” she croaks. “She sounds real fun. Good luck with her. Stupid people are your type, huh?” She tried sniggering but she must have failed at it because Chanyeol just looked at her dumbly before nodding.

She wanted to brick Chanyeol’s face because the girl was looking at her like Kyungsoo was born in another dimension. The “stupid look”, is what she called it. Kyungsoo didn’t like it because she was the one who always used it on Chanyeol, which is why that neanderthal can’t use it against her.

Chanyeol turned around to exit the bathroom, and Kyungsoo immediately remembered her texts last night.

At least Chanyeol thought her body was hot.

Wait NO.

Why did she care? She definitely couldn’t care less about what she thinks.

But… Chanyeol… said she was quote and unquote smokin’.

The door opened and Chanyeol’s head popped in. “Kyungsoo? What are you just standing there for? You look red as a tomato. Are you sick or something?”

Kyungsoo just bobbed her head rapidly. “YES I AM SICK GOODBYE.” Not waiting for a reply, she dashed out of the bathroom (almost tripped because of a cactus in the hallway), and vowed to herself to never think about Chanyeol finding her body pleasant to look at ever again.

Oh wait she just did. Fuck.

—————————————

“Is there something wrong?” Kyungsoo jumped when Jongin asked her a question out of nowhere. They were on their way home, and Kyungsoo was in deep thoughts for the rest of the walk. Her plan of not thinking about that text backfired which caused the professor to call her out. It wasn’t a pleasant experience at all. Fucking Chanyeol.

“Nothing,” she said and used that same tone Chanyeol used whenever she wanted the conversation to stop. Wait what, why was she thinking about that?

Jongin knew her enough to know she was talking shit again so he dragged her to an ice cream shop. Kyungsoo liked sweets, especially if they had the right taste. But today, the ice cream he brought to her in a tray just turned her off. Maybe it’s the fact that it was strawberry. “Strawberry again? I’ve already told you vanilla is where it’s at—”

A shrill ringing came from the pocket of Jongin’s pants. “Oh shit, sorry gotta take this. Hello?” he stood up and walked out of the shop, leaving Kyungsoo with the evil that was the strawberry ice cream.

He came back a few minutes later, looking very panicky and grabbing his bag from the chair in front of Kyungsoo. He looked at her with apologetic eyes. “I’m sorry, babe, it’s just—it’s the dogs. One of them swallowed a tennis ball and—I gotta go.” Jongin didn’t even let Kyungsoo say anything as he kissed her cheek goodbye, and left in a hurry.

This day just keeps getting worse. Kyungsoo threw the uneaten ice cream away and left soon after.

Kyungsoo confided in her most trusted adviser, which was Chanyeol. Pieces of advice were not guaranteed to be of quality though.

__

5:10pm Lol these hos ain’t #loyal 5:10pm Do you want my nudes to make you feel better? ;)

5:10pm WTF NO????????????

But Kyungsoo found herself tossing and turning in her bed waiting for her friend’s reply. What a fucking tease, she thought as she opened the new reply that just came in.

__

5:15pm Yours did with me ;)

Kyungsoo got little to no sleep that night.

She blamed it next day on her math homework (that she had done in a span of 10 minutes after she got home). Yeah, it was probably that. Math haunted on everyone and she was stressing out so much that it induced insomnia. Definitely.

It was a lazy Saturday and Kyungsoo had nothing better to do the whole morning, so she booted up the computer Chanyeol had given her for her 13th birthday (rich kid did everything in her power to go overboard with her gifts). The desktop background had their first-ever photo together as the default picture. Chanyeol was picking her nose while Kyungsoo looked at her in disgust. That was when her mom decided it was a good moment to take such a picture. Chanyeol had loved it ever since it was taken.

Kyungsoo logged onTwitter, and the first thing she saw was Chanyeol and Byun Baekhyun conversing. She was originally going to tweet about her fucked up sleeping schedule, but her eyes were glued at the flirty exchange these two were having. Why the fuck was she even following Byun Baekhyun in the first place?

 **chanyeorrrr** @parkthatassup  
@byunbaek again? does he even take a break lol

 **Princess** @byunbaek  
@parkthatassup no he doesn’t :p but you’ll come right? i want to see you there! i missed you on the last one :/

 **chanyeorrrr** @parkthatassup  
@byunbaek Ok then. This coming Saturday same place? You’ll see me soon heh

 **Princess** @byunbaek  
@parkthatassup yes! can’t wait!!!

Now intrigued, Kyungsoo viewed more into the conversation and found out that Huang Zitao (seriously, doesn’t he have anything better to do?) was throwing another party at his house again. She groaned at the thought of Chanyeol and Byun Baekhyun doing… whatever it was that they were going to do. She wasn’t going to stand for it, not on her watch. Chanyeol shall be led to the right way of life and who else should do that other than the mighty friend Kyungsoo?

 **Do Kyungsoo** @dokyungsoo  
Ugh.

Now to get on business, Kyungsoo opened up the Snapchat app again, even though all it did was bring up bad memories. That aegyo experience had taught her to love herself which was why she was never doing it again. Instead she sent her normal face with the words _“come over to my house this weekend. i want some cuddling and i shall have it.”_

Chanyeol replied in a speed of lightning. It’s the same face in every snapchat she had given Kyungsoo. Except this one had some slight pout in it. “but you’ll just try to strangle me at night.”

Nevertheless, Kyungsoo saw a new tweet and what do you know…

 **chanyeorrrr** @parkthatassup  
@byunbaek Can’t come sorry. I’m busy. Next time fosho

Kyungsoo sat back and admired her work. A bubbly feeling was rising up in her chest. She prided herself that she had Chanyeol wrapped around her finger. Feeling all happy, she reached for her phone and pressed the first number on speed dial. “Which movie should we watch?” Her voice had an underlying tone that said that they should definitely watch The Notebook again.

“You are not going to make me watch The Boatbook again,” was Chanyeol’s vote on the matter. Kyungsoo rolled her eyes at the name. Chanyeol had ever since called it that because the male lead was always being emotional on the boat. It wasn’t even funny! Those scenes were heartwarming.

“We don’t have anything else to watch anyway,” Kyungsoo argued.

“There is something! RDJ has a new movie and I could score us tickets.”

It was one of those action movies that Kyungsoo never really got the appeal of. She gritted her teeth in annoyance and replied, voice borderline yelling. “You only want to watch that because of him.” Half of the movies Chanyeol had declared to be her favorite had the actor in them.

Chanyeol had the perfect comeback to that, though. “Please. As if you’re any different. You wet your panties for Ryan Gosling. It’s so obvious that I’m sure even Jongin’s aware of your obsession.”

Kyungsoo flushed red at the accusation and was thankful Chanyeol couldn’t see her face. “Well, he’s hot!”

Chanyeol snorted. “He’s okay.”

“You’re saying that because you’re probably more attracted to Rachel McAdams.” Chanyeol was deemed a lesbian so she wouldn’t be surprised if it was true.

She could practically hear Chanyeol smirking at the other end. “She was hot in Mean Girls.”

Godammit, Kyungsoo didn’t want to talk about girls being hot. She finally came to a decision and said, “Fucking fine, I’ll just invite Jongin and let him decide. Though I’ll gather he’ll choose yours just because you’re both nerds for this kind of thing.”

The other line went silent. “Hello?” Kyungsoo asked.

Chanyeol had hung up on her.

“Ugh. Bitch!” Kyungsoo was infuriated. It was hard work to be Chanyeol’s friend sometimes. Her fingers worked on typing a ‘fuck you’ message to send Chanyeol but she stopped when she thought about how that sounded weird. Feeling uncomfortable, she erased the whole thing and instead sent an ‘ok bye to u too’.

—————————————

It was nearing ten o’clock and Chanyeol wasn’t there.  
She’d promised.

Kyungsoo checked her phone for any new messages; her face crinkled in annoyance. Where the fuck was Chanyeol? She grinded her jaw and tried calling the girl for the 10th time that night. No answer.

Jongin was looking at her with a grimace on his face, clearly impatient as well. “When are we starting the movie? It’s been like… 3 hours.”

Kyungsoo turned to the clock and saw that it was 10 minutes to 10. “Chanyeol’s late,” she stated.

She didn’t like that Jongin was giving her a stupid look. “Chanyeol’s not coming.”

“Sure she is.” She better. She promised. “How would you know? Maybe it’s her mom being strict again. Or maybe just…” She threw him a dirty look. “...shut up, okay? She’s gonna be here.”

So they waited a bit more. Seconds turned into minutes and annoyance turned into anger as Kyungsoo stared at the clock for one more time and 30 minutes had passed. She badly wanted to throw her phone on the wall when she called again.

Jongin sighed and got up, grabbing his jacket.

Kyungsoo’s eyebrow shot up. “Where are you going?”

He stared at her with so much intensity in his eyes that Kyungsoo couldn’t read them. Great, not only was Chanyeol being confusing but so was her boyfriend. He spoke, “You need to stop dragging Chanyeol around like she’s yours. Let her live her life.”

Now, where the fuck had that even come from? Silence engulfed them as Kyungsoo tried to find something to answer with but she was rendered speechless. Jongin, who had never said anything against Kyungsoo, had spoken up to her about Chanyeol of all things. Chanyeol was her best friend, ok. “What?”

It infuriated Kyungsoo more than anything that he, of all people, was ignoring her. The crease in her forehead deepened. He was at the door when Kyungsoo stopped him by calling back, “Stop. You’re not going to leave me hanging like that.”

Jongin already had one foot stepped outside when he said, “I’m sure you can figure it out. Stop trying to make yourself stupid.” And with one exasperated look, he closed the door, leaving nothing but Kyungsoo’s confusion in his wake.

Kyungsoo just sat there and thought about what he told her. She wasn’t dragging Chanyeol around, was she? Jongin was just sputtering nonsense.

Her heart almost fell out when her phone beeped and Kyungsoo grabbed it with her clammy fingers. She didn’t know whether to feel angry or happy at the prospect of Chanyeol sending her a snapchat at this time of the hour.

Shit-faced Chanyeol wasn’t really a welcoming sight, Kyungsoo learned. The caption said “PARTYING it uP TONITEEE”. The picture was all too dark for Kyungsoo to see where she was at. But Chanyeol’s face said she was beyond drunk or high, that much she can tell.

Although a little bit pissed, Kyungsoo called Chanyeol, and this time she answered. She didn’t wait for the other to actually say anything, though. “Come over immediately or you’re dead.” Just like that she hung up.

And so Kyungsoo waited for Chanyeol yet again.

Chanyeol barged into the house minutes later, almost falling over the welcome carpet. She laughed hysterically then, and that’s when Kyungsoo deduced that she was really drunk.

“What the fuck, Chanyeol?” 

Chanyeol was touchy feely when drunk, Kyungsoo remembered it the hard way when the girl threw herself at her when she tried to help her up. Kyungsoo groaned, feeling the wooden floor at her back and smelling Chanyeol’s drunken breath on top of her. “Get your drunk ass off of me.”

It was only when Chanyeol stood up that Kyungsoo managed to get a good look on the skimpy dress she was wearing. Before she actually had the chance to speak, though, Chanyeol pulled Kyungsoo’s arm towards her and hugged the living fuck out of her. Kyungsoo’s eyes bulged (and immediately closed) when Chanyeol started squishing her face against her boobs, murmuring, “Sorry… I’m so sorry, I’m here now.”

Now with the both of them red-faced, Kyungsoo untangled herself from the mess that was Chanyeol. She suddenly remembered that she was supposed to be angry. “Where the fuck have you been? Jongin and I have been waiting for you all night. I—”

Kyungsoo was cut off from talking when Chanyeol slumped her head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder. “Shut up about him. Please.”

Kyungsoo’s face was shocked, but she managed to catch herself. Chanyeol was clearly too drunk to go home. Mrs. Park would kill her as soon as she sees her daughter’s face, that was for sure. Sighing, she said, “Go use the shower. I’ll prepare some clothes for you.”

Chanyeol flashed her her dumb smile as a reply, and Kyungsoo let out a sigh of relief.

Just looking at Chanyeol’s state was enough to convince Kyungsoo to never drink alcohol ever in her life. Chanyeol had tripped 4 times and all she had to do was take 10 steps towards the bathroom. Kyungsoo was inwardly cursing her ill fate and the mess that she was holding. Kyungsoo was easy with her touches, though, making sure not to grope anything she could be held accountable for. She closed the door on Chanyeol’s face when she finally got the girl inside the damn room.

Kyungsoo trailed to her bed and wondered why Chanyeol was drunk in the first place. It was a rarity. Could it be that it was Tao’s party after all? So she had chosen Byun Baekhyun’s offer instead of fulfilling her promise to Kyungsoo. The thought itself had Kyungsoo snarling, nostrils widened and all.

All her breath was taken away when Chanyeol opened the bathroom door, and lo and behold, Chanyeol stood there in her drunken glory in nothing but a towel. Kyungsoo felt her heart beating faster and she took an involuntary gulp. What the hell was happening to her? And what the fucking fuc—Chanyeol’s LEGS. Kyungsoo had no opinion on God, but man, those legs are truly His gift.

Chanyeol tucked a wet strand of hair behind her large ears and Kyungsoo was forced to take her eyes off the water droplets running down God’s gift. An uneasy feeling went inside her and she closed her legs almost immediately. It was beyond her why she felt the need to do that at all. 

Kyungsoo looked away.

She could tell Chanyeol was looking at her weirdly. “Soo… hic! You’ve been weird all night hehehe.”

She was the one to talk, Kyungsoo thought. She threw the pajamas at Chanyeol’s face. “Get dressed. I won’t have you sleeping in a towel on my bed.”

“Should I take it off?”

This time it was a pillow that hit Chanyeol square in the face.

Kyungsoo turned her back just as Chanyeol started to get dressed (in clothes that were too short on her). Kyungsoo was about to combust, it was so hot it wasn’t even funny anymore. Her heart was beating wildly, and she knew that no, this wasn’t right at all. She shouldn’t be feeling this way. She shouldn’t even have invited Chanyeol, she probably had ended up getting fucked by Byun Baekhyun at that party anyway.

Thinking about Byun Baekhyun had her spinning around with a glare, ready to scold Chanyeol. “Way to keep a pro—OH.” Chanyeol was in between wearing her bottoms and Kyungsoo was ogling at her bare ass, god fucking damn. She only came back to her senses a few seconds later. “PARK CHANYEOL, YOU MONSTER MY EYES AREN’T PURE ANYMORE.”

Chanyeol just laughed and threw back at her the pillow she had hit her with before.

All hell broke loose when Kyungsoo wrestled Chanyeol to the ground. One did not simply attack Kyungsoo and expect her to not go down with a fight. It was unfair that Chanyeol was still as strong as she was when sober, Kyungsoo thought when Chanyeol stopped her punches so easily.

Kyungsoo went back to her bed. “Don’t even come close to me. There—There should be a line here.” She pointed towards the middle.

As always, Chanyeol ignored her and squirmed her way beside Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo stood up to protest but Chanyeol just grabbed her hand and pulled her down in one swift motion. Kyungsoo’s breath stopped as she focused on the situation she was in. She reevaluated her life the next second, thinking, why. Why would you be so awkward around the best friend you’ve had for years?

But another part of her was saying she wouldn’t be this awkward if Chanyeol wasn’t a lesbian.

There was a sharp intake of breath from Kyungsoo when Chanyeol wrapped her arms around her small figure, scooting even closer. It was then that she realized that they were spooning, and Kyungsoo visibly turned red at the thought. Chanyeol wasn’t even wearing anything under that shirt. She was thankful the other couldn’t see her face. What the fuck was happening to her?

“Hey, you were the one who offered to cuddle. Don’t run away.” Kyungsoo shivered when she felt Chanyeol’s hot breath against her neck. It was the first time she found the girl’s deep voice slightly… sexy.

“I… I’m not…” but she wanted to.

Chanyeol surprised her by sloppily kissing her on the cheek. Kyungsoo felt chills down her back but resisted the urge to do anything. There was only silence and Kyungsoo’s rapid heartbeat. She hoped she was the only one who could hear it, though.

They stayed like that for a long time. Kyungsoo lost count of the seconds when she felt the other’s breath ghosting the back of her neck again.

“I’m sorry,” Chanyeol finally spoke. “Sorry for standing you up because I wanted to get away for a while. Sorry that I had to get away...hic!” She buried her nose in Kyungsoo’s nape, and continued talking, “Sorry for liking girls. Sorry for liking you.”

Kyungsoo’s breath hitched in her throat, worrying about what to reply. She didn’t have to because seconds later she could hear Chanyeol’s breathing slowly turning into a snore. She sagged in relief.

Chanyeol… liked her… why?

People didn’t usually like like Kyungsoo, that much was established. It was Chanyeol always getting the boys and girls alike, but Kyungsoo hadn’t even had an inkling that she swayed that way. And she definitely hadn’t been aware of the girl’s feelings for her until now. Was it because of the accidental snapchat? No, Chanyeol wouldn’t be that shallow, would she?

What was she going to do now?

She didn’t like Chanyeol back, did she?

Chanyeol was her best friend, it would be so weird to like her. But Jongin was her best friend too and he had the title of Kyungsoo’s boyfriend.

That was another one. She couldn’t like Chanyeol because she was already taken.

She didn’t even like girls. Nope. She definitely did not.

She thought about Jongin. He didn’t need to know this. Jongin was the first one who’d showed interest in her.

… What if Chanyeol had confessed before him, though? Had she even liked her back then? Kyungsoo’s head hurt just as much as her heart did. She blamed Chanyeol and all the feelings she suddenly threw at Kyungsoo’s feet before finally succumbing to sleep.

Kyungsoo woke up cursing, eyes glaring at the sunlight before her. She tried closing her eyes, wanting to fall back asleep but to no avail. Whoever raised the blinds was going to get a beating from her, for sure. She sat up groggily, rubbing her swollen eyes.

“Yeah, I figured that was the best way to wake you up.”

Kyungsoo’s head snapped up at the voice. Chanyeol was sitting on the edge of her bed, her frizzy short hair all over the place. Her twitchy eyesmile was what made Kyungsoo internally groan, though. Cute.

Wait did she just say she was _cute_?

Nope, of course she didn’t.

“You’re so fucking mean. You know I hate the sun.”

“Explains your snow white skin.” Chanyeol grabbed her hand but Kyungsoo flinched away quickly.

An eyebrow shot up Chanyeol’s forehead. “What’s the matter?”

Kyungsoo was at loss for words. Did Chanyeol forget about fucking last night? Fucking— “You’re filthy, for chrissake. Go take a shower, I don’t want you touching me.”

Chanyeol gave her a sly smile. “That’s weird. I vaguely remember I was the only one who showered while you just went straight to bed without a change of clothes.”

 _You were the one who dragged my ass down to bed_ , Kyungsoo wanted to say but decided against it.

It was one of those times where in Chanyeol had that Puppy Look her face, and Kyungsoo just wanted nothing but to hug her and give her everything she wanted. Chanyeol was going places with that look. “Sorry for crashing in.”

“You didn’t. I called you in here.”

“Really? Fuck, I don’t remember shit from last night.” Her face pinched in concentration. “I only know I went to this party and… a lot of stuff happened that involved me getting drunk as fuck. Then that’s it, apart from me showering. Did I… say anything weird?” That was the only moment Kyungsoo was glad Chanyeol had the memory of a goldfish. She didn’t remember anything, that was all good right?

Instead of feeling relief though, Kyungsoo was a little bit annoyed. “No. Just that new movie you wanted to watch so bad. I was about to give in but you know, somebody had to—”

“—Alright, geez, fine. We’ll watch The Boatbook again as my punishment.” Kyungsoo finally smiled for the first time that day, and for a moment she forgot all about her problems.

Only for a moment though, because she was in hysterics again when Chanyeol fucking smiled at her for fucking longer than she should fucking have. A sick feeling was eating at her insides. Chanyeol may have forgotten but she didn’t.

And the kiss.

The fucking cheek kiss. Why was she getting all worked up about that? It wasn’t even her first kiss, hell Chanyeol was her first kiss.

What the fuck?

She watched Chanyeol leave in her party dress from last night, giving her a weak smile. Chanyeol made a move to kiss her goodbye, but Kyungsoo almost immediately backed away. “Hurry. Your mom still has to scold you.”

If Chanyeol thought anything weird about it, she didn’t say. After the door was closed, Kyungsoo’s smile dropped down to a thin straight line and she didn’t want to know why she felt like her heart was beaten into pieces. Clutching her phone, she went to number 2 on speed dial. God, she needed Jongin so bad. “Babe, come over.”

She could practically see Jongin’s confused face on the other line. “What? But it’s so early I just woke up—”

“Please.” The desperation in her voice must be what did it because Jongin replied with a quick okay before hanging up.

Kyungsoo knew what she was about to do was so wrong but still… it’s all that fucking Chanyeol’s fault. She needed affirmation, yes.

As soon as Jongin threw the door open, she greeted him with a rough kiss, teeth almost clashing. Jongin’s eyes flew open, but before he could actually kiss back, Kyungsoo had let go. Glaring, she then realized that, wow, she hated herself, and kissed him again. But even Jongin’s plump and kissable lips couldn’t save her from the fact that she just imagined Jongin was Chanyeol. That she was kissing Chanyeol. Not Jongin. She really fucking hated herself. 

Her hands glided to the buttons of his shirt, and before she could even unbutton them, Jongin pulled back and caught her by the shoulder. He was breathing hard, looking at her in the eyes. “What are you doing?”

She looked at him quizzically, suddenly feeling small and awkward so she took a step back. “I’m offering myself to you. Don’t you want this?”

Jongin was still looking at her and fuck, why did he look so hurt? “No; you’re not your usual self right now. Besides, I’m kind of hungry…”

“What?”

Jongin scratched his head. “Well, you kinda interrupted my breakfast.”

Kyungsoo gaped at him in disbelief before she broke down in laughter. “Jongin, you’re the only guy I know who chooses food over sex.” Man, he had his priorities set straight.

Jongin kissed her on the forehead. “I want it to be special, okay?”

The curtains flapped noisily at the wind as Kyungsoo stood there in shocked silence. Sure Jongin was a romantic but why did he still believe in that first time shit? It was ridiculous and Jongin needed to learn a thing or two. Nevertheless, Kyungsoo leaned herself in Jongin’s arms as they walked together towards the kitchen. She forgot to prepare something, fuck. It didn’t help that Kyungsoo just realized how desperate she looked moments ago.

“Oh hell yes,” Jongin removed his arm from her and was quick to sit himself in one of the chairs. “Thanks for this babe! You know the perfect way to a man’s heart.” He was pertaining to the tray set on the middle of the table. Kyungsoo eyed it warily. She didn’t remember making bacon and eggs… so it must have been…

No way. No way had Chanyeol prepared food without burning the whole house down.

But still, the thought of Chanyeol cooking… it brought unwelcomed butterflies on her stomach. This was getting worse.

Kyungsoo watched blankly as Jongin devoured the meal. He must have been that hungry, huh. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted a piece of paper tucked in under the tray. Never taking her gaze off of Jongin, she slowly crept her hand… reaching… until it was only a few inches away.

Jongin looked up just in time she had it on her clutches. If he noticed anything weird, he clearly chose to ignore it. A shy smile was on his face. “It’s kind of burnt, Soo. Were you distracted while making this?”

She could feel herself visibly sweating. “Uh, yeah, I was like thinking about you.”

That smile on his face used to be her whole world. But now it had no effect on her at all. There was only guilt. Jongin continued to put on food in his mouth. He was either dumb or deliberately choosing to be oblivious because what she had said was obviously bullshit.

Kyungsoo continued on watching him eat, asking herself why kissing him had little to no effect next to Chanyeol’s cheek kiss last night. Maybe because she was just growing accustomed to the lesbian thing. Yeah, that must be it. There couldn’t be any other reason.

She clenched her fists and realized that she was still holding the unread note. Heart palpitating, Kyungsoo opened the slip of paper under the table.

_I wanted to eat breakfast with you like old times and maybe just stay in bed all day being lazy \o/_

_Then why didn’t you?_ Kyungsoo thought as she crumpled the said paper in hand.

Kyungsoo did nothing that day but blame herself for all the feelings and mixed emotions she was having right then.

She thought about blaming Chanyeol, too, but she refused to let the girl enter her damn mind.

Oh, fuck it.

—————————————

“I’m fucked.” The essay laid in front of Kyungsoo stayed unfinished and Kyungsoo was out of magic words she could possibly say to do the trick of finishing it. She was hoping (out of desperation, really) that ‘abracadabra’ would simply conjure up words and paragraphs to fill up the empty pages. Beside her, Chanyeol seemed to think this was all very amusing to watch.

“You are. I don’t think you’ve said all the Harry Potter spells, though. Try a few more.”

Kyungsoo eyed Chanyeol, then the cup she was drinking from, with flashing eyes. Her headache could do without Chanyeol’s pissy remarks. Her hands covered her face as she groaned. “No, really I am. My partner is going to kill me… if I don’t kill her first.” Kyungsoo had the luck (misfortune was more like it) of being paired with the infamous slacker in class that was Oh Sehun. Not only was she always acting like a brat, she also dared to sleep or file her nails whenever Kyungsoo brought up the topic of their essay.

Like today, for instance. Sehun was supposed to be there 20 minutes ago but the silver-haired girl had made no appearance even though they had arranged their schedule. Only Chanyeol had appeared, joining Kyungsoo in her pity party at the corner of Starbucks.

Speaking of Chanyeol, Kyungsoo thanked whoever it was that needed to be thanked that Chanyeol forgot about what happened that night and they were back to normal. (Well, as normal as it could be what with Kyungsoo being even quieter than before). That didn’t mean Kyungsoo’s knees didn’t go weak whenever she saw the girl smiling or that she got so nervous when she was talking to her. Kyungsoo, for the most part, ignored all of these facts.

Needless to say, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo’s relationship wasn’t really back to normal. The short girl made no effort to talk to Chanyeol first unless necessary.

“Who the fuck is your partner anyway?” Chanyeol asked.

As if on cue, the partner in question barged into the shop with her head held high. Poker Face didn’t even bat an eyelash when she saw them and sat down beside Chanyeol, looking like she’d rather be anywhere but there.

Kyungsoo glared at her. “I specifically asked you to be here at ten. Where the fuck have you been? You haven’t even contributed shit.”

Sehun’s heavy-lidded eyes betrayed no emotions. “I just woke up. My class isn’t until four today so quit your bitchin’.”

The pen she was holding was itching to be stuck up Sehun’s ass. She was about to rant endlessly when Chanyeol, seeing her unamused face, proceeded to squish her cheeks. “Isn’t she so cute when she’s mad? I love making her mad too, to be honest.”

Kyungsoo didn’t know whether to be mad or embarrassed about what Chanyeol just did, but when Chanyeol winked at her while simultaneously darting out a tongue, she forgot what she wanted to say and just went back to staring at her hopeless essay.

Sehun looked back and forth between Kyungsoo and Chanyeol and stated, “You’re both so gay for each other.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes went even wider (if that was possible) while Chanyeol choked on her drink.

If their reactions amused Sehun, she didn’t show. Instead, she made the motion of reaching for her nail file in her pocket and fucking hell no was Kyungsoo going to let that happen. “Oh Sehun you are not going to fucking do your nails! We are going to do this shit.”

For the first few seconds, Sehun didn’t move. Kyungsoo was about to think that it was a lost cause. She was going to lose her perfect grades all because of Sehun’s fucking uncooperative ass, but then she replied with a bored tone, “Yeah okay. Can your girlfriend move to the other chair so I can actually see shit?”

“She’s not my girlfriend!” - “I’m not her girlfriend.”

Sehun tsk-ed impatiently. Chanyeol then stood up, towering over their table and moved to the other side. Kyungsoo’s anger boiled even more when she saw Sehun raking her eyes over Chanyeol’s legs. “Eyes on the essay,” she tried reminding her.

Her existence was fully ignored. “Nice legs. Get them insured.”

“Yeah, they’re my babies. Quite proud of ‘em,” Chanyeol nodded while giving her a polite smile.

The two continued on talking about those damn legs, and goddammit, Kyungsoo didn’t want to talk about them. Those things had taken up most of her dreams and were the cause of some sleepless nights. She was not going to let them corrupt her reality, too. “OKAY, so Sehun, I’ve already done the first half,” Kyungsoo slammed one hand on ‘their’ essay. “You do the second half while _I_ sit here looking bored and doing my nails.”

That seemed to catch their attention, as both of them just looked at her. Kyungsoo couldn’t help but feel scrutinized, remembering how Chanyeol said she was cute when she was angry. Hey, it wasn’t her fault this Sehun girl wouldn’t cooperate at all, right?

Kyungsoo made the mistake of looking straight into Chanyeol’s eyes. It was a trap and a deep one. She got lost in them and it wasn’t ‘til Sehun cleared her throat did she realize they were having an intense staring competition (and for a long time at that).

Fuck fuck fuck this was not happening right now. Absolutely not.

She was born straight, and would die straight.

Kyungsoo threw herself up and out of the chair, barely hesitating to leave the two with confused looks on their faces. She grabbed all her things and left for the door, the wind chime jingling behind her. Kyungsoo ignored Chanyeol calling her name. She was so fucking dramatic, but she couldn’t help it. She was also the moodiest person in the world so why the fuck would Chanyeol like her?

She wasn’t that great.

She always snapped easily.

So, why? Chanyeol couldn’t _like_ like her.

Kyungsoo must have looked like an idiot in front of everyone: angry face and arms steadily swinging side by side and all. She didn’t care, she wanted to get away. She found herself at the gym, which was surprisingly empty, for which Kyungsoo was grateful. Her feet took her over to the bleachers and Kyungsoo tried to catch her breath.

The sound of footsteps coming closer was what made Kyungsoo look down below. It was Chanyeol, and all the breath she had tried to catch was taken away yet again. Chanyeol had that puppy look on her face that Kyungsoo really hated. Because for one, Chanyeol would always used it to her advantage, and two, it was really fucking cute.

Fuck. She meant brute. Brute, yeah. Like… brutal force. She wanted to kick Chanyeol in the head.

“Why did you run off?” Chanyeol’s deep voice echoed around the empty area they were in.

“It wasn’t me who ran off. It wa you.”

Chanyeol seemed surprised by this, and she narrowed her eyes. “Wha-”

“-Look, I… I can’t. I’m sorry, Chanyeol, but I can’t. I’m going to explode.” Her breathing was too fast.

Chanyeol looked concerned. “Easy, Soo. Is it because of Sehun? I swear, she’s just doing that to piss you off. If you let me, I can convince her to work with you.”

“What, with your legs I suppose?” Kyungsoo snapped.

A little smirk made its way on her lips. “Why are we talking about my legs now? And sure-”

“-This isn’t the time to be funny, Chanyeol,” she glowered. “Ugh, just. Leave me be.” Kyungsoo lurched up but before she could actually leave, a hand grabbed her by the arm.

“Look who’s running away now.”

Kyungsoo’s look turned cool. Chanyeol had lied. “You… you did not forget, did you?” If Chanyeol didn’t… then she just made Kyungsoo look stupid. This didn’t sit well with her.

Kyungsoo thought that it wasn’t only her that looked angry, but this was so not the time to be thinking about that. “No,” Chanyeol replied, and her grasp on Kyungsoo’s arm tightened. “I may have been drunk that night but my memory is as clear as your feelings are not.”

_Then why didn’t you just say so, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LIE?_

And just like that Kyungsoo had the answer. She knows. Chanyeol knew her inner battles with herself. How she questioned her sexuality almost every second of her life and always shut it down with one answer: no. How she deduced all that was beyond Kyungsoo. Was she that obvious?

“Are you willing to risk everything?” Chanyeol croaked. “I’ve been trying hard, Kyungsoo. Trying to put all the things back together and push the feelings away. Fine, don’t talk to me. But that won’t stop me from talking to you. And what do I get?” She stepped forward and Kyungsoo was forced to look up at her face. “You’ve always been a coward, Kyungsoo, and you know it. I was always there for you when you were too scared of change.

“...It’s me, Chanyeol… your friend… as I’ve always been. If there’s one thing you mustn’t change it’s that.”

Kyungsoo then remembered all the times they had fought, a number you could count on one hand. Chanyeol was always the one fixing everything and giving the solutions to most of her problems as well. Could she really afford to let that go? 

_I’m sorry, Chanyeol. I refuse to be something I’m not._ Kyungsoo looked at her helplessly and pulled her arm loose from Chanyeol’s grip. Without a word, she spun away and climbed down the stairs, refusing to look back. Each step she took felt like a thread of their friendship being cut off.

“It isn’t a choice, you know!” Chanyeol shouted but it went in one ear and out the other.

Kyungsoo thought that if Chanyeol said another word, one more, she might burst right then and there and run back to her friend’s arms.

But she didn’t.

And Kyungsoo couldn’t blame her.

—————————————

Kyungsoo found a new best friend, anyway. And by best friend she meant the four corners of her bedroom, which she had been staying so much in for the past few weeks. Even Jongin had to coax her out whenever he wanted to hang, and Kyungsoo did nothing but made up excuses about how the sun irritated her and such. It took a lot of effort on Jongin’s part to persuade Sehun to be the woman for the job.

Which was a big mistake because Sehun had almost proved herself as the incarnation of Satan when she threatened to call Chanyeol using Kyungsoo’s phone. Kyungsoo had avoided any contact with her tall friend, choosing to run away in panic whenever she saw a girl with humongous height and short hair.

That was the start of their budding friendship.

She even got Sehun to contribute, which was truly a miracle. When she wasn’t doing her nails and pissing Kyungsoo off, the girl could actually be really interesting to talk to. Sehun and Jongin had instantly hit it off, too. It was the mention of the name Kim Junhee that brought the two spazzing about some girl group member they both liked. From then on, Sehun and Jongin would only talk about Kim Junhee’s white legs, pretty face and angelic voice while Kyungsoo just sat there looking pissed.

“Hey, Kyungsoo.” Sehun’s smug face was ugly. But at least that verified she had more than one emotion. “Jongin just told me he would totally bang Junhee in a heartbeat even if you said no.”

“That’s not true!” Kyungsoo squinted at Jongin’s flushed expression.

So maybe Sehun wasn’t all that of a great friend.

There was also that one thing.

Sehun was bisexual. Yes, Kyungsoo was shocked when she told her, but this was different. She was okay with it, if not comfortable. It felt really weird and surprising, recalling how she was always so wary and anxious around Chanyeol.

Chanyeol. That name again. Thankfully, Sehun had never talked about her with Kyungsoo after that day. Jongin had inquired, though. They hadn’t seen Chanyeol for weeks and she could actually see the worry in her boyfriend’s eyes for their friend.

“I’m mad at her,” she had said.

“What did you do again?” The way Jongin had implied that it always seemed like Kyungsoo was at fault didn’t really sit well with her.

“I just am, okay?” She had racked her brain for an excuse. “It’s that night she stood me up. She shouldn’t have done that. A promise is a promise.”

It had sounded so bullshit to her own ears but he believed her. Like he always did.

She was wrong. It wasn’t Chanyeol that she had wrapped around her finger. It’s Jongin.

Never had he ever questioned anything that she had said so far. His trust had always been put on her and Kyungsoo appreciated him for that. Whenever she was mad, he would always smile and try to calm her down by putting her arms around him, letting her vent it all out.

He was the best and she was blessed. So… why?

—————————————

“Aaand, we’re done!” Kyungsoo announced happily and arched her back to stretch. The essay. The motherfucking essay. The holy-shit-I-can’t-believe-this-is-done-essay. They finished it. All the hard work and all the bitchiness from Sehun she had endured resulted in the completion of these papers.  
“Finally getting laid tonight!” Sehun blurted out a little too loudly.

A smirk crept its way to Kyungsoo’s face. “Oooooooh, who?”

“No one,” she replied quickly, already easing herself up from the sitting position.

Kyungsoo hesitated asking the next question for a few seconds. “Is it… a girl or a boy?”

It didn’t matter, though, because Sehun ignored it nonetheless. “Get up, loser. Now that shit’s actually done credits to me, myself and I, I’m going to be a little bit more nicer and treat you to some bubble tea. How’s that sound?”

She should have said no. The shop Sehun that had the misfortune of being Sehun’s pick was the same as Chanyeol’s favorite. Dread was already creeping up inside her and sadly, she found herself missing all the moments they had spent together. Fuck, she didn’t need any of this right now.

And she especially didn’t need to bump into Chanyeol, with that thing called Byun Baekhyun on her arms. Chanyeol stopped to look at the both of them. Baekhyun’s expression grew quizzical and Kyungsoo had never wanted to punch someone’s face as much as she did now.

Chanyeol was still staring at Kyungsoo. She looked away, however.

She saw Sehun’s face crumple into a rueful grimace and the latter dragged Kyungsoo by the hand. Sehun sat her in one of the tables and she raised an eyebrow at the man who had already occupied the table. He was seated beside Kyungsoo and Sehun was in front of them.

Kyungsoo was too preoccupied thinking about the surprise encounter, and didn’t notice that Sehun slapped the stranger’s shoulder. “That’s not my Trig homework!” she bellowed.

Kyungsoo snapped out of her reverie and the skin around her eyes drew tight. Said stranger had glasses perched on the bridge of his nose and was wearing a black tracksuit. He looked up from the papers he had been intently working on. “Oh, I’ll do that in the morning instead. I’ve got this project for Chemistry that I still need to do.”

Sehun gritted her teeth. “No, I want my shit done and I want it now.”

The man and Sehun shared an intense staring contest and Kyungsoo had to cough a lot of times in order to bring them back to reality. That was the time Sehun remembered to be polite and introduced them to each other. “Kyungsoo, meet my slave.” A sigh came out of the stranger’s lips. “Jongdae, this is my other slave.”

Kyungsoo frowned at her but went about to smile at Jongdae. “I’m Kyungsoo. Nice to meet you.”

Jongdae smiled back and said his greetings and wow, Kyungsoo just realized that he was quite cute.

Her smile dropped when Sehun chucked bills in her direction. “There. Go buy us whatever you like.”

“WHY ARE YOU ORDERING ME?”

Sehun just gave Kyungsoo her default stare, and Kyungsoo resigned, but not without stepping on Sehun’s newly-washed shoes. “Bitch!” she called out.

Kyungsoo queued up to the counter, mind going back to the thoughts of Chanyeol again. Were they together now? Kyungsoo was really confused as to why she was suddenly feeling like she wanted to slit Byun Baekhyun’s throat. _Nothing. I am getting friend jealous. Yes, that’s my friend. Don’t touch what’s mine._

Well, _was_ her friend. Kyungsoo’s mood dampened even more at the thought while she got their order. Quietly going back to their table she spots a rare sight that made her stop in her tracks and gape. Sehun was laughing. Oh. Sehun. Was. Laughing. Like there was no tomorrow. Her eyes had gone crinkly and her gums were showing.

But the laugh disappeared as quickly as it had appeared as soon as Sehun saw Kyungsoo.

“Don’t think I didn’t see that,” Kyungsoo commented as she sat down.

“We were discussing about that one time I found Pororo underwear on your drawer. Shit’s fucking hilarious; it makes me laugh at night before I sleep.”

Kyungsoo’s face turned red at this. “Well, good thing you don’t forget to think about me every night then,” she snapped back. Why oh why did Sehun have to bring that up? In front of a guy, even! The underwear was a gift from Jongin for her 17th birthday.

They all sipped their tea in silence, with only the flipping of Jongdae’s book pages and the coffee house music to soothe their ears. It was all going so well until Kyungsoo felt something on her foot. The thing was going up her legs and she almost choked on her drink. It was on her knee and going closer and closer to her crotch area.

It was Sehun, she could tell very easily.

Kyungsoo yelped when Sehun’s foot got caught between her legs. What the fuck was she doing?!

“Oops, wrong person,” said Sehun in her monotone voice.

Kyungsoo just glared and asked, “What the fuck was that all about?” Beside her, Jongdae had completely forgotten about his work and was laughing, looking like a stupid ass fuck. His laughter was proven to be contagious because a smile was threatening to break out of Kyungsoo’s face.

“You look really ugly when you laugh,” Sehun snarled at him. “Fix that.”

“Shit’s so fucking hilarious it’ll make me laugh at night before I sleep,” he retorted back. Sehun just rolled her eyes and Kyungsoo laughed, slapping Jongdae in the back.

That made her remember something, though, “By the way, what was that about getting laid tonight?”

Kyungsoo swore she saw some tinge of pink on Sehun’s porcelain white skin. She tsked angrily. “I told you it’s no one.”

Jongdae joined in. “Clearly someone.”

Sehun’s foot kicked Jongdae’s legs under the table, to which he gave a cry of pain. “Shut the fuck up.”

He ignored her. “Who is he? I fear for anyone who has to go through with you. Or inside you, god forbid.” Kyungsoo almost choked at that because wow, Jongdae sure did have a smart mouth. Plus it was a joy to see Sehun fuming. It was one of the first times she’d seen the girl with a different emotion than one of her usual two emotions on her face. (Bitch face and The Other Bitch face with one eyebrow raised.)

“I am gonna fucking end your pathetic little life. For your information, I am very much wanted and fantasized about.”

Jongdae laughed again at this, and Kyungsoo couldn’t help but join in. It felt so good to laugh after such a long time.

She thought that while Sehun might have been a replacement for Chanyeol, she filled in that empty space adequately.

 

__

07:48pm Babeee I want to watch that new movie about robots. ^^

07:50pm Oh the one starring RDJ? Sure

07:50pm How did you know? Did Chanyeol tell u abt it? 07:50pm Oh oops sorry 07: 50pm I meant uh 07: 51pm Uh

07:53pm We’ll watch it.

07:53pm fuck i love u

07:54pm Tell me something I don’t know. 

 

Surprise had etched itself on Kyungsoo’s face when she found out that Jongdae was in the same year as them. She even had one class with him and Sehun. She wouldn’t even have noticed his existence if not for that bubble tea incident. Kyungsoo needed to pay more attention to things.

The library was quite packed with students when Jongin and Kyungsoo made their way inside, finding a place near the references section in the back. Kyungsoo was cramming to catch up on her missed homework, all thanks to that damn essay. Sehun didn’t bother on coming with because apparently Slave The First had already done it for her.

Kyungsoo wondered how those two had even come to know each other. Jongdae didn’t seem like the type to be Sehun’s lackey, even if that’s what it seemed like. Shaking her head, she opened her trig workbook to get started and urged Jongin to do the same.

No more than five minutes later Jongin whined out, “Ugh, I hate math. I miss Chanyeol. She can actually do math and would let me copy from her.”

Kyungsoo didn’t look up from her math paper but stopped writing. “No one asked you to stop being friends with her.”

“We’re still friends but we don’t hang out anymore. She’s too busy helping herself with Byun Baekhyun. Can’t you just forgive her?”

Something snapped inside Kyungsoo. “NO!” She forgot that she was in the library and only realized when everyone turned around to look at her. She sighed heavily and went back on doing her work.

“Chanyeol misses you too, you know.”

 _Ugh, when will he stop talking?_ “I don’t really want to talk about her. Talk about your dogs.”

That flickered a switch inside Jongin and he was all smiles by the time she looked up. He went on about something about a pet show and how he was so excited to show and tell his 3 dogs. Kyungsoo had only seen them one time and that was also the last. That was because one of the dogs almost bit Chanyeol, and 17-year old Chanyeol was so traumatized that Jongin’s sister insisted on not showing the dogs anymore when they went over. It had made Jongin sadder and he had carried a puppy look for weeks that could rival any of his dogs’.

It was with a sick lurch that she realized that two unwelcomed (well for her anyways) people had come inside the library. Byun Baekhyun had her arms wrapped around Chanyeol’s as always with a smile on her face that made Kyungsoo sick. What were the odds?

They didn’t spot Kyungsoo (and Jongin) since they seated themselves pretty far away. They watched as Baekhyun leaned in close to Chanyeol, whispering something. Probably something shitty about her, Kyungsoo gathered as much. It must have been flirty because Baekhyun leaned back with a smirk and Chanyeol was giving her that stare.

And not only that, Jongin had to annoyingly hoot at their direction, pissing Kyungsoo off more. “Kudos to our girl Chanyeol. Finally getting it on—with a hot girl at that.” He seemed to notice Kyungsoo was beside him. “Uh, not any hotter than you of course.”

Then Chanyeol had to do the most absurd thing to Baekhyun. Kyungsoo’s eyes went wide when she saw Chanyeol pulling Baekhyun’s earlobe in an affectionate manner.

What the fuck! This wasn’t okay at all.

Chanyeol could ONLY DO THAT TO KYUNGSOO. Chanyeol did it whenever Kyungsoo was being whiny or rambling too much. It’s their way of giving each other time-outs. And now she was doing it to that… thing or whatever she was?!

Kyungsoo stood up, deciding that she couldn’t take it anymore and left the table.

“Kyungsoo!” Jongin called out. “Where are you going?”

At that, Chanyeol turned and saw Kyungsoo. The latter was so mad that she returned the stare, and she might have been crying but she didn’t care! She full-on glared at Chanyeol and the fire must have been evident on her face because she heard Baekhyun squeak. She then left.

_11:30am You better fucking be on the way to my house right now oh sehun bec i am and i need you_

__

11:32am What I’m busy

11:32am I’m so fucking done with her oh my god

11:32am … 11:32am fine

How fitting that it was raining outside, Kyungsoo thought glumly. She arrived just in time in front of her doorstep to see Sehun getting up from her motorcycle. What was the girl even doing riding a motorcycle in the middle of winter? After removing her helmet, she looked in surprise at Kyungsoo who was a mess from crying and probably looked stupid while at it. Kyungsoo wasted no time and dragged Sehun inside the house before the girl could say anything.

“K, what happened?” Kyungsoo ignored Sehun’s question and proceeded to drag her skinny ass towards her bedroom.

“I’m… tea,” she sniffed before closing the door on Sehun’s face. At least her sense of hospitality hadn’t left her after everyone almost did. Her mom… Chanyeol… Kyungsoo almost burned herself making the tea because of her thoughts. She wiped her tears using the apron that she had hung on her body.

She wasn’t amused when she went back to her room only to find Sehun opening the bloody pages of her photo album while lazily lying on the bed. “Godammit, would you stop snooping around? Wasn’t Pororo enough to make fun of?” It was an album filled with elementary and middle school pictures. A thing Kyungsoo could have at least hidden before Sehun could have a chance of getting it in her clutches.

Sehun scowled, not taking her eyes off the album. “But I want to see your naked pictures when you were a baby. Except this is full of gay.”

The tray holding the tea almost dropped out of her hands when she heard the words ‘naked’, ‘picture’ and ‘gay’. _Ugh, get a grip of yourself Kyungsoo._ She set the tray in front of them and they both sit on the floor, with Sehun being forced to do so.

“So… what did you want to talk to me about?” Sehun started.

“I…” Kyungsoo couldn’t say it. But she had to. She remembered the feeling of Chanyeol pulling her ear again. That was enough. “I… like girls?”

Sehun cocked an eyebrow, taking a sip. “No shit.”

Kyungsoo, however, was horrified. “What? Is it that…”

“Yeah. That Chanyeol girl, is it?”

“I, uh, yes? Wait, oh my god is it that obvious? Do you think Jongin knows?!”

“Well, if he’s as dense as you I wouldn’t be worried,” she mumbled.

Kyungsoo didn’t comprehend. “What?”

“Yeah, no. I don’t think so.”

Kyungsoo squinted her eyes on Sehun before burrowing her face in her hands. “Oh god. No… I don’t… I don’t want these kind of feelings. But Chanyeol… she’s…”

The hands were driven away from her face by Sehun and the other stares at her hard. “What’s the main reason you’re not going after her? I get that you have a boyfriend. And I wouldn’t want to hurt Jongin either but, you don’t stop being friends with someone just because they’re gay, alright?”

“It’s just… just so weird y’know… there were never any signs that she was gay I just… she likes me… I think I like her but?—I don’t think I’m gay.”

Sehun seemed amused. “Honey, liking another person of the same sex is called being gay.”

“Yeah but…” She should have seen it coming. Sehun pulled her closer abruptly and clashed their mouths together. Her eyes go wide and she tried pushing Sehun away but she wasn’t budging. Just then, Kyungsoo came to a realization on how soft Sehun’s mouth was, and she gave in to the kiss even though it was weird as fuck because hello? This was a girl?

Though a second later Sehun pulled back and looked at Kyungsoo’s half-lidded eyes. “There. Was that so bad?”

Kyungsoo was surprised to find herself fine with it. She hadn’t even recoiled or anything. “I… uh…”

“Did it make you uncomfortable?”

“No, I guess? But isn’t it because you’re a friend that I’m more comfortable around you?” she excused.

She had thought Sehun was going to protest about her being labelled as a ‘friend’ but she focused on the topic. “Please. Chanyeol was your friend, too.”

Fuck. Looking away, she answered. “But that’s different.”

“It’s different because you actually like her. Trust me, it’s more fun to kiss the person you like.”

Kyungsoo thought about Chanyeol and her lips. Chanyeol was so tall that Kyungsoo probably might have to bring a stool every time she wanted to kiss that giant. Wait what godammit she was actually thinking about kissing Chanyeol right now. KISSING. CHANYEOL. HER GIRL. BEST. FRIEND. And it was so weird feeling nothing with Sehun’s kiss but the thought alone of kissing Chanyeol made her feel all giddy. But that stopped when she thought of Jongin. “I have a boyfriend. I can’t do this.”

The cold air outside must have been why Sehun’s next words brought a chill down Kyungsoo’s spine. “Choose one of them.”

Kyungsoo eyed the floor with sudden interest. “I can’t.”

“No look at me,” she commanded and Kyungsoo did so because Sehun sounded angry. “Think about it. You need to choose—which one do you like more? Which one makes you happier than the other? I know they both do, Kyungsoo, but if you don’t choose, you’ll lose them both. Which one is it?”

Her thoughts went back to Chanyeol. The one she always went to whenever she had a problem. She had been the reason why she even bothered with Jongin at all. She was the one who opened her heart when all that Kyungsoo did was close it. How the girl would do anything for her but knew when to draw the line. Chanyeol wasn’t the stupidest person she knew, she realized. It was herself and all this time Chanyeol was just hopping in on her dumb train. To think about it, most of her rational decisions mostly came from Chanyeol.

But she thought about Jongin, too. The boy did anything she would ask of him, but the difference was when Kyungsoo was being dumb, Jongin didn’t do anything to stop it. He would always just smile and agree with her choices. Kyungsoo guiltily admitted on having to stir shit up between them herself just so they could have something going on. She thought about his smile, and how it brightened up her day once she saw it. Chanyeol had a different blinding smile, and it made Kyungsoo want to punch her in the face, but it made her day all the same.

Just then, Kyungsoo knew the answer.

Jongin was every girl’s dream.

But not hers.

“It’s… it’s Chanyeol… holy shit it’s Chanyeol.” She never wanted to shout out Chanyeol’s name just as she did right now.

Sehun smiled lightly at this and Kyungsoo ought to tell her how it was illegal to be that pretty. “Then what are you waiting for? She’s actually going to one of Taozi’s parties tonight. Boy does he never stop.”

Kyungsoo didn’t ask on how Sehun knew that fact or why she had just called Huang Zitao what sounded like a pet name, but Kyungsoo stood up, thinking about crowded rooms full of people and music that was too loud. “What? No. I’m not going to something like that!”

Sehun frustratingly tugged her arm. “Oh yeah, just tell her tomorrow, alright. When she’s already done having drunk sex with Byun Baekhyun.”

This got onto Kyungsoo’s nerves and she pulled her arm back. “She can’t do that.”

“No she can’t.”

“I am going over there and taking back what’s mine,” she declared, feeling a surge of adrenaline rushing through her. Kyungsoo hurriedly opened the door about to kick some ass but then…

“With that outfit? Hell nah.” Sehun plopped her back down on the bed and moved forward to sort through Kyungsoo’s belongings in the closet. Talk about rude! Her outfit was fine. She wasn’t going to the party anyways. And then she realized she was still wearing her school uniform. Oh.

Sehun’s scowl deepened. “What the fuck? This is all church girl shit. Really? Fucking really?” She brought out a dark green long-sleeved dress that went past Kyungsoo’s knees. Only Kyungsoo’s glare had Sehun putting it back in the closet before she could burn the thing down. “Ugh, might as well go with this.” Sehun threw Kyungsoo some skinny jeans.

 _So this is really happening_ , Kyungsoo sweated. _I’m actually doing this for Chanyeol. Bitch better appreciate._

“Oooh, what is this?” Kyungsoo did not like the tone of Sehun’s voice when she spoke. She looked up and saw her bringing out a white backless top that Kyungsoo had tried hard to push to the very back of her closet. How the hell had she found that? The top was from a garage sale. Its front looked very neat and pretty so she had bought it and it wasn’t until she got home that she’d realised that it was backless. She had not worn it ever since.

_I should have burned it when I had the chance._

Kyungsoo had no choice but to change in the bathroom. But not without making Sehun go out of her room because there was no way she trusted that girl to be alone with her belongings again. She had to take off her bra for the backless effect and it irritated her to no ends that she did not own any adhesive ones. Fuck fuck fuck. If some jerk decided to feel her up she was truly fucked.

The shirt stayed on her small torso anyway. Kyungsoo arranged her hair into a bun, even though the result looked like a mess instead. She contemplated her decision while looking at the mirror. This was the girl Chanyeol fell in love with, and this was the girl who was gonna love her back. She wasn’t letting Baekhyun get her filthy hands on Chanyeol, either. She’ll break up with Jongin, too. Tomorrow.

Her phone vibrated on her pocket and Kyungsoo opened it only to see it was a snapchat from Jongin. It was just a picture of his trig homework with the caption “i hate trig. entertain me pls?” with a little dog drawing on the side. She was trembling so much that the phone almost fell onto the floor. She let the 10 seconds pass before turning her phone off.

She refused to let makeup touch her face and Sehun was forced to admit defeat with a roll of her eyes.

“I’m not going with you though,” Sehun stated when they were already outside. The rain has ceased to a stop, and only the darkness of the night comforted Kyungsoo. “It’s your own battle to win.”

“Wait, what?” She had hoped that Sehun would at least accompany her to that… kind of place.

A hint of a smile ghosted over Sehun’s face. “I still have some unfinished business.”

Kyungsoo looked her over. How could she not notice? “Were you too busy fucking someone when I called you?”

Sehun’s eyes widened at the accusation but it only lasted for a second. “Yeah no. Can we forget about the ‘getting laid’ thing?”

“Alright. How do you explain that?” She pointed out Sehun’s blouse, where all the buttons were incorrectly placed. _I got you now._

Sehun went red when she saw. “Fuck that. I was late to class so I was in a hurry.”

Kyungsoo stifled a laugh. Out of all the excuses to use? “Are you listening to yourself? You’re Oh Sehun, you don’t care about being late. Plus your first class was with me, and you didn’t even bother attending that one.”

The other didn’t answer but instead chose to ignore Kyungsoo as she climbed on her motorcycle, and in the blink of an eye, she was gone. Kyungsoo couldn’t believe that she had just won an argument against Sehun. That alone deserved its own reward.

 

Too cold.

Kyungsoo cursed inwardly, hugging herself because why oh why didn’t it cross her mind to wear a jacket at least? Nevertheless, she let her sneakers drag her to the front porch of Huang Zitao’s infamous mansion. The party was alive but Kyungsoo wasn’t, feeling dread creep up her insides. She let out a shiver.

Too cold.

 _The music’s too fucking loud. And oh gosh, can’t these people get a room?_ She thought as a couple started making out beside her. She always had a thing against people showing affection in public. The music blasting was a little unbearable as well, sounding like one of those rock songs that irritated the hell out of her.

In short, she was not having the time of her life right now. Kyungsoo put on a face, making sure that it would drive the crazies, who might think she was down to fuck or something like that, away.

She entered, ignoring the increased volume of the music and the people getting wasted all around her. She immediately searched for Chanyeol, but the tall girl was nowhere to be found. The lights were too bright in her face and she must have looked dumb when Byun Baekhyun, clad in a skimpy pink dress, found her.

Way to ruin her night. She was smiling too. _Why is she doing that?_ It only irritated her to no end.

“Oh, it’s you!” Byun Baekhyun exclaimed, a bit red-faced.

Kyungsoo furrowed her bushy brows. “Me?”

“Yeah. Chanyeol’s friend, right? Are you looking for her? She’s in the backyard!” Byun Baekhyun shouted over the noise coming from the speakers and Kyungsoo was surprised that she was telling her all of this. Then it hit her. That Baekhyun only knew her as Chanyeol’s friend because that must be what Chanyeol had told her. Somehow, this didn’t really sit well with Kyungsoo.

“Okay,” she replied. “Okay.”

Kyungsoo went in the direction Byun Baekhyun was pointing towards and she panicked inside. What would she do if she did see Chanyeol? What would Chanyeol do if _she_ saw her? Would she turn away? Kyungsoo discovered that the music was coming from the backyard with every step she took.

She gasped in awe when she saw what looked like hundreds of people outside, all clamoring at the stage set up front. Kyungsoo tried to worm her way in the crowd, trying to see what all the fuss was about.

Kyungsoo saw Chanyeol and she was breathless.

Chanyeol was up on stage dressed in a band shirt, shorts that show off her fucking killer legs and combat boots, rapping with utmost speed, and she was going so hard at it that Kyungsoo could barely keep up. Everyone was cheering for her, though. Chanyeol transitioned into a more soothing singing voice for what she assumed was the chorus. Fucking hell, she loved Chanyeol’s voice.

The song finished with Chanyeol breathing hard and so was Kyungsoo. Her eyes were focused on the girl even when Chanyeol got off the stage, leaving a roar of applause on her wake. That set Kyungsoo’s gears into motion. She followed Chanyeol and her set of band members in one of the doors leading inside.

“Man, you really went there,” one of them said. He and Chanyeol shared a high five.

“Thanks. Couldn’t have done it without you guys.” She turned around to give them a hug and Kyungsoo almost had a heart attack when she did, choosing to hide in a corner. Get a grip on yourself. It’s now or never.

But when she turned back, Chanyeol was already walking away.

Kyungsoo rushed forward, excusing herself from the males who was talking to Chanyeol just now. Said girl was waddling towards the bathroom and Kyungsoo just thought that was the perfect place for a… confrontation. She trailed after her, and when they were both inside, Kyungsoo hastily locked the door behind her.

The sound had Chanyeol turning around in surprise. “Soo—“ she squeaked.

Kyungsoo cut her off with a push into the wall, and kissed the fuck out of her. For the first few seconds, Chanyeol didn’t respond and Kyungsoo wanted to cry because she had failed. She was happy for finally doing this but it looked like Chanyeol wasn’t. But then Chanyeol kissed her back while holding her bare neck and there were chills all through her.

Chanyeol pushed her tongue inside Kyungsoo’s mouth, gliding a hand over Kyungsoo’s back. This made Kyungsoo push herself harder into Chanyeol and she didn’t even want to stop to take a breath.

Yes, Sehun was right.

It was definitely more fun when it was someone you like.

Their tongues danced around with each other and Chanyeol groaned with that deep voice of hers and _fuck_ it made Kyungsoo feel so weird and hot at the same time.

They finally pulled away and stared at each other, panting really hard. Kyungsoo planted another kiss on Chanyeol’s lips. “I’m not running away anymore.”

Chanyeol lazily grinned. “I was waiting.” But then her smile became a frown. “What about Jongin, though?”

Kyungsoo smiled sadly at that. She couldn’t stop smiling at all. Why would she when Chanyeol’s face was finally right in front of her? With only inches apart at that. “I’ll do it tomorrow. He won’t like it but he’ll understand. It’s me.”

Chanyeol wasn’t so sure. “Fuck, I don’t want to break him.”

“You won’t. He’s a tough guy.” Someone knocked on the door and Kyungsoo turned around, panic welling up inside her. What if someone discovers them?

Chanyeol grabbed her, though, and she went red when she felt the other burying her nose in her neck. “Ignore it. I want to stay like this for a little while longer. I missed you, Soo. So fucking much that my heart hurts with each passing day I don’t see you around waiting for me at school.”

Kyungsoo took a sharp intake of breath because _CHANYEOL MISSED HER. FUCK._

The sound of keys and a doorknob turning had her wanting to rid herself of Chanyeol’s grasp, though. Just in time, as Byun Baekhyun came in. Fuck, she’d forgotten all about her.

But Baekhyun was smiling like a Cheshire cat, dangling her keys in the air. “About time you two hook up.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes widened and Baekhyun laughed at her expression, eyes disappearing. “She’s so cute. You’re right about that Chanyeol.”

“Like always.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes darted back and forth between the two. She was really confused. “So, uh, you guys aren’t a thing?”

Baekhyun laughed again, and Kyungsoo really wanted to punch those rectangular-shaped lips. “Nope. We fucked one time but Chanyeol here,” she snaked an arm around Chanyeol’s waist, leaning in. “…is too smitten with you to actually do it again.”

Chanyeol grumbled. “Stop feeding her ego now.”

Kyungsoo had to bite her lips to hide the smile that was itching to form. So Chanyeol was hers then. And hers alone.

She went home that night but didn’t sleep alone.

 

Kyungsoo woke up to morning kisses and burnt toast, and she thought this was the best morning she’d ever had her entire life. This being gay thing was alright… for now. She had never been more glad to actually wake up.

“So,” Chanyeol started over a sip of her coffee, tapping her fingers on the desk beside the bed. “You’re friends with Oh Sehun now.”

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo answered as she struggled to get into her uniform. With the look Chanyeol was giving her, it was really hard to not be overridden with arousal. She didn’t even know a thing about lesbian sex yet, but she badly wanted to do it. “She’s the one who helped me discover myself, actually.”

“Are you sure we’re talking about the same person? I owe her one then. Maybe I’ll let her touch my legs.”

Kyungsoo glared at her, waving the thought of Chanyeol’s legs out of her mind. “Don’t you dare.”

She put her mug on the desk. “I won’t.” Chanyeol pulled Kyungsoo into her lap, giving her another kiss. The taste of coffee filled Kyungsoo and she accepted it wholly. The kiss got heated and Kyungsoo stopped it while she still could.

“We have school, Park.”

Chanyeol groaned but complied.

 

  
7:50AM.

“You dress like a snail.” Kyungsoo looked Chanyeol up and down, noticing her unruly hair, unbuttoned vest and her hard breath from running. “I’ve been waiting for half an hour now.”

Chanyeol grinned. And just like that she was already forgiven. “Sorry about that. My mom had to be a mom and scold me for not going home last night.”

“Did you tell her you were at my house?”

Chanyeol’s tongue darted out while she was busy fixing her uniform. “Yeah and she gave me this look.”

Kyungsoo knew Mrs. Park was a smart woman. Smart and very strict. If she had already figured it out, would she be a friend or a foe? The Parks were overly religious, so she wasn’t very sure if they would be okay once they found out Chanyeol was gay.

Or did they already know? She needed to ask Chanyeol.

Still, the fact that she and Chanyeol were already a thing now… it made her feel all fluttery. That even the arrival of an irritated looking Sehun and a smug Jongdae didn’t destroy her mood.

“Oh, it’s you,” Sehun said once she saw Chanyeol.

Chanyeol replied with a wink. “It’s me.” It was gross and Sehun must have think of that as well because she was grimacing right after.

Kyungsoo then noticed Jongdae and the mess that he had on his head. “What kind of bird’s nest mess is that?”

Jongdae glided a hand over his hair, trying to fix it. Chanyeol looked him over and Kyungsoo could see that the girl was a few inches taller than him. “That looks like morning sex hair, to be honest.”

Cue Jongdae and Chanyeol’s laughter and Sehun kicking Jongdae’s leg for him to stop. “Yeah, this is Jongdae,” Kyungsoo introduced. “Jongdae meet Chanyeol. Chanyeol meet Jongdae who apparently had amazing morning sex.”

Chanyeol laughed at her own joke again. Kyungsoo shook her head, noticing her phone lighting up in her hand. It was a text. From Jongin.

Come up to the rooftop this instant.

Sehun read it over her shoulder like the rude bitch she was. “Isn’t class about to start, though?”

“Since when did you care?” Jongdae retorted. Chanyeol and Kyungsoo left them to their bloodbath.

Kyungsoo felt her heart gradually increasing its beats as they made their way to the rooftop. Funny because out of all the times her heart could have beaten this fast for Jongin, it was for this purpose. Chanyeol held her hand tightly. “You can do it,” she whispered. At least she had Chanyeol on her side.

But what greeted them upstairs shocked both of them.

Jongin was smiling, hands clasped on the bouquet of flowers he was holding. There was also a banner behind him, but Kyungsoo was too stunned to process the words scribbled on it.

She wanted to cry.

Jongin ran up to her and gave her the flowers, the smile so easy on his face. Kyungsoo accepted it meekly. Oh my god how could she forget? He then gave her a kiss on the forehead. Kyungsoo accepted the hug that came after it too. “Happy anniversary, babe. It’s been four years and I’m still lucky to have you,” he said while sniffing her hair.

“Uh-Uh…” Kyungsoo couldn’t say a thing.

That’s when Jongin noticed the other’s existence. “And you’ve brought Chanyeol back to us! Chanyeol, wow, I missed you.”

Chanyeol’s voice was hard as stone when she said, “It’s a pleasure.”

Kyungsoo pulled away from the hug but Jongin kissed her again. It was sour and it left a sick taste in her mouth. “Don’t tell me you forgot?” Jongin playfully pouted. “You never do! I’m waiting for my surprise Kyungsoo-cake now!”

The enthusiasm in Jongin’s voice was making this all the more harder for Kyungsoo. “Jongin, I…” She looked at Jongin, his puppy eyes and that handsome face. Oh god, she was so sorry.

Sorry for Chanyeol… “I love you too…” that she couldn’t break Jongin’s heart.

Jongin gave her another hug again, mouthing the words to some love song. Kyungsoo couldn’t hear anything but the sound of her own heart shattering. She didn’t even want to look at Chanyeol right now because she was so embarrassed and hurt.

He pulled back and looked at her. “Why are you crying?”

Chanyeol answered for her. “Love hurts.” Her laugh was forced.

When Kyungsoo finally did look at her, Chanyeol had her back turned already. “Anyway, you guys spend your day now. I’m out, I have class.”

No. Kyungsoo didn’t want her to go. Please. No running away again remember?

But Chanyeol disappeared just as quickly as how she’d planted kisses on Kyungsoo that morning.

 

Jongin easily took Kyungsoo out on a date.

But Kyungsoo couldn’t take Chanyeol out of her mind no matter how hard she tried.

She tried calling the girl several times, but she wouldn’t answer her calls or text messages.

She felt guilty for both Chanyeol and Jongin. Chanyeol for not breaking up with Jongin and Jongin for lying to him. Why is this all so hard? Just when she finally accepted Chanyeol in her life… it seemed the whole world was against her.

Jongin had reserved both of them a table at some fancy restaurant. Kyungsoo didn’t quite understand because it was too early and she already had her breakfast, courtesy of Chanyeol. Thinking about Chanyeol, she tried calling her once again but to no avail. Kyungsoo grit her teeth in frustration.

Her boyfriend had noticed what she was doing. “Who are you calling? You should eat soon.”

Godammit, she definitely didn’t want to eat just yet. “Chanyeol,” she blurted out.

Jongin raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

“It’s just… w-we left her like that… just when y’know… we already became friends again.”

He still looked puzzled. “But Chanyeol doesn’t mind. She knows that it’s our day today.”

Kyungsoo irritatingly replied, “I’m not hungry.”

A look of shock came over Jongin’s face, borderline forlorn. “Well, heh, that’s… a problem then. I worked hard to get us a seat here. I guess there’s always a next time.”

Now Kyungsoo felt bad. “No, I’ll eat. What’s done is done.”

So they ate in silence. Jongin tried lightening up the mood by saying “I must say… I kinda expected your cooking. It’s better.” He laughed.

Kyungsoo just stared at him.

Jongin looked down on his food.

Please let me explain, Kyungsoo typed on her phone under the table. She made sure to send it to Chanyeol over ten times.

Kyungsoo finished her food quickly and watched Jongin eat for the remaining time. She thought about the smile that he had shown her. She didn’t think she could afford to see it upside down. They had been together for 4 years now for fuck’s sake.

But she and Chanyeol had been together for a long time too, even longer than that.

Kyungsoo and Jongin spent the rest of the day strolling through the park with Jongin reminiscing their every first times. First kiss, hug, fight and the time they met. Kyungsoo only spoke when necessary, though. Otherwise she just let Jongin do all the talking.

He stopped his feet and looked at her. “Soo, is there anything wrong? You’ve been acting weird all day. Tell me if there’s a problem.”

I love you Jongin, she wanted to say. But not as much as I love Chanyeol.

“Nothing,” she said with a tight lipped smile. “I’m okay, babe.”

It was only when Jongin had kissed her that she realized that they were already in a hotel, both darkness and dread embracing her naked body as Jongin got out of his clothes. When did this happen? It was happening. It was for real. This is really happening. I’m gonna throw up.

He kissed her so passionately but it was Chanyeol she tasted.

She had let him do the deed.

It hurt, yes but her heart was in much more pain. It numbed her to no end. To the point where her tears weren’t caused by the pain down there.

Jongin was gentle but each touch felt like a needle prickling her skin.

“Chan—“ she blurted out.

“—What?” Jongin stopped.

She panicked. “Ch…chance… give me a chance to rest. Please.”

“Oh.” Jongin did what he was told and he let himself fall beside her. Kyungsoo had her back turned to him so that he wouldn’t see her crying.

But he must have heard. “Did it hurt? I’m sorry, Soo. I… fuck, we shouldn’t have done it.”

“No, stop. I’m… glad we’ve done it.” Fucking Kyungsoo shut the fuck up. Break up with him. You’re gonna hurt Chanyeol and yourself more if this keeps up. Kyungsoo felt like her 10 year old self again, afraid to speak up. Jongin hugged her tight until he fell asleep, his warmth radiating from his body to hers.

Kyungsoo didn’t feel anything.

 

She only felt dead for the next few weeks days, with Jongin trying everything to cheer her up. She tried searching for Chanyeol in school but she was nowhere to be found. When she saw Baekhyun on the hallways though, her usual smile was gone. The girl completely ignored Kyungsoo’s existence. Not like Kyungsoo minded at all. But Chanyeol must have told her what had happened.

“Spit it out,” Sehun said one morning when she and Kyungsoo were working on their own respective projects. Well, it wasn’t really Sehun doing her own work, but Jongdae, who was too focused to join the conversation.

“Spit out what exactly?” Kyungsoo’s voice had gradually transitioned into a monotone-like voice. She blamed Sehun and her influence on her.

Sehun pinched her side and Kyungsoo yelped. She then tried to kick Sehun’s legs in return but the girl saw it coming already. “Ugh, fuck you.”

“It’s you who got fucked though,” Sehun replied.

Kyungsoo’s voice croaked. “What?” Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jongdae’s head perking up. He was clearly listening to the convo anyway. She didn’t know if she could blab enough with him around.

Sehun must have seen her dilemma because the next thing she had said was, “Leave. Come back when you’re done.”

After Jongdae threatening to throw her project in the trash and Sehun making sure he didn’t, Kyungsoo finally asked. “How can you tell?”

Sehun smiled at her sleazily and godammit, it reminded her of Chanyeol’s. “You’ve been walking weird since a few days ago. Everyone can tell.”

Kyungsoo is shocked by this and asked with an open mouth, “Really?”

Sehun smirked before flicking her forehead. “Of course not. It’s just me who’s smart enough to catch on. Also, who else notices you to be honest?” She didn’t let Kyungsoo reply to that as she leaned in closely and whispered, “So how was it?”

Kyungsoo blinked and pulled her head back. “It hurt, yeah. But I kind of enjoyed it anyway.”

_Maybe._

_No I didn’t._

Sehun leaned back and observed her. “Aren’t you growing up? First time I did it was in the girl’s bathroom and it was sloppy as fuck. But we were both so high we didn’t care. I’m proud of you, son. Who topped anyway? I hate to admit it but you seem like you’d top over Chanyeol.”

And just like that, a wave of guilt washed over Kyungsoo again. Sehun thought her first time was with Chanyeol. Sehun didn’t know what she had done. I’m inclined to tell her now. “Uhm, it wasn’t Chanyeol… it was Jongin.”

Sehun’s brows furrowed so hard it would be a miracle if she didn’t get wrinkles for that. “What the fuck did you just say just now?” Kyungsoo didn’t really want to repeat again. Good thing Sehun didn’t let her. “Fucking fuck Kyungsoo. You had one job.”

Kyungsoo defensively answered, “Listen, okay?! I couldn’t do it! I love Jongin too and that was our anniversary. Chanyeol was there and shit I’ve hurt her. Now she won’t talk to me again.”

Sehun just kind of stared at her for the next 30 seconds. “I can’t believe you. Why does Chanyeol even like you?”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re fucking dumb. Christ. I feel so bad for the both of them.”

Sehun’s words hurt too much but Kyungsoo couldn’t argue with pure truth.

“Listen here, you,” Sehun grabbed her shoulders and shook them really hard. “I told you to fucking choose. So choose. The right one. When you’re with Chanyeol, the both of you are so happy it might even sicken me. But Jongin? Fuck Jongin. He’s better off without you. I’m pretty sure he can take the heartbreak. You’ve been putting Chanyeol through so many, though.”

_She says it so easily. But Jongin is very important to me as well as Chanyeol. Sehun doesn’t understand._

“Man, I need to take a breather,” Sehun said, standing up to leave. Kyungsoo was about to say something but her phone vibrated in her pocket.

It was from Chanyeol.

Her heart beat fast as she opened the message.

Never had she ever run so fast her entire life.

Kyungsoo’s house was only a few meters far away from university and she had to give credit to her dad for that. She flipped over the welcome mat to find her key not in the same position she had put it in before. Kyungsoo unlocked the door and before she had a chance of closing it, lips were already on hers.

Chanyeol kissed her neck next and Chanyeol was… Chanyeol was crying. With every pucker of her lips to her neck came a whisper, “He… fucking… touched… you.”

Kyungsoo went back to her senses and gently pushed her away. “And I let him. I’m sorry.” She took a good look at the girl before her and damn, she was a mess. Her eyes were red and sore. Her short hair uncombed. Kyungsoo touched the face she fell in love with. “I’m sorry,” she choked back a sob. “I’m sorry. I can’t. I can’t leave him. I love him.”

Chanyeol stared back and slightly tucked Kyungsoo’s hair behind her ear. She then pulled Kyungsoo’s earlobe and fuck, Kyungsoo missed that a lot. “Why do I even like you?” Chanyeol seemed to be talking more to herself than to her. “You’d think I would have learned my lesson after being heartbroken many times. But I can’t. You’re a magnet and I’m too damn well attracted. It hurts my heart hearing it from him that… you guys have done it. I can’t take it anymore. Kyungsoo,” she grabbed Kyungsoo’s hand and puts it in the direction of her heart, “make the pain stop.”

Kyungsoo was panting really hard because fuck, she was about to make the biggest mistake of her life. “I love him but… I don’t want to lose you. Stay with me.” She hugged the tall girl and laid her head on her chest. Chanyeol’s smell engulfed her and she didn’t want to let go.

Even though it was wrong.

Chanyeol hesitated before petting Kyungsoo’s hair. “We can’t—“

“—We can!” Kyungsoo’s voice is muffled from burying herself onto Chanyeol’s shirt. “I don’t care. I’m not letting you get away again. He won’t know. I won’t let him know. Chanyeol, please…” Chanyeol’s shirt was soaking wet with her tears now.

Chanyeol didn’t say anything and Kyungsoo was about to give up but then the girl raised her chin to meet her eyes, and Chanyeol planted a kiss on her lips, the salty taste bringing a smile on Kyungsoo’s face. “Okay, Soo. Okay. I’ll do whatever you want.”

They don’t talk about it anymore that night. The name ‘Jongin’ wasn’t uttered by anyone’s lips. All they did was cuddle on the couch and make out a little… okay, a lot.

The best kisses are from someone you like, Sehun had said.

Fuck Sehun for always being right.

 

Her phone on the table rang yet again while Chanyeol was in between unbuttoning her school uniform and she groaned. Why the hell did she forget to put it on silent? Kyungsoo ignored it anyway, choosing to continue on leaving marks on Chanyeol’s neck.

“Don’t you have to answer that?” she asked her.

“Mmm later.” She pulled Chanyeol’s hands to her blouse to make her continue. She wanted Chanyeol and she wanted her now. Ain’t no phone ever gonna stop that from happening.

Chanyeol resisted though, snatching the phone from the coffee table. “C’mon.” She looked over the phone and her face frowned. “It’s Jongin.”

 _Perfect_ , Kyungsoo thought, a little too begrudgingly, and she took the thing away from Chanyeol. “He’s probably going to ask about homework again.”

Chanyeol laughed. “Nah. It’s me he comes after if it’s about school.”

That laugh was one of the sexiest thing she had seen so far and it made Kyungsoo want Chanyeol out of those clothes even faster. She answered the call. “Jongin?”

“Hey babe. Where did you go? I thought we were gonna watch a movie after class?”

 _Shit_. She felt a hand sliding over to her thighs and _holy fuck stop right there Park Chanyeol_. Kyungsoo tried to kick the hand away but Chanyeol had overpowered her by trapping both of her legs under her own. “U-uh yeah sure, can it be tomorrow? I’m—“ Chanyeol decided to ruin her life by blowing her hot breath in the direction of Kyungsoo’s crotch. “Uh! I uh, uh, am at home now. I-I don’t feel too good. Tomorrow!”

Chanyeol chuckled at Kyungsoo’s red face, pinching her cheeks. _THIS BITCH_.

Jongin let a few seconds pass before replying. “...okay.” 

“Hey, what about Chanyeol?”

Jongin sounded all too happy at the mention of Chanyeol’s name. “Oh yeah! Let’s invite her too. Haven’t seen her for a while.”

Chanyeol pinched Kyungsoo’s thighs which earned her a glare from the latter. “On second thought, let’s not.”

Jongin insisted though and he spent at least a minute scolding Kyungsoo on how to be a good friend.

 

Kyungsoo slept halfway through the movie.

Chanyeol’s shoulder, which was on her right, had been her comfort and albeit the complications, i.e Chanyeol laughing every 5 seconds which shook her from her slumber. Jongin was holding her left hand, intently watching the movie.

Jongin took his eyes away from the mediocre sci-fi movie and noticed Kyungsoo’s head on Chanyeol’s shoulder. “Now that Chanyeol’s back you prefer her more than me again,” he said playfully.

Half-asleep, she only managed to reply with a “yes”.

Jongin and Chanyeol both chuckled lightly, with Jongin whining about how he’s just number 2 again. Kyungsoo was busy doing other things, though. Like finding Chanyeol’s hand for instance. She reached for it and she felt the other girl stiffen at the touch.

She softened right after and squeezed.

It was cold in the theatre and Chanyeol’s warm touch was the perfect remedy for the situation.

Kyungsoo fell asleep yet again and when she woke up, the credits were rolling. Everyone was getting up to leave. Jongin waved his hand erratically in front of her face. “I’m glad you enjoyed the movie, sleepy head.”

She apparently didn’t miss much because the good guy won at the end. Jongin ended up excusing himself to use the bathroom because “damn it’s too cold”. When he was out of sight, Chanyeol attacked Kyungsoo’s neck with a sloppy kiss which made her jump.

“What are you doing?”

“I’ve been itching to touch you ever since I saw you today,” she replied, nuzzling her neck.

Thank the lord it was still somehow dark inside for she must have turned really red. Most of the people leaving were staring at them, though. So she gently pushed the other away, but not before planting a quick kiss on the girl’s cheeks. “Not here.”

They all left the theatre once Jongin came back from his break. He had three cones of ice cream on his hands, though. Kyungsoo inwardly groaned because all of them were strawberry. _Again_. Why did Jongin keep forgetting?

At least she had an excuse to reject it. “You didn’t need to. I’m going to Chanyeol’s for dinner, remember?” The Parks had invited her when she dropped by this morning. Mrs. Park’s stoic face told her that she couldn’t refuse. Why would she anyway? It had been a long time since she saw Chanyeol’s satanic chamber that she called her bedroom. She missed it.

“Oh… right.” Jongin tried to smile. “Here, Chanyeol. I guess you get two.”

Chanyeol was more than happy to be offered two cones. “Give me your cone too while you’re at it,” she said, already finishing the first one.

They said their goodbyes to Jongin (Kyungsoo kissing him on the cheek and Chanyeol fist bumping with him) when they were in front of Chanyeol’s. Kyungsoo had no idea why Jongin just couldn’t eat with them, but she wasn’t going to ask. The Parks were hardly fond of the boy ever since of the Chanyeol-dog incident.

“Forgive them if they say anything… weird,” Chanyeol opened up once they were alone.

“What are you saying?”

Chanyeol didn’t answer her and instead went to the dining hall. Kyungsoo followed, bowing at the sight of Mr. and Mrs. Park on the table. She looked for Chanyeol’s sister too, but she was nowhere to be found.

Apparently, Chanyeol was curious about that too. “Where’s Yura?”

“Your sister is staying with her boyfriend for the night.” Chanyeol’s father was still in his work clothes. He turned towards Kyungsoo. “I’m glad you could join us, Kyungsoo. It’s been a long time. Sorry Yura isn’t here. She’s dying to see you, though.”

Kyungsoo highly doubted that. Yura never even paid her any attention all the times they had crossed paths. Kyungsoo smiled anyway. “Thank you. I wanted to see her, too.”

Chanyeol shrugged beside her and sat in one of the cushioned chairs. Kyungsoo sat to the right of her. Mrs. Park wasn’t even looking at them, too busy typing on her phone.

After praying, they ate in silence. Only the scraping of fork and knife against plates could be heard. Kyungsoo was trembling for some reason. Chanyeol must have seen because for she reached and intertwined their fingers together. She wasn’t that all surprised, though. Dinners with the Park had always been kind of awkward. She could always tell Chanyeol was afraid of speaking up to her parents.

When Mrs. Park finally spoke up, it was with disgust. “Have you heard about the Chois from next door? They’re sending Minho away to a rehabilitation camp. Want to guess why?”

Chanyeol only ate her food. Mr. Park grunted in reply.

“He was found kissing his dancing coach in their practice room. It’s a shame.” Mrs. Park pursed her lips. “It’s his parents’ fault for sure. Not raising him properly. I’d do more than send him to a camp, mind you. Maybe get an exorcist…”

Kyungsoo felt like throwing up the beef she had just swallowed. What were they saying? Was Chanyeol hearing all of this? If she did, she made sure to keep silent.

Mr. Park could only nod. “I’d disown him as well. There’s no way I’d have something like that stain the family name. I hope God puts him in enough suffering for him to see the light.”

So that meant Chanyeol’s parents still didn’t know about her then. And if they did, it’d be trouble.

“Yes yes,” Mrs. Park said, typing away on her phone again. “Homose—“

“—I’m done.” Chanyeol stood up so suddenly that Kyungsoo almost jumped back in her seat. She grabbed Kyungsoo’s arm and pulled. “I’m showering. Good night. Come, Kyungsoo.”

“She’s not even done eating,” Mr. Park’s thunderous voice argued.

“Uh-I-I’m quite done,” Kyungsoo meekly replied.

Chanyeol dragged her upstairs to her bedroom and locked the door behind them. The room was still the same, Kyungsoo found. The only thing that had any color was Chanyeol’s bookshelf and even then most of the books had black covers.

“Do they always talk like that?” Kyungsoo asked.

“Yes. I’m sick of it.” Chanyeol was in the midst of undressing when she answered the question. Kyungsoo willed herself to look away, because she was feeling really weird. The words of Chanyeol’s parents were still ringing in her ears.

Chanyeol was in her bathrobe by the time Kyungsoo managed to stand up to give her a hug. “I’m sorry you had to suffer through that. I’m sure… they’ll understand. Someday. I’m sure they would. I know.” Kyungsoo felt like she was talking more to herself than to her.

Her heart felt like being stabbed when Chanyeol disentangled herself from the hug. “I need to shower.” She left Kyungsoo to do so, locking herself inside the bathroom.

Kyungsoo pouted and looked around the room. Her pout became a sad little smile when she saw her picture with Chanyeol and Jongin still at the same place as the last time she had seen it. It was a picture taken in their second year of high school. Jongin was between Chanyeol and her, arms slung around both of them. All of them were smiling with their eyes, looking like they had just established world peace.

She made a move to reach for it when she noticed something else instead. Behind the picture frame was what looked like a small bottle. It was white so it was easy to spot. Curious, Kyungsoo took that one into her hands instead.

It looked like prescription pills. But what for? The bottle said ‘celexa’ but Kyungsoo wasn’t familiar with what that meant. The thought of Chanyeol taking pills, though… was she ill? There’s no way Chanyeol would hide something like that from her, right? Bringing out her phone, she decided she’d take a picture anyway and research later.

Maybe it was sleeping pills. Yeah… yeah, there was no way Chanyeol was sick.

The sound of the doorknob turning had Kyungsoo hastily placing the bottle back to its position. She stood up straight, heart racing, just as when Chanyeol opened the door to her bathroom, hair slicked wet. Kyungsoo could feel herself visibly sweating. Why was she so nervous? She hadn’t done something bad. Except for prying into other people’s things, yeah. God, she was becoming such a Sehun.

“Why do you look like you’ve just seen a ghost?” Kyungsoo was glad Chanyeol was smiling at least.

“It’s because you in a bathrobe takes my breath away,” she managed to lie. Not really a lie, though.

Chanyeol just smiled while walking slowly towards her. Kyungsoo gulped. Should she ask about the pills? But she found it very hard to really breathe when Chanyeol was _that_ close to her.

But then Chanyeol’s smile dropped, replaced with her puppy-like expression. “See the reason why I can’t go to live with you? They’d kill me if I’m let out of their sight. I want to move out but they won’t let me. Look. I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have come and heard all those things. Let me just get dressed and I’ll get you home.”

Wait what? “What?” She was expecting something else. Not this. Not her heart shattering in a million pieces. “I… uh…” She was so stupid. She was just here for dinner of course. She got what she came for. Now it’s time for her to leave. “Don’t bother. I’ll show myself out.”

“Kyungsoo—“ Kyungsoo cut Chanyeol short with a peck on the lips. Then she returned Chanyeol’s sad smile before walking away.

 

“Somebody wake her up for fuck’s sake.”

“You do it.”

“I’m kinda busy here.”

“I’ll do it!”

That was how Chanyeol was woken up by a bucketful of seawater on her head. Chanyeol screamed while Kyungsoo and the others laughed. Baekhyun, the root of evil as Kyungsoo liked to call her, smiled innocently and plucked seaweed from Chanyeol’s hair.

“What the f—wait, we’re here? We’re here!” Chanyeol couldn’t believe it.

“Like since an hour ago. For the birthday girl, you sure like to spend your whole day sleeping,” Sehun said, rolling her eyes before making her way to Jongdae’s side. Only to give him a slap on the back.

It was Chanyeol’s 20th birthday, and they’d all agreed to go to one of the Parks’ private beach houses. That included her, Kyungsoo, Jongin, Sehun, Jongdae and Baekhyun. Although Kyungsoo was pretty sure Baekhyun didn’t get an invitation, she came anyway. Chanyeol had saved them the trouble and slept for the whole ride and it was only now that she was woken up.

“What are you wearing?” Chanyeol asked Kyungsoo, looking at her church girl clothes with distaste. “Change into your bikini! I’m sure Jongin is dying from the wait,” she winked in the boy’s direction. Jongin turned redder than the hotdogs he was currently eating.

Kyungsoo changed inside the cabin, wearing the polka-dotted one piece she had bought last week. Truthfully, she hadn’t changed yet because she wanted to do it with Chanyeol. But the girl was already wearing a bikini underneath her tank top and shorts and Kyungsoo could only pout.

“Nice boobs.” A pair of hands grabbed her breasts and Kyungsoo let out a scream. Baekhyun smiled with a peace sign using her hands, tongue darting out. “Aren’t you a screamer? What are you gonna get Chanyeol?”

Still a little mad that she went up to her like that, she glared. “Something I’m sure you already haven’t offered.”

Baekhyun put her hands up at the remark. “Easy there, tiger. I thought I made it clear Chanyeol and I are only just friends.”

Kyungsoo sighed, “Sorry. I’m going now.”

But before she could walk away, Baekhyun grabbed her arm. Kyungsoo flinched at the touch. “Don’t play with her like that. I told you. I’m Chanyeol’s friend. I don’t want to see her getting hurt. Your boyfriend has it way worse, though.”

What the fuck? Kyungsoo pulled her hand away. “Mind your own business.” And with that, she made a hasty exit.

To her dismay, Baekhyun followed but paid her attention to Chanyeol instead, hooting. “Who is this sexy bitch?!”

Chanyeol grinned, pushing her sunglasses to her head. “She’s right beside you.”

Kyungsoo really hated blushing. Baekhyun only snorted beside her and ran towards Jongdae and Sehun, probably to annoy the both of them. Kyungsoo watched her leave, annoyed at her mere existence.

_Click!_

She turned towards Chanyeol, who was continuously taking pictures of her with her phone. “Hey… stop that!” _Click!_ “I’m gonna kill you.”

 _Click!_ “I’m making that my wallpaper.” _Click!_ It looked like Chanyeol was about to say something else but Kyungsoo didn’t let her, lunging forward to attack the girl. Curse Chanyeol and her long sexy legs. That fucker could run.

The sand was hot on her feet but Kyungsoo didn’t care. “Park Chanyeol! Give it here!”

Chasing Chanyeol came to a halt when Jongin blocked Kyungsoo with a spatula, waving it on her face. “I’m gonna go cook. Want to come and help me?” He had a sly smile on his lips.

Kyungsoo looked past him, breathing hard. Ugh, she could never catch Chanyeol now. “I’m busy.”

“C’mon, babe. She would expect your cooking on her birthday.”

Kyungsoo contemplated that. She had nothing better to do anyway. But she wanted to spend more time with Chanyeol. Kyungsoo grabbed the spatula from him, which made him smile. “Alright. Been a long time since I’ve cooked for you guys anyway.”

 _Interlude_ “Sunscreen?” Baekhyun held up a bottle of spf, eyeing the man before her. Jongdae squinted, the sun hitting his eyes. He turned on his back as a reply. “Yes please.” Sehun spotted them out of the corner of her eye, applying the same sunblock lotion on her legs. She stopped once she saw Baekhyun getting on her knees though and applying the lotion over the course of Jongdae’s back. Sehun hadn’t noticed that she was already squeezing her bottle with anger, the contents spilling out like crazy on her leg. “What the fuck,” she muttered to herself and at the mess. She went back to staring at the two. Baekhyun made Jongdae turn and she applied the lotion, massaging his toned torso. Jongdae looked like he was really enjoying it, his catlike lips curling up. Baekhyun trailed her long witch fingers down Jongdae’s stomach and _wow that’s it_. Sehun stood up, flicking the mess on her legs away with a hand. She pulled Baekhyun to a stand. “Play some volleyball with me.” Baekhyun was surprised for a second before putting on a smirk. “Okay, but I’ll have you know that I’ve played it since I was a kid.” “I wish I cared,” was Sehun’s only reply before dragging Baekhyun to where the net was. Before she left, though, she made sure to kick sand on Jongdae’s face. Jongdae sputtered. “Pwa! What the fuck!”

“Come on.”

“I’m baking a cake!” Kyungsoo argued, but she let herself be led to the water. The wave splashed around their legs, making Kyungsoo tremble because of the cold. She whined, “It’s really cold. Let’s go back!”

“The cake can wait,” Chanyeol said, tugging her arm. “I can’t.” Another wave hit their legs, the force almost making Kyungsoo stumble at her feet. Chanyeol caught her arm just in time, already setting her eyes on another one. “Hey, look. A big one. Let’s go!"

Kyungsoo stared at the wave in horror. “What?! No! We might drown, stupid!” The wave was approaching really fast, making her tremble. She didn’t know whether to blame it on that or the coldness of the water, though. “Let’s just go, please?”

But as always, Chanyeol wasn’t listening. She let go of Kyungsoo and stormed forward. Kyungsoo had no choice but to tag along, shouting, “Hey! Don’t leave me!” She grabbed hold of Chanyeol’s arms, because for the love of God, she couldn’t swim to save her life in a swimming pool—let alone a sea with big waves such as this.

“When I count to three, you duck!” Chanyeol shouted over the roaring of the waters.

Kyungsoo looked aghast. “Duck?! What?!” She coughed when some water went inside her mouth.

“One, two—“

“—Wha! Chanyeol, it’s coming!” Kyungsoo screamed.

“Three!” Kyungsoo had no time to close her eyes when Chanyeol grabbed her tiny shoulders and pushed her underwater. The wave had pushed past them, almost making Kyungsoo lose her balance. She couldn’t breathe. Her eyes stung and she wanted to close them. But how could she when Chanyeol’s face was inches from hers?

As if on cue, Chanyeol opened her eyes. If Kyungsoo was stupid enough she would have gulped. Chanyeol moved in closer—Kyungsoo was losing her breath far more quickly because of this. A wonder how such cold lips felt so warm against her own. Chanyeol was kissing her. Underwater. This bitch must have planned this all along.

It had to stop, though, because Kyungsoo really needed to take a breath. She pulled away, but before she had the chance to raise her head over the water, Chanyeol took that time to pinch her nipple.

Above, Kyungsoo gasped for air. “You’re so nasty.”

A naughty smile was plastered on Chanyeol’s face. They just looked at each other like that, breathing raggedly.

“Happy birthday,” Kyungsoo said. “Got any presents?”

“You’re the best gift I could ever ask for.”

Kyungsoo’s face turned a blushing red—all the way till they came back to the shore, hot sand scorching their feet. To her right she could see that Baekhyun and Sehun were still at it with their volleyball game. Baekhyun looked strained and her face was scrunched up to that of weariness. On the other side, Sehun was returning the ball with an impassive look on her face.

It wasn’t only until Sehun hit the ball inches from Baekhyun’s face that the latter admitted defeat. “Alright, alright. You won. Your passes went hard. Why are you so riled up?” There was a teasing edge to Baekhyun’s voice which Kyungsoo had no idea she was capable of making.

But Sehun wasn’t even looking at Baekhyun anymore, choosing to glare at Jongdae instead. Jongdae had watched the whole game all while lying on his floral beach towel. He had a smirk on his lips as he said, “You played well.”

“You’re a better player than I am.” Sehun swaggered away, leaving a silent Jongdae and an amused Baekhyun.

“The cake’s burnt,” Kyungsoo commented as she swallowed a slice of red velvet. Chanyeol’s birthday cake was aesthetically pleasing, with the arranged birthday candles and eloquently designed whipped cream. The taste… however…

“Yeah, no shit,” Baekhyun helpfully added, staring at the cake with distaste.

“And whose fault is that?” Jongin bit back. “I told you to check on it because I wanted to get some sleep. I woke up to the stove almost burning itself off. I could have like… died.”

Baekhyun rolled her eyes while Kyungsoo had the decency to look ashamed. She didn’t really mean to leave it like that. She just wanted to go out and greet Chanyeol a happy birthday… no, swim a little with Chanyeol—no, make out a little with Chanyeol.

“Everything tastes better if it’s Kyungsoo!” And to prove that point, Chanyeol gulped the rest of her slice in one go. Then she took a swing from her beer bottle and emptied it in a few seconds. “Give me another one.” Jongdae, the one nearest the drinks, had no other choice but to give in to the birthday girl.

“You need to drink less,” Kyungsoo scowled.

“And you more,” Chanyeol the red-faced giant poured the beer in one of the glass bottles, handing it to Kyungsoo after. “Lighten up. You’ll taste better.”

Kyungsoo coughed and snuck a glance towards Jongin, to see if he had heard. He seemed way too busy with the cigarette on his mouth. _Gross_ was all she could think at the sight. Kyungsoo timidly took the glass from Chanyeol and drank.

The effect hit Kyungsoo almost immediately. She had drunk before, sure, but not in a long time. The wave of intoxication already spurring inside her head.

The look must have been obvious on her face. “Are you sure that was a good idea?” Baekhyun asked.

“Of course not. But who cares? I’m here anyway,” Chanyeol obnoxiously laughed. It made the throbbing on Kyungsoo’s head much worse. “And Jongin! Hahaha! Jongin, of course you. No one should forget about you.” She stood up and went towards him, only to give him a back hug. “It’s your turn to drink!”

Kyungsoo held up a hand. “I-I’m not done yet.” She eyed the half-empty glass. “Don’t overlook me.”

Jongin looked worried. “You sure about that?”

Kyungsoo was annoyed that Jongin would underestimate her like that. To show him, she gulped the rest of her drink, ignoring the taste. By the time she finished, her breath was ragged and it wouldn’t be a surprise if she looked just as red as Chanyeol. “Where’s Sehun?” She didn’t know why those words suddenly came out of her mouth.

“Smoking outside… you’re the one who told us…” Jongdae had one eyebrow raised.

“Hahahaha right.” Godammit, her headache was getting worse by the second. “I’m…” Her vision blurred, even though she used all her will to make it focus again—but to no avail. Her head fell on one of her friends’ shoulders, she didn’t know whose. All she knew was that she wanted it to end.

And it did.

Kyungsoo woke up with a headache, this one slightly less painful. She was lying on something comfortable. A bed, maybe. Her vision couldn’t focus on anything because it was too dark. What time was it? Honestly, she shouldn’t be bothered. _I should go back to sleep. Make this pain go away._

But then she heard voices. They were hushed whispers. “What did I tell you about talking back to me?” It was a guy’s voice, if Kyungsoo’s aching head was telling her correctly. It really sounded like one, though.

“I’m sorry, I…” There were two of them. Who were they? Kyungsoo wished she could see but she was in too much pain to move. “…just punish me, please.”

“Oh, I will.” After that, there was some bed creaking. It sounded close. Was it? Kyungsoo’s eyes were betraying her, already closing themselves to sleep. She tossed around in the bed—the creaking stopped. Everything stopped. 

“Shit, can’t you be any quieter?” _Who was that?_

“Let’s stop before one of them wakes up.”

“What? Fuck, I need you inside me.”

“Do as I say.” The guy’s voice was muffled but it came out really angry and impatient.

Kyungsoo couldn’t process who the voices belonged to. She just wanted to get some sleep, godammit. Her eyes spot a lock of orange hair. This made her smile. That must mean Chanyeol was sleeping right beside her. Kyungsoo was about to put an arm over Chanyeol when another one sneaked on her waist.

“Soo, go to sleep, baby.” It was the half-asleep voice of Jongin. He buried his face in her back the next second.

Three of them in one bed. Kyungsoo probably had something sarcastic to say about this but sleep overtook her before she could do anything.

She found herself entangled in a hug with Chanyeol by the time she woke up. Chanyeol was still snoring, mouth wide open and her arms are wrapped around Kyungsoo like her life depended on it. Kyungsoo felt guilty at once. What if someone saw them? She quickly but very gently pulled away, noticing that Jongin wasn’t there beside her.

“You two are cute.” Kyungsoo almost had a heart attack when Jongin appeared from the door, a mug of coffee in his hand.

Kyungsoo could only smile shamefully; wishing guilt wasn’t that evident on her face.

Surprisingly, Sehun and Jongdae had made up. Kyungsoo wondered how, watching them tease each other with spatulas and knives. She must have missed a lot last night. But then again, that’s what you get when you pass out in one shot. Honestly, it only made her feel embarrassed every time she thought about it.

What was not surprising though, was that the house was a complete mess. The kitchen itself had half of the utensils sprawling around the room and the microwave upside down. Jongdae had been picking up all the knives when Sehun came up from behind and poked his butt with a knife—to which Jongdae retaliated with, “Ah, satan with his fork, I see.” Kyungsoo was a _bit_ thankful she’d missed events from last night.

“Don’t worry, the maids will clean it up. One of them, I don’t know,” Chanyeol shrugged, hair unkempt and still on her pajamas.

What shocked Kyungsoo (although she probably could have seen it coming) was Baekhyun coming out of the room on her undies. She especially did not like the way a smirk played itself on Chanyeol’s face when she hooted. Baekhyun seemed to be liking the attention, though. Did she forget they had two males invited or did her libido miss that memo?

“Nice body, huh.” She hoped the coldness in her voice would go noticed by her stupid friend.

Chanyeol sipped on the coffee she was drinking. “Not as nice as yours.”

Kyungsoo had to turn around to check if someone was listening. “Did you say anything about… us last night?”

“I’m not sure,” Chanyeol scratched her head.

Kyungsoo tsked. “You know if he finds out we’re screwed, right?”

“I’m aware.”

“I just…” Kyungsoo laid her head on Chanyeol’s shoulder, cherishing the moment. “…I don’t want to let go just yet. I love you, Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol seemed shocked at the sudden proclamation, body stiffening. This somehow irritated Kyungsoo. _Does she not think I love her? I’m cheating on Jongin for her!_ But her thoughts came to a halt when Chanyeol touched her chin and brought her lips to hers. “I love you, too, Kyungsoo. Much more.” Another kiss. “I love you much more than myself. Much more than anything on this whole world.”

Kyungsoo let herself get lost in the mix of coffee, morning breath and Chanyeol’s love. 

 

————————————— 

A few months passed, with all three of them bombarded with projects for their finals and Kyungsoo found it hard to manage time doing her revision, working on her projects, while still spending time with Chanyeol behind Jongin’s back. Not like Chanyeol had any time for her either, she thought glumly. Chanyeol was too busy preparing for the exams as well, and hardly ever hung out with the two. But when she did, she made sure Kyungsoo didn’t feel unwanted or unloved, showering her with sweet kisses whenever Jongin was not around.

But those days were a rarity. She only saw Chanyeol twice a week, and even then those meetings were always in secret.

 

—————————————

_Oh he’s finally gone. Get here asap 04:10pm_

__

04:15pm I can’t.

Wtf why 04:15pm

04:18pm Have to revise for this test. Sorry

Ughhh ihy 04:18pm

Jk. I love you. Do well on your test. 04:19pm

Hit me up whenever you’re done. 04:19pm

Chanyeol I can’t believe they’re showing The Notebook on local tv with dubs lmao 08:10pm

SOB I AM SOBBING SO HARD AND NO ONE HERE TO COMFORT ME 08:55pm

I mean your education is important too!!!! 08:55pm

Goodnight Channie. Yes I am calling you that because I’m mad you didn’t even reply at least once!! 11:34pm

Good morning. You could’ve at least replied to that one. 06:21am

08:30am Hey. I’m sorry for the late reply. I fell asleep and only woke up just now. :/ 2 lazy 2 go 2 school

WHAT!!! PARK CHANYEOL gdi I want to see you today damn you 08:31am

GET IN HEREEEEEEEEEEEE 10:26am

I miss you. 11:43am

Jongin made me eat strawberry again. He’s doing this on purpose. 12:15pm

Wtf I just saw you on the quadrangle talking to someone else. 01:09pm

I SEE HOW IT IS. 01:09pm

“Too lazy to go to school’ MY ASS 01:09pm

04:27pm Hey. My groupmates forced me to go to school to discuss our project. 04:27pm I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to tell you. 04:27pm I’m sorry I’m really busy these days. 04:28pm I love you though. I might not be able to text again so here’s an advance goodnight. 04:28pm XOXO HUGS AND KISSES ILL MAKE IT UP TO YOU

Ugh fine. But you’ll have to treat me to coffee tomorrow. 04:38pm

You’re not the only one plagued with projects. 04:38pm

Let’s go to the usual. Be there by 11 or I’ll have your head off. 04:39pm

04:40pm Deal.

Love you. 04:40pm

Good night Chanyeol. 01:32am

Good morning Chanyeol. Don’t forget! I love you!! 06:20am

Jongin’s asking about you. Did you not go to school again? 08:49am

FINALLY CLASS IS OVER 10:30am

I even came here five minutes late and you’re not around. Wtf where are you? 11:07am

I called you 3 times. Why are you not answering? ISTG 11:10am

I saw Baekhyun. She hasn’t seen you either. 11:15am

Chanyeol I’m leaving. 11:58am

Not leaving you though. I’m sure you have an understandable reason for this. ^^ 11:58am

03:08pm Oh god. I’m really sorry Kyungsoo. I had to go somewhere else today. 03:08pm I’ll just come over your house tonight. Oh and invite Jongin too. I miss you both.

fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffine. 03:08pm

—————————————

 

“You spelt chemistry wrong. ‘Chennistry’, really?” Kyungsoo thumbed through the papers Chanyeol had been working on for the past few weeks.

Chanyeol could only groan, burying her face in her giant hands. “I swear that looked like an ‘m’ when I went through it. Ugh, just—can we talk about other things instead?”

Kyungsoo looked at her. Chanyeol looked like a mess, if she were to tell the truth. The bags under her eyes had increased, and her eyes were kind of swollen. She saw how university was taking its toll on her. Kyungsoo really just wanted to hug her and tell her everything would be fine. But something willed her not to. “Change it right now. You’ll likely forget it after a few minutes, knowing you.”

When Chanyeol scowled, it made Kyungsoo instantly regret what she said. “Fine, give it here.” Chanyeol reached for the papers and made a move to use a black marker to erase and correct the word. The marker had ran its course it seemed, because there wasn’t any ink coming out. Chanyeol frustratingly sighed, throwing the papers on the table.

“I, wait, I have a pen here somewhere.” Kyungsoo looked around in her bag when Chanyeol cut her off.

“Don’t bother. I’m gonna fail university anyway. Just like the entrance test. And this time, my mom won’t be able to save me.”

Kyungsoo’s jaw dropped at her words. “What are you saying? Of course that’s not going to happen! You’ll make it.”

Chanyeol’s body slumped and she raised her voice. “Stop feeding me lies, Kyungsoo. I’m done for and I know it.”

“The fuck? I’m not lying!” Kyungsoo said defensively. She couldn’t believe the things that came out of Chanyeol’s mouth. She calmed down, counting one to ten inside her head.

“Oh yeah. What am I saying? You can’t lie,” Chanyeol chuckled, but there was no joy in it. “’I love you too, Jongin.’ , ‘Jongin, I’m just going to Chanyeol’s to help her study.’ , ‘Jongin, I fell down the stairs that’s why there are bruises on my neck’.”

Her fists clenched, voice cracking. “How dare you? I did those all for us! For you! Are you listening to yourself?!” Tears were threatening to spill out of Kyungsoo’s eyes but she didn’t let them. She couldn’t. She wasn’t weak. Although Chanyeol made her feel small all the time. She didn’t get it. She forgave Chanyeol for standing her up earlier. Forgave her for all the time she didn’t give Kyungsoo. Why was she acting like this now?

Chanyeol wasn’t even staring at her anymore. The girl had taken an interest on the wooden floor of Kyungsoo’s bedroom, refusing to reply. “I’m sorry…” she spoke minutes later. “It’s… I’m just not feeling right these days.”

Kyungsoo finally did hug Chanyeol after that. “Don’t let the pressure get to you. Don’t call yourself a failure. We’ll all graduate together. With Jongin as our friend and you as my girlfriend.” Kyungsoo wished that would happen soon. She wanted it all to be over.

Chanyeol had no reply to that, though.

“Speaking of Jongin,” Kyungsoo tried to open up an entirely different topic. “He’s late.”

“Oh yeah that…” Chanyeol’s voice still sounded dejected. “I made him buy a beer or two. Y’know, not letting the pressure get into you?” She cracked a smile after and Kyungsoo was finally able to breathe.

“Still. He’s really late. I should call.” Kyungsoo stood up and went over the window, watching cars pass by down the road. None of them were Jongin. Jongin would be using his bicycle, though. The boy had something against cars. Maybe he was a low key environmentalist.

It rang until there was a female voice from the other line, saying the call couldn’t be reached. Kyungsoo tried again, the results were the same. “He’s not answering,” she said over her shoulder.

“That’s weird.”

“It is.” This was the first time for Jongin not to answer her call on the first few rings. Maybe he was still at home. Kyungsoo went through her contacts and called the Kim’s phone number.

She was about to give up on the seventh ring when someone answered. Her eyebrows furrowed when she heard the voice on the other end muffled. “Hello? This is Kyungsoo?”

“Kyungsoo!” She immediately recognized it to be the voice of Jongin’s sister. “God, I was about to call you! Jongin, it’s Jongin! He was in an accident! He’s in the hospital. Oh god, Kyungsoo, I’m going there right now.”

The call ended shortly after, with Kyungsoo standing there in shock. Her phone dropped from her hands, that’s when she felt her body shaking. Jongin… Jongin… he was supposed to be there.

The sound made Chanyeol turn. “Hey. What is it?”

“I-i-it’s Jongin,” Kyungsoo managed to speak.

“Oh good. Where is he now?”

“At the hospital.”

 

—————————————

Kyungsoo found Jongin’s sister, Hyein, on the third floor, where the nurse had directed them towards. His sister quickly hugged the both of them, sobbing once more.

“What happened?” Kyungsoo was thankful Chanyeol could speak up for the both of them. She could hardly pronounce any words at that moment. The shock still hadn’t left her.

It also hurt seeing Hyein so broken, too, when she was always smiling like her brother. “The police called me when they saw Jongin’s ID. He… he was… the police said it was a hit and run. They just found him there all bloodied. Oh god.” Chanyeol hugged Hyein again, then made her sit on one of the chairs on the hallway. “I already called our parents. They can’t even make it.”

Kyungsoo thought about Jongin’s parents. They were both in the U.S.A, working time-consuming jobs. Kyungsoo never saw them at all, except for the family portraits at Jongin’s bedroom. Jongin rarely spoke about them, too. She couldn’t blame him if he held a grudge. It was only Hyein who raised him and fed him all those years. His other sister, whom Kyungsoo didn’t know the name of, ran off when Jongin was only five. He had never seen her ever again.

“And? What’s the state he’s in right now?”

Kyungsoo didn’t want to hear it. No. Jongin… all she ever wanted to hear was his laugh.

Hyein was saved from an answering by a man who introduced himself as the attending physician. “Which one of you is related to Kim Jongin?”

Hyein pointed to herself. “Please, doc. Is he alright?”

Kyungsoo could feel a stab in the back when the doctor didn’t answer. But of course he had to. “He was in a very critical state. Good thing he was brought here quickly and now we’re working on getting him into surgery. The cuts on his back are really serious. Glass pierced through his skin and his spinal cord is damaged.”

Kyungsoo’s sharp intake of breath was louder than the cry of Jongin’s sister. _He’s alive!_

The doctor continued. “Jongin has induced injuries in his thoracic region—that’s the area and organs around the chest and spine. We looked into his myelogram—it’s a special X-ray—and found that he may not be able to walk again.”

Chanyeol’s eyes widened at this. “No.” She looked down and Kyungsoo saw her tears.

No.

“Jongin won’t be able to use his lower body due to the impairment of his motor and sensory functions. He will need to use a wheelchair and visit a physiotherapist. I’m sorry.”

Kyungsoo still felt so empty after the doctor had left. She felt nothing when Hyein hugged her and told her it was going to be alright. She did not feel a thing when Chanyeol looked at her over Hyein’s shoulder, tears streaming down her pretty little face.

“He’s alright. He’s gonna be alright,” she croaked out, more to herself than anything.

Kyungsoo waited the whole night.

 

—————————————

 

And waited.

 

—————————————

 

Hyein had slept in her lap. Kyungsoo wasn’t even aware of what time it was. She refused to look at the clock on the wall as well. All she wanted was time to stop. Then someone to tell her it was all a dream. But the only person who talked to her next was Chanyeol.

“Hey… my mom’s looking for me. I forgot to tell her about what happened to Jongin.”

“Doubt that she’ll care though,” Kyungsoo bitterly replied.

“Text me when he’s awake.” Chanyeol dropped down and kissed Kyungsoo’s cheek. Kyungsoo watched her go and disappear around the corner.

_Horrible. How could you do this? When the man who loves you almost died?_

_Horrible. I’m horrible._

 

—————————————

 

Kyungsoo deleted the messages from her groupmates about not attending school and helping on their project.

“You should eat.” She took the cup of coffee from Hyein.

It was only then that she realized it was morning.

Maybe even afternoon.

—————————————

 

Was it morning or evening when the doctor finally announced that Jongin’s surgery was a success? Hyein had been happy, already asking if she could see him. The doctor told her to wait a few more hours, until he’s awake. Kyungsoo felt happiness boiling inside her empty stomach. The last meal she had eaten was a few hours ago, when Hyein had forced her to eat at a shop nearby the hospital. She didn’t want to leave Jongin but his sister wasn’t having it. _Fuck I must stink too. I don’t want to talk to Jongin with bad breath._

So she went home. She showered and cleaned herself, even made herself look prettier than usual.

_He’ll like it. He’ll be happy. He should be happy. I want him to._

Kyungsoo immediately went to the hospital right after, but there was no sight of Hyein to be found in the hallway. Could it be? Kyungsoo rushed past the EMTs and nurses, but not before asking one which room he was in. Kyungsoo opened the door, and was shocked to find Hyein and Chanyeol already inside.

“Chanyeol?” she asked, almost with a tone of astonishment.

“Hey.” Chanyeol gave her a sleazy smile.

But she wasn’t looking at Chanyeol. Kyungsoo locked eyes with the boy behind her, and he waved. “Hey.”

“Hey yourself.” Kyungsoo felt her eyes were on the verge of tears. “Your finally awake.”

“Thanks heavens I am. If not, how would I be able to see this pretty face?” He even caressed her cheek. She felt like dying.

Hyein was all smiles when she said, “Chanyeol? Why don’t we leave these two alone for themselves hmm?”

Chanyeol only nodded and was about to leave when Kyungsoo said, “Hey, wait.”

But Chanyeol ignored her and just closed the door behind them. She paid it no heed. Chanyeol was probably just done talking to Jongin. It was her time now. “I missed you,” Kyungsoo said, kissing his cheek. Although that was a bit hypocritical since she was just spending time with Chanyeol only days ago.

She didn’t want to think about Chanyeol at a time like this, though.

“I missed you more. I thought I was gonna die.” Jongin passed it off with a laugh. Kyungsoo’s eyes met with the cast on his legs, which were suspended. “When I saw that car… you were the last thing that was on my mind. I didn’t want to die.”

And that’s when Kyungsoo broke down. She cried like a baby but she didn’t care. Jongin was so sweet and so kind. Why was she so stupid? “Jongin, I—“

“—And when I saw that you weren’t there beside me when I woke up, I felt like dying all over again.”

“I’m here,” she sniffed. “I’m here.”

“You are and I’m thankful for that.” He reached behind her head and brought her closer for a kiss on the forehead.

—————————————

 

“Kyungsoo?”

“Oh, hey. Did you go home already?”

“Yeah. I’d go there tomorrow. You, though, need to attend your classes. Aren’t some of your final exams coming this week?”

“Maybe after Jongin gets out of the hospital.”

“…”

“You still there?”

“I miss you.”

“We’ll… spend time soon.”

“Are you sure?”

No. She wasn’t sure about anything concerning Chanyeol right now. “Yeah. After Jongin gets out of the hospital. He needs me, Chanyeol.”

 

—————————————

She didn’t know how Jongin could simply smile when he saw the wheelchair he was going to use for the first time. Kyungsoo wouldn’t feel happy at all if she were to be bound by that chair for a lifetime. But she was thankful that Jongin was smiling everyday, living up to his optimist nature.

It had been weeks until Jongin was discharged from the hospital. Hyein had been the one to arrange his treatment schedules. Paraplegia, it seemed, was really a bitch. Jongin couldn’t get up without help. Jongin couldn’t pee without help. Jongin couldn’t walk. She knew that deep inside, behind those smiles he was always sporting, he was really in pain.

Kyungsoo, with Jongin’s persuasion and Chanyeol’s never-ending text messages, did do her final exams. She passed her projects too, although some were a bit later than the deadline.

Chanyeol visited sometimes, too. Jongin was more than happier to have her as a visitor. They’d talk for hours about video games and all the nerdy stuff they always bonded over.

“I’m home!” Jongin shouted, pushing his wheelchair himself. His bedroom had been transferred to the first floor for easier access. His dogs welcomed him, climbing up his paralyzed legs and licking him all over. Jongin was laughing, the sound making Kyungsoo grin.

“They missed their master,” she commented. Her phone rang in her pocket. She excused herself when she saw that it was her father. Kyungsoo remembered telling him about the accident. “Hey, dad.”

“Kyungsoo, is he alright?”

“Yeah, he’s been discharged,” she answered. “How about you, dad?”

“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. I’ve heard from an anonymous source that you haven’t been getting sleep and not attending your classes.”

She rolled her eyes at that. “Chanyeol also needs to tell you that I’ve attended all my final exams. They all went well. And don’t worry about me, I’m just taking care of my boyfriend.”

“I’ll be worried about you all I want, young lady. Get some sleep. Not beside him.”

Kyungsoo turned red at that. “Ew, dad. Alright I gotta get back to him. Love you.”

“Love you too, honey.”

Jongin was waiting for her when she entered his room, looking at the pictures on his desk. His eyes were fixed on her framed picture.

“I look ugly there,” she eyed the thing with distaste.

“You never were.”

Kyungsoo wanted to kick his feet for that but stopped herself before she did. “Feeling okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” His head tilted to the right. “When I have the best girlfriend in the world taking care of me?”

Best girlfriend was a bit too much. Especially when that particular girlfriend was cheating on you behind your back. Speaking of Chanyeol, Kyungsoo should really read the messages from her. She’d forgotten she had a life when Jongin almost lost his. The girl rarely visited, the stress of her school works killing her to no end. Chanyeol had to take make-up classes because she failed some of them. Jongin had been nice and understanding all about it, but you just need to take one look at his face to know that it hurt and he missed her really badly. 

If Kyungsoo were to be honest, she was a bit thankful for it. It had given her a lot of time. Time to think and reevaluate their relationship, anyway. _I miss her. But I don’t need her right now_ , she always tried to tell herself. 

Sometimes Kyungsoo found herself clutching her phone in her hands, about to go on speed dial. Chanyeol was always second to none. But she would stop herself. _Stop it. It’s wrong._ So she didn’t call for the next few weeks. Months. 

It’s not like Chanyeol ever did, either. 

“You need to go talk to her,” Sehun said over a cup of coffee, pausing to look up from her phone. “If you’ve really decided to break things off at least do it in person.” 

Break things off? That’s… a bit too much. “I… I just want…”

Sehun interrupted her. “I told you you can choose only one. So make up your mind.” To completely change the conversation topic, she brought out a cd from her handbag. In an instant, Kyungsoo realized the person’s face imprinted on the cover. “Can’t be arsed to actually wrap this up. Where is he? Don’t tell me he’s planning on falling asleep the whole day for his birthday just like—”

Kyungsoo coughed. “He’s in his room.” She heard Jongin’s excitement upon seeing Sehun all the way from the living room, more so when Sehun presented him Kim Junhee’s latest solo album. Kyungsoo wondered if she could ever feel just as happy when she chooses Jongin. She supposed she could try. 

“A solo! I can’t believe it. They finally let her go solo!” Jongin was screaming in delight. 

A beep. 

Her fingers slowly made their way to open the new message. She froze when she saw that it was from Chanyeol; she finally texted. Kyungsoo didn’t know whether to be happy at that.. Her heart gave her the answer.

But it nearly shattered when she saw the words. _Let’s meet up._

 

They met in the same old cafe, tucked in between the busy shops and stalls close to the university. Kyungsoo had at least made an effort to look tolerable today. Her hands were sweating. Why was she getting all so worked up about it? Maybe Chanyeol just wanted to talk about Jongin’s condition, to keep up for the lack of visits she paid him. But she could have just went straight to Jongin’s right?

_She misses me._

Kyungsoo waited, eyeing the wrapped up cake in front of her. It was Chanyeol’s favorite flavor. She thought that she could at least offer some sort of compensation for not talking to her… friend.Chanyeol appeared no more than ten minutes later than Kyungsoo did. Kyungsoo inwardly told herself that she should really get used to Chanyeol looking like a mess these days. That there was one time back then when she found the girl effortlessly beautiful no matter what she did. 

“Chanyeol. Can we make this fast? I told Jongin I was just going back home to check some things for a short time.” That’s when she noticed the heavy, dead eyes. The same eyes that had looked at her lovingly back then. They were not the same. “Are… you okay?” Kyungsoo asked, all the worry clear in her voice. 

Okay was the last thing Chanyeol looked like right now. “That’s the thing, Soo. I’m not.” 

She should have guessed. “It’s school, right? Look, don’t worry. It’ll all be over soon.” She wished this conversation would be, too. She already felt so guilty coming here in the first place. 

Chanyeol looked at her stupidly. That look again. She could almost say she had missed it. She reached for Kyungsoo’s hand, and Kyungsoo jumped back, almost wanting to take her hand back. _Someone could see us._ “We’re falling apart, Soo. I’m sure you’ve noticed. I want to say this is all my fault but… you haven’t made an effort at all. I know Jongin needs you but... it’s making me feel insecure. Am I burden to you?”

Chanyeol’s croaked voice made her feel uncomfortable. It was breaking to hear. “Chanyeol, it’s not that.”

“Am I not enough for you?”

“Chanyeol, stop.”

“Don’t you love me anymore?” 

“I said stop!” Kyungsoo stood up so suddenly the table shook. Her eyes were brimmed with tears, wondering how such words could ever come out of Chanyeol’s mouth. “You hurt me, Chanyeol. How dare you say those selfish things when Jongin almost died!” Everyone was probably staring at the scene she was making but she did not care. She needed to get the point across to Chanyeol. “You already said it. He needs me.” 

Chanyeol just stared at her in shock, as if each word sliced through her skin. “I really need you too right now, Kyungsoo.” 

Kyungsoo just shook her head disbelievingly, grabbing both her bag and cake in a haste. “Let’s not see each other again if you’re like this.”

Almost everyone she had passed was staring at her, but her vision blurred once she got out of the shop, without another word. Not even bothering to wipe her tears, she ran as fast as she could, clutching the cake to her chest. When she turned around at the corner and into an empty alley, she finally let it all out. She wailed like a baby. More passersby looked in her direction. 

“Chanyeol… you’re so stupid… I’m stupid…” Had she even made the right decision? It was never good to make decisions when angry, she knew. But the pressure of having to take care of Jongin to right her wrongs… the guilt was killing her and Chanyeol didn’t help matters. 

She went back to Jongin’s after making sure her face didn’t show any signs of crying. He was waiting for her at the door, listening attentively to the music playing from the speaker. The voice singing was breathy, and it helped relaxed Kyungsoo somehow. She still wasn’t over the whole ordeal of finally breaking things off with Chanyeol. “Hey,” she greeted, presenting him the cake. “Look what I got you.”

Jongin’s face lightened up and that’s it. That should be the one that’ll cheer her up, right? “Storebought?”

“Hey, don’t complain.” She snatched it up from Jongin’s clutches and pushed his wheelchair forward to the coffee table. “Your slave has been cooking for you since the day you got home,” Kyungsoo argued as she settled the candles, indicating that Jongin was 19. He was too young to die. 

Stop it. He’s alive.

Jongin observed the cake. “Hey. Chanyeol would love this cake. It’s her favorite!” The name made Kyungsoo stop and Jongin searching for his phone in his pockets. “I should probably call her. She hasn’t greeted me at all—”

“—You-probably shouldn’t,” Kyungsoo said all too quickly. “She’s uh, really busy with school y’know? Let’s give her time. She’ll come around.”

Jongin looked forlorn over her reply but his signature smile appeared the next instant. “You’re right. She’s probably still deciding what over-the-top gift to buy me, too. That rich fuck.” 

Kyungsoo could only absentmindedly nod. 

When all the candles were lit, Jogin requested Kyungsoo sing him happy birthday. She did, quite embarrassed because she didn’t have any idea why Jongin was so obsessed with her voice. Jongin closed his eyes, maybe making a wish. He blew the candles not long after, and the sight finally made Kyungsoo genuinely smile. He was a good guy. He needed to be treated right. 

 

Jongin wished he could go back to school. 

So Kyungsoo prepared and registered them for the upcoming fall semester. September was fast approaching, and Kyungsoo desired that the days go faster. She needed to see what had become of Chanyeol, to see how she was holding up. Did she pass her summer make-up classes? 

All eyes were on Kyungsoo and Jongin for the first day. Sure, it couldn’t be helped but this shouldn’t be much of a shocker since Jongin’s hit-and-run was actually shown in the news. Jongin didn’t look like he minded at all, though. His thoughts shared the same space with Kyungsoo apparently. “Where the fuck is Chanyeol? I’ve been calling and texting her nonstop and she hasn’t even replied at least once.”

Kyungsoo didn’t have an excuse for that, so she stayed silent, pushing Jongin’s wheelchair to make sure he got to his first class. With a quick kiss on the cheek, she left him to go to her own. On her way she bumped into Jongdae, with an unusual amount of books in his hands for the first day. She helped him pick them all up from the floor. “Sehun not on your tail?” 

“Chanyeol not on yours?” He smiled. 

But Kyungsoo didn’t. “Oh, uh. I’m actually looking for her. Have you seen her… lately?”

“I just saw her with Baekhyun this morning.” Kyungsoo’s heartbeat drummed in her chest at the words. “And it’s kind of weird because they were kissing?”

“What?!”

“Well, I guess not really weird since they’re probably together now. It’s weird in a way because Chanyeol looked like…” He took one look at her face and then stared at his wristwatch. “...Oh man, look at the time! I’m gonna be late! Catch you later!”

Kyungsoo was about to ask for more information but then Jongdae was gone before she could utter a word. Not like she could manage to. She stood there for about a minute, frozen with shock. Chanyeol… with Baekhyun? She supposed it wasn’t really impossible but… c’mon, Chanyeol? With Baekhyun? Like, how had she moved on so fast? Did she even love Kyungsoo?

 

Her heart gave out a familiar throb and no, she was not doing this right now. She was done with Chanyeol. Done… but she felt so crushed. Baekhyun was good for Chanyeol, right? They were friends… and honestly she was far more prettier than Kyungsoo could ever be. This wasn’t a loss. They could… still be friends… 

She started to imagine what it would be like if they still were. Chanyeol would have asked her for some love advice, for Baekhyun, and they would go on double dates with Jongin and… why were there tears in her eyes? Tears of joy, that’s what they were.

 

Kyungsoo tried to love Jongin again. 

But the problem was she didn’t know if she ever had. 

All the ‘I love you’s she had told Chanyeol kept echoing inside her head. 

Jongin would wake her up with a morning kiss, which Kyungsoo always returned. But his feelings were another story. 

Godammit, Kyungsoo just wanted to be good. To be fair. To not hurt anyone. Why was it so damn hard? 

Kyungsoo couldn’t shake the feeling off one day, and she reached for the phone, dialing Chanyeol’s number. When someone picked up, she immediately said, “Ch-Chanyeol? It’s me... Kyungsoo.” 

“Wrong number,” said the familiar voice Kyungsoo had been dying to hear. 

That’s what she wished for when she heard her hang up the next second. To just die. 

 

“Still awake?” It was slowly becoming a rarity for Kyungsoo to be at Jongin’s. That’s because Jongin would always be with his therapist, whose sessions Kyungsoo didn’t want to disturb. Tonight, though, Kyungsoo gathered some courage to visit him in his bedroom. She was finally going to tell him the truth. Her hands were all sweaty when she entered and saw Jongin sitting up straight on his bed. 

Monggu was sitting on his lap, with Jongin stroking its fur. “I’ve got a lot on my mind.”

Oh. It’d probably be best if she’d say it now. “Like what?”

Monggu playfully barked at Kyungsoo’s direction and ran towards her, licking her sweaty hands. “I saw Taemin on my way home today. He was dancing on the streets in exchange for some money. Did you know he got kicked out by his parents?”

The name sounded familiar. “Not really.” 

“It’s the first time I actually got sad over the fact that… I don’t have any legs anymore. His moves were graceful and it struck me that—I can never be like that. Ever.”

Kyungsoo knew that Jongin danced, although Jongin always tried to hide it back then. He said he wasn’t very skilled in dancing but Chanyeol had grilled him to show them some. When he finished, he was out of breath and so were they. He was _that_ good. It hadn’t even crossed her mind that it would be one of the casualties.

“I always planned on being a dancer since I was little, even though I used to think that I sucked.” 

“You didn’t suck in the first place.” Kyungsoo let her voice sound cheery in an attempt to lighten his mood up a bit. “I mean, have you seen _me_ dance?” 

Jongin cracked a smile at that. “Everything you do is beautiful, though,” he said, to which Kyungsoo snorted. “Me, however… you really appreciate things more once they’re gone, don’t you?” 

This was it. It was now or never. She _had_ to tell him. Or else she wouldn’t t be able to. 

Jongin was waiting for her to say something, with this vulnerable look on his face. Kyungsoo couldn’t hurt him when he was like this. He was hurt… and Kyungsoo would be damned if she was the one to make it worse. 

Thankfully, Jongin’s sister saved her from replying, knocking on the door. “Jongin? You have a visitor? She’s looking for Kyungsoo, too.” 

Jongin and Kyungsoo exchanged quizzical looks. _Could it be_? “Be down there in a second!” Jongin called, and Kyungsoo helped him up to get him in his wheelchair. Her poor baby. He was just in an accident. How could Kyungsoo ever think this was a good time to confess at all?

They found Baekhyun, seated on one of the living room’s bean bags with a mug to her lips. Kyungsoo’s vision darkened at the sight of her. _What was she doing here?_

Jongin didn’t share the same repulsion when he saw her though, he immediately smiled at her direction. “What is Chanyeol’s girlfriend doing here and not in her bed?” he winked. That was another thing Kyungsoo cringed at. 

Baekhyun studied them with her gaze, then put her cup down. “Storm’s raging outside. Why didn’t you give me a head’s up you were here, Kyungsoo? Though I probably should have known. Good thing your sister was hospitable enough to provide me with this.” She was talking about the mug in her hands, but Kyungsoo wanted to talk about other things. 

“What are you doing here, Baekhyun?” She hoped that didn’t come off bitchy, although it was intended. 

Baekhyun scowled. “At least sit down first.” She flashed a grin to Jongin, though. “Not you too, of course.”

Kyungsoo did what she was told but only because she wanted this to be over with. 

That’s when Baekhyun dropped the big words, as if it was something simple. “Chanyeol left. She’s left Korea.”

“WHAT?!” both of them exclaimed. 

“Y-you’re lying, right? Stop it!” Kyungsoo was trembling in fear and shock. Baekhyun _had_ to be lying. Why would Chanyeol leave? It made no sense. Korea was where Chanyeol lived… Korea was where Chanyeol and Kyungsoo met. How… what?

Baekhyun looked at her with pure irritation in her face. “Why would I lie? Be thankful that I ev—”

She was cut off at the sound of porcelain shattering onto the floor. Baekhyun stood up in shock and looked at Jongin, who’d thrown it. Kyungsoo noticed that he was shaking, and madly too. “That’s bullshit! Why wouldn’t she tell us at all?! We’re her _friends_ for fuck’s sake!” 

Kyungsoo wanted to reach out to him, but her own anger and Jongin’s was making it hard to do so. This was the first time she had he ever seen him like that. There was nothing in his eyes but pure loathing as he stared at Baekhyun. Hyein heard the commotion, running from the kitchen. “What happened?!”

Baekhyun waved her hands dismissively. “I-it’s nothing. Please just leave the three of us. I’m sure they’ll explain later.” Kyungsoo clenched her fist when she saw Baekhyun smile, _how dare she?_ When Hyein reluctantly returned to the kitchen, she continued. “Look. Chanyeol was _forced_ to go abroad to continue her studies, okay?! It was her parents’ decision…” 

It was only then when Kyungsoo noticed that tears were coming right out of her eyes. She found it hard process the words Baekhyun had just said. Chanyeol really… left. Just like that. Without even telling them… telling Kyungsoo. “You were her… _her girlfriend_. Why would you only tell us now?” Why not sooner? Kyungsoo could’ve probably stopped Chanyeol. Talked her parents out of it. Chanyeol _couldn’t_ have left. 

“I was never her girlfriend,” Baekhyun lamented, oddly staring at the floor. “She never treated me like one. I was just… there.” Her eyes grew full with mirth when she looked at Kyungsoo. “And honestly? I wanted the tables turned and have you the one hurting instead.”

It took a great amount of force for Kyungsoo to not get up and slap Baekhyun’s pretty little face. She couldn’t. Not when Jongin was just there. 

He thankfully didn’t address the matter. Jongin was too busy being mad, staring at the distance, red in the face. His forehead veins were showing and it somehow scared Kyungsoo to see him like this. “How the fuck… how the fuck could she not tell us at all? Were we nothing to her?!” 

Kyungsoo glared at Baekhyun through her tears. “Now that you’ve told us, you can go.”

But Baekhyun wasn’t finished, dropping one more bomb to finally finish it all together. “Chanyeol has depression, too. Thought you oughta know.” She stood up and walked towards the door. “Have a nice life knowing you did nothing to help your _friend_.” She was staring at Kyungsoo the whole time she said this. 

Kyungsoo wanted the ground to swallow her whole. Depression. Chanyeol had depression. It was like the same moment she’d heard about Jongin getting in an accident. She felt numb to the core. She didn’t even notice when Jongin shouted for Hyein, asking for her to push him back into his room. He felt it too. 

Baekhyun’s words had hurt. But what they had done was help Kyungsoo finally put the pieces together. The medicine she’d forgotten to research, Chanyeol looking like a mess every time, and when she’d told Kyungsoo that she needed her. Oh god, Kyungsoo had refused her and broken up with her. She was the most stupid person ever. 

Kyungsoo hurried home, her tears soaking on her face along with the rain. She booted up her computer. Chanyeol must have left _something_. Anything, Kyungsoo begged. 

_I’m so sorry, Chanyeol._

Her Skype started up and she was caught unaware, eyes lighting up when she saw the notification for a new message. Kyungsoo was struck dumb when she saw that it was from Chanyeol. 

She had sent a file. _goodbye.jpg_

Kyungsoo’s finger trembled as she clicked the download button. It was sent 14 hours ago, which meant Chanyeol had sent it before… leaving the country. Almost afraid to open it, she stayed for a good five minutes on just staring the filename. When she finally opened the picture, she was met with what looked like the airport in daytime and it had Chanyeol’s legs at the bottom. A final memoir of one of the things Kyungsoo loved the most. 

Kyungsoo wondered if Chanyeol was this hurt at the coffee shop that day. 

Kyungsoo’s hands moved on their own as she flooded their whole chatbox. 

me _i fucking i hate you_ 22:15  
_where are you_  
please  
chanyeol please  
come back  
me _i love you_ 22:16  
_i’m sosososo sorry_

 

She didn’t stop, not until her head fell onto the keyboard, sleep overtaking her. 

 

 

Kyungsoo did this every other day. She didn’t even have time to study anymore. Once she got home, she’d be on the computer, endlessly asking for Chanyeol to come back, showering her with sweet messages. The messages would always start with her begging, then after a few hours she’d tell her about her day, saying how each day wasn’t complete without her, then turning into sad little pleas. She never mentioned Jongin’s name. 

Every single day, Kyungsoo always expected a reply. Everyday, she’d be met with disappointment and heartbreak all over again because Chanyeol never did. 

 

me _where are you now Chanyeol?_ 16:10  
_me? don’t worry about me. I’m not going anywhere.  
So whenever you come back, you’ll still find me at the same spot. _

 

me _I went to your house today._ 20.13  
_The sign said it was for sale._  
I laughed it off as a joke.  
I know you’ll come back. Someday. And I’ll be there to greet you. 

 

me _Your sister is a very successful news reporter now._ 18.07  
_Do you watch her? You guys look alike._  
I almost fooled myself into thinking that she was you  
Chanyeol I’m dying to see your face

 

me _Chanyeol please be strong._ 01.10  
_Because I’m not. I’m weak. I can’t tell him._

 

me _It’s the first birthday that I haven’t spent with you._ 02.36  
_I may not say it but I miss your luxurious gifts._  
I found collars in Sehun’s bag when she passed out drunk.   
me _That’s weird because she doesn’t have a pet._ 02.37  
_I’m probably missing something here.  
It’s you. _

 

me _I failed my exam._ 00.13  
_Sing me a lullaby Chanyeol.  
I want to go into an endless sleep. _

 

me _Can you believe Sehun and Jongdae are in a relationship?_ 17.23  
_What the fuck._  
The collar thing was.. yeah.   
me _I learned it the hard way._ 17.24  
_Sehun whimpering is a nightmare.  
I miss you. _

 

me _Happy birthday! I prepared a cake._ 01.33  
_It’s not burnt like last year’s dont worry._  
It’s sitting in the fridge now.  
You’ll regret not ever tasting it!

 

me _There’s just some nights_ 23.47  
_When I think of you_  
And I can’t help  
But cry  
me _Do you see what you’re doing to me?_ 23.49  
me _I’ve probably done you worse…_ 23.51  
me _I’m so sorry_ 23.55

 

me _Do you even think about me?_ 12.51

 

me _Baekhyun’s dating Zitao. I don’t know what to say._ 22.17  
_I remember her saying from three years ago that she never felt like your girlfriend._  
The same day you left.   
me _I can’t believe she’s in a relationship and happy at the same time._ 22.19  
_I can’t believe I’m envious of her again._

 

me _I’m sorry for this but I’m so angry._ 13.59  
_Just when he’s_  
He has the potential to walk again  
But he’s throwing it away  
me _I’m mad_ 14.03  
_I want to be free of this_

 

me _My dad told me to get off the computer to study. Graduation’s near._ 18.01  
_What does he know_

 

me _A job. A job right out of college. This is the DREAM CHANYEOL._ 11.57  
_I’ve never felt so happy._  
Aish… looking at this makes me sad all over again though.  
Come home already. 

 

me _I saw Yura today and asked about you._ 19.38  
_She just stared at me with disgust. Why??? I’m not that ugly_  
Does she not remember me?  
She must think I’m one of her crazed fans. 

 

me _Hey_ 08.04  
me _hey_ 17.29  
me _hi_ 23.41

 

me _I think I just saw your name? But it was gone in an instant._ 21.39

 

me _hi_ 09.00

me _Some of my co-workers are just plain creepy._ 22.21  
_I knew I shouldn’t have taken this call center job.  
Now instead of sending you good mornings I can only send you good nights. _

 

me _Chanyeol I’m tired._ 23.59

 

 

“Here. I had to fight with some crazy old lady who wanted this one last copy. What’s so special about it that it sells out so fast?” Sehun tossed a magazine on Kyungsoo’s lap, making the latter’s nerves jump. She hadn’t noticed Sehun entering her room at all. 

Eyes sagging, Kyungsoo drew in a long breath and let it hiss out slowly. “This is the second time in a week you’ve been home early. I think I’m going to have a heart to heart talk with Jongdae about this ‘job’ you have.” 

Sehun flipped her pastel-colored hair at that with a harrumph. “Okay but is this what you do with your friends who fight batshit hags so they can get you that one magazine you’re so obsessed with?” Sehun studied her face for a good minute before continuing, “Talking about jobs… you look like a wreck.”

Kyungsoo rolled her eyes as another headache was settling inside her head. “I’m fine. It pays well.” No, she wasn’t. The job was really taking a toll on her health and her sleeping schedule was all kinds of fucked up. But it was still a job. “You, though, need to get one. Are you seriously just going let the intern thing hang over you for the rest of your life?”

Sehun’s voice was thick with annoyance. “Those were bad times, alright. Can you just flick through the goddamn magazine so your mood lightens up a little?” 

Kyungsoo had almost forgotten about it lying on her lap. All her fatigue and exhaustion in her vanished as she saw the person on the front cover—her favorite person. She was wearing a fur coat, her face pouting a little. Her eyes were what did it for her. They brought back a feeling of nostalgia. It was an expression she was all too familiar with. 

The other pages of the magazine were filled with other models, but Kyungsoo flipped through them in order to get to who she wanted. As always, her face was amazing. _She_ was amazing, always was. Enamored, Kyungsoo sat back and went through the pages again.

To Kyungsoo, she had always been 박찬열. But it wasn’t written like that here. It was _Park Chanyeol_ who the world was familiar with: the new fast-rising Korean supermodel from the UK. Kyungsoo hoped _that_ Park Chanyeol was still the Park Chanyeol she was familiar with. Although Kyungsoo knew that it was wishful thinking. 

Chanyeol’s rise to stardom had been no joke. She’d started appearing _everywhere_ after being a stand-in model for someone else once. The people of the world loved her and her body. It wasn’t fair when Kyungsoo had fallen the same way and she _was_ first. 

“Ugh, stop being sad,” Sehun complained over her mellow face. “How do I show you my surprise if you’re being like that?” 

Kyungsoo took her eyes away from the magazine for the first time. “What surprise?”

Sehun smirked at her obvious eagerness and reached for her pockets. “Early birthday gift for you, loser.” Her hands brought out what looked like two tickets, waving them in the air for Kyungsoo’s eyes to feast on. “A little birdie a.k.a Jongdae, not literally, though,” she winked and Kyungsoo’s eyes narrowed with disgust. “...was given these tickets by a female co-worker. Now, I’ll have to deal with said co-worker myself later on. First, what do you think of seeing Chanyeol with your own eyes right here in Korea?” 

Kyungsoo almost choked on air at that. “What?” She was at loss for words. Chanyeol was here? Chanyeol was back?

“Now, now, before your panties fall off, you have to know that Chanyeol’s schedule is packed. This is basically the only time she’ll ever be in Korea for a long time. Something about her flight being already there the next morning, I don’t know… all those details were fuzzy when Jongdae told me.” 

But Kyungsoo didn’t care about that all. Chanyeol was going to be here. Here. They were going to breathe the same air for the first time in four years. She felt like dying right then, from happiness. Kyungsoo was on the verge of tears by the time she stood up to hug Sehun as tightly as she could. “Thank you so much, I-”

Sehun heartily laughed. “Don’t thank me. Thank that girl’s brave attempt on seducing my man. At least Jongdae had the benefit of it. I don’t need to work when his high-end job could get me a thousand jobs in an instant.”

Kyungsoo let her do her bragging rights, all the while still feeling the rush of excitement inside her. Oh god, was Chanyeol really as pretty now as she was in the pages of the magazines stacked inside Kyungsoo’s bedroom? At least Chanyeol was still Chanyeol… she was proud of the girl not letting the depression get to her… at least that’s what she thought. Kyungsoo wanted to badly know how she was doing. Just a nice talk over a cup of coffee. Or maybe a makeout or two.

Her heart raced at her own thoughts. The feelings were still there. After all these years. 

“Take a break off work with Jongin.” The tickets were on the table in an instant. “He misses her, too. I’m sure he’ll be happy to hear the news.” 

Kyungsoo nodded. Jongin was working in a bookshop and sometimes volunteered for the pet store downtown. He was taking things with ease, not bothering to look for a serious job after he got out of college. Kyungsoo was fine with it, as long as he was. His face was always so happy whenever Kyungsoo visited him in the pet store, seated in his wheelchair while managing to feed some of the cats. The manager was all too happy to have him there as an employee, because no one could cheer up the other co-workers as much as he did, and he genuinely looked really happy to be with the animals. 

When Jongin was not at work, he was with his physiotherapist. There have been improvements to his well-being. But the legs-not-being-able-to-move-thing still remained. Kyungsoo didn’t know what to feel whenever she saw him trying to pet his dogs with a smile, while his lower body couldn’t even move. 

They were still together. But what had been there was gone, replaced by the need to just take care of one another. She didn’t even know why Jongin wouldn’t just break things off with her. They didn’t celebrate their anniversaries anymore, their dates took a nosedive in number and the kisses they gave each other were quick and almost meaningless. 

Kyungsoo was honestly okay with all of this, if not relieved. Her hands that were chained with guilt were finally letting her go, albeit slowly.

She still couldn’t find it in her heart to be the one to break up with him. She didn’t want to break an already broken man. 

By the time Jongin had gotten home from his volunteering hours, Kyungsoo was on the phone again. Her eyes had been focused on the Skype chat that she had last visited 6 months ago. 

“Hey,” Kyungsoo smiled at him, a first for so many months. “Guess who’s coming back?”

Sehun was right as always, Jongin was happy as a puppy and if he could jump up and down, he would’ve. 

Chanyeol. Park Chanyeol. 

She was finally going to see her in living flesh. 

_Will she recognize me?_

_Will she say hi and smile?_

_Or will she look at me with disgust just like her sister did and turn her back on me?_

 

 

Alas, the day came and Kyungsoo couldn’t have been anymore excited. Her boss had been very generous to give her the day off when she told him that she needed it. But of course if Chanyeol _did_ see her in the crowd (more wishful thinking) she had to look good, not with these set of heavyweight dead eyes that could give Zitao a run for his money. 

The tickets Sehun had given them were VIP, and Kyungsoo was really thankful that she had befriended Sehun and that she was fucking Jongdae. 

Her hands were all sweaty as she pushed Jongin through a crowd to get to their seats. Jongin looked dashing, although he always did. They made their way to their assigned places, with Kyungsoo helping Jongin up from his wheelchair. They had a great view, the middle of the stage set up entirely in front of them. Kyungsoo’s smile hadn’t faded at least once today. 

The show started with a few models who Kyungsoo honestly couldn’t care less about. Fashion shows had since the start had looked hideous to her. Jongin looked like he was enjoying it, though, assessing the clothes and saying stuff like “That’s bad,” “What the fuck is that supposed to be?” and “Those shoes do _not_ go well with that dress.” 

After half an hour Kyungsoo’s patience was giving up on her when the MC introduced another set for the spring collection. Models started walking out onto the catwalk and Kyungsoo’s blurry vision quickly adjusted when she spotted the one next in line.

Jongin gasped and all the breath was taken away from Kyungsoo when Chanyeol finally made her way to the stage. The crowd cheered loudly for her, but even those couldn’t silence the loud beating from Kyungsoo’s chest. She sported a nude dress, corseted at the top and bulbous around her upper thighs, showcasing her long legs. It should have been hideous, with the ugly shape and the bizarre texture, like glass in bathroom windows, or snowflakes, but Chanyeol somehow made it work. She looked radiant. Her hair was pulled up on top of her head, looking artfully messy, tendrils escaping down her back. It didn’t distract from the dress but was also attractive. 

Kyungsoo felt faint. This was the moment she was waiting for. Chanyeol was so close, yet so far. 

Time seemed to have stopped for Kyungsoo when Chanyeol posed, the light hitting her striking face, glistening her darkened cheekbones and thick eyeliner. And those lips. Kyungsoo would gladly do anything for them to be on hers right now. 

“She’s beautiful,” Jongin spoke beside her and Kyungsoo couldn’t agree more. 

“Yes,” Kyungsoo breathed, losing the ability to take her eyes away from Chanyeol’s legs. The last time she had seen them were in a picture over Skype. 

“And you love her.”

“What?” At that, Kyungsoo managed to tear her eyes away to look at Jongin, who was just smiling sadly at her. Had she heard those words correctly? 

Jongin looked at Chanyeol again, the same smile on his face. His hands were trembling when he casually pushed his hair back, saying, “I’ve known for a while. For a long time, actually.” 

Kyungsoo willed her eyes to look on Jongin’s even though they strained to turn away. The audience clapped and cheered once again but she felt that there were only two of them in the room. Kyungsoo was petrified. _He knew._

“Can you accompany me outside, Kyungsoo?” he asked, ever so calmly. 

The cold wind hit her face as soon as she and Jongin were outside. Kyungsoo felt dark as opposed to the bright streetlights. Jongin’s voice quivered when he said, “You’re wondering how I knew.” 

Of course she was. She couldn’t even bring herself to deny it. Why would she even do that? 

“It’s not detective’s work. That time on the beach… and the smiles you were giving her… you never gave those to me. I wasn’t just a cripple, Kyungsoo, but I chose to be a blind man.” Jongin’s voice broke, turning into an ugly sob. That was what broke Kyungsoo inside all the more. Jongin never cried and he was now, all because of Kyungsoo. “When Baekhyun told us all those years ago that Chanyeol left… I saw it in your face. I even thought that now she was gone that maybe you’d…” he stopped to wipe his eyes, but the tears returned as if they never left. “...maybe, you’d finally have the time to turn your affections towards me now. But it got worse. Why?”

They were both crying by the time he was finished talking. The thing was Kyungsoo couldn’t bring herself to reply. Jongin had been yearning for her love, yet she hadn’t been able to give it. 

Jongin sniffed, looking at the stars, at everywhere but Kyungsoo. “I’ve failed my dream of becoming a dancer but I guess that’s not the only the dream that I have lost.” He put his hands on the wheels of his chair and pushed, weakly, just to get away from her. He pulled out his phone, and with a voice still fresh from crying he ordered for a taxi. “Thank you for all this time, Kyungsoo.”

“Jongin—” she tried to speak. 

“—Go. Before she runs away again and makes this my biggest regret.”

Weak in the knees, she waddled over to his side and planted one last kiss to Jongin’s lips. It was salty, mixed with their tears and goodbyes. She was thankful that he had finally set her free. Though it could have been done sooner and fewer feelings would have been hurt. 

She didn’t go like he told her to, though. She waited till the taxi cab arrived, refusing to leave his side ‘til she knew he got away safely. Kyungsoo wanted to wipe the tears from his face so badly. Jongin looked best when he was smiling. Kyungsoo just wished that would come again soon. 

Jongin nodded when he closed the cab door, and that was the last she had ever seen of him. 

Kyungsoo ran back into the show, feeling the adrenaline rush inside of her. But the people were milling about in the exit, which made Kyungsoo furrow her brows. The show was over? Fuck. She sneaked past the guard on the door, who was too busy looking at the people at the exit to notice. Time running out, her feet led her to an empty place. Only those who looked like maintenance were still around. 

_No. No this is not happening._ Kyungsoo went as far as to go backstage, hoping that somehow Chanyeol would be there. Waiting for her. Just like how Kyungsoo had for the past four years.

But she wasn’t. A man with blond hair and clear blue eyes was cleaning the place up. He took one look at Kyungsoo, decided that she wasn’t of importance, and went back to doing his job. 

Kyungsoo’s English wasn’t perfect but this was no time to lament on that. “E-excuse me?” The man paused from his work. “Did… Did you see P-Park Chanyeol? Her name is Park. Park Chanyeol. The model with…” Kyungsoo made a bulb motion with her hands. “...like that?”

He shrugged. “You can check. She probably has left.”

Kyungsoo tsked in irritation and went past him, glancing left and right for any sign of her. Her tracks came to a stop when she spotted a familiar-looking bag atop a vanity mirror desk. Kyungsoo tried to re-swallow her stomach as she reconsidered the object right in front of her. It… looked like… what Kyungsoo had given Chanyeol for her 15th birthday. 

Hands shaking, she picked the bag up, examining it. It was the same cheap brand and it wasn’t even that great. Why would supermodel Park Chanyeol wear this thing around when she could have much more? It made no sense. But if this was really Chanyeol’s… Kyungsoo turned deep red at the thought. _I’m so high school._

It was only then when she noticed that under the bag was a phone. How convenient. That confirmed her suspicions that these were Chanyeol’s. Her phone had the classic keychain with her name on it. 

Kyungsoo stopped. _Should I really do this though?_ Well of course she had to, this might be the key to get to where Chanyeol was. 

The lock screen was a picture of Chanyeol during one of her photoshoots. But of course. Why was Kyungsoo not surprised? She slid the lock screen and was about to curse Chanyeol for not having a lock when her own face looked back at her. It wasn’t really looking at her but somewhere off the distance and Kyungsoo felt a wave of nostalgia hitting her. It was that time on the beach, Chanyeol’s birthday… where Chanyeol had taken a candid picture of her staring at the waves. 

Her breathing came in short, irregular gasps when she realized that this must mean that Chanyeol still had feelings for her. Was she dreaming? She was Chanyeol’s wallpaper. For Kyungsoo it was as if she was more valued than any diamond in the world.

Nothing could stop her when her fingers pressed over the gallery. It had numerous albums and she didn’t know where to start, one of which had caught her eye instantly, though. It was entitled “Still You”. Curious, she opened the first one. 

It was a video, a self cam of Chanyeol, lying on her bed. For the first few seconds she did nothing but cute poses which made Kyungsoo squeak. She really missed her voice, she realized as soon as Chanyeol started talking. “Kyungsoo, I’m in London now. It’s so cold here and it always rains. When are you going to come here and give me a hug? We could also cuddle. That shit’s nice. I miss you.” Then it stopped. 

Chanyeol had wanted Kyungsoo to give her a hug. _Chanyeol had missed her._ It took great force for Kyungsoo to not just lie there and think about her life. She hurriedly went on to the next video. This one had different lighting and background, but it was still Chanyeol. “I’m in a hotel in Tokyo right now. I got recruited to be a model, Kyungsoo! I know you’d probably roll your eyes at me, hehe. But one day, everyone will get to know my name and you’d be jealous! But don’t worry I’m always yours. I miss you.” _Click._

“France? Wow. Everyone’s so good looking. Ya, Kyungsoo, don’t you want to go to one of those boring art museums? Well I’m going there right now. Too bad you’re not here. I miss you.” _Click._

“I’m back in London. My schedule is packed. What do you think about my new hair? You have to love it of course. I miss you.” _Click._

At least fifteen videos were like that. All of Chanyeol’s messages were to Kyungsoo, each in a different country. Kyungsoo was so mad but also overwhelmed by her feelings. Why would Chanyeol keep this all to herself? Why would she not contact Kyungsoo at all? Why, pray tell, didn’t she at least say goodbye?

Kyungsoo found the camera, and took a self picture. No, it wasn’t her doing aegyo nor was it her normal picture face. But Kyungsoo smiled for the camera, eyes brimmed with tears. She went to the desktop, caught herself staring too much at the wallpaper, then added a memo widget. “Update your wallpaper,” along with her address. In case of course, Chanyeol had forgotten. She _was_ about to leave the phone. Leave it for anyone responsible enough so that Chanyeol could get back to it. But she misclicked and was directed to the memos. 

A fuckton of notes were staring right back at her.

Kyungsoo didn’t really want to pry, but she had already gone so far. Why stop now? 

_dear diary,  
my therapist told me to stop recording myself and to just stick to writing stuff here. fine. i don’t really have anything to say. my day is filled with nothing but unhappiness. especially since i got sent to this hellhole. wtf how did my parents even find out I was gay? i thought it’s my parents who would separate me and kyungsoo but it turns out that she did it first. thinking about it really hurts me again. i should stop thinking about sad things. some guy tried to recruit me for some modelling company or some shit. hope this changes me for the better. love, pcy_

_dear diary,  
nice. everyone loved me today. i wish she still did. love, pcy_

_dear diary,  
i keep forgetting to fill this up. to my defense i’ve been really busy lately. a lot of shows and photoshoots. my therapist thinks i’ve stopped doing the selfcam thing but it’s the only thing that keeps me sane. talking to her. but anyway. i’m getting better. at least i stopped thinking that i’m a burden on the family. i rarely think about them. now that i’m making money i’m going to buy myself a house to live in soon. love, pcy_

_dear diary,  
what the fuck? some creepy director just tried to grope me. there goes my leg in his nutcrack. love, pcy_

_dear diary,  
i hate everything. where is kyungsoo? _

_dear diary,  
should I open Skype? i sent her a picture there. it was with a pair of my legs too. she’s probably too happy with her boyfriend to even care. no. no. i’m not thinking about jongin again. it’s my fault that he got in an accident in the first place. if i just hadn’t… ugh. stop SOTP st o_

_dear diary,  
it’s her birthday today. I should send a message. But everyone’s telling me to forget about her. i wish i could listen to them. love, pcy_

_dear diary,  
cute models everywhere. none with the body that i want. love, pcy_

_dear diary,  
my mom needs to fuck off. now that i get a bit of recognition she’s now preaching about accepting me in the fam. SHE OUTCASTED ME AND SENT ME OFF MILES AWAY. how dare she? homophobic jerks. i’m never going to change. love, pcy_

_dear diary,  
this still exists. oh. _

_dear diary,  
seoul next week. will she remember me? i don’t look at my phone as much because she’s the wallpaper. i should really just forget her. or delete the pic ofc. but i can’t bring myself to it. love, pcy_

_dear diary,  
today’s the day. the show sold out in less than 20 minutes wow. i’m not really comfortable with what im gonna wear. i’m just gonna get this over with. anyway. i changed my wallpaper back to this precious picture. my therapist can’t bug me when she’s stuck back in london. ahh the benefits of travelling. i also haven’t seen Homophobic Jerks in like 20 years lol and i’m fine with it!! there’s just really one person that i need to see please be th_

Although it was weird that the last part was cut off, Kyungsoo noticed that while the selfcams all seemed so happy, this note was just… filled with hate and a lot of angst. Kyungsoo felt chills just by reading it. 

“Hey, we’re closing.” The same guy took her out of her train of thought. 

Kyungsoo bowed meekly. “Ah, I’m sorry.” In her haste, she grabbed both the phone and Chanyeol’s bag. With a bit of reluctance, because who knows, she said, “Can you… give this back to Park Chanyeol? Park Chanyeol. That’s her name.”

“I know who Park Chanyeol is,” he deadpanned.

Kyungsoo gulped. “Right. Well, anyway. Bye.” 

 

Kyungsoo couldn’t sleep that night. 

Hopefully, Chanyeol hadn’t decided to be a fuckwit and forget that she had left her phone and belongings unattended. 

She woke up. There weren’t any new messages.

So she waited for a few more hours.

She was sure she’d come. 

Her phone beeped at 5 oclock. It was from Jongin. 

Oh. _Kyungsoo, Hyein and I are going out of town for a few weeks. Maybe months. We’re going to unwind for a bit. I already told work. I hope you have a good life. ^^_

 _Okay. That’s fine. He’s fine._ Few...more...hours.

In a state of boredom, she logged into Twitter and instantly regretted it. Sehun had posted about her and Jongdae on a vacation at some fancy place. A lot of pictures and a lot of swearing in her tweets. 

She couldn’t care less. Kyungsoo was going to ask Chanyeol to take her to England, France and just everywhere she had gone to. They were going to be unstoppable.

So she waited for a few more hours.

Which turned into days.

Weeks passed by.

And no sooner than later, weeks became months.

“Get some fresh air, god,” Sehun had said over the phone, still on their fancy vacation that Jongdae’s huge ass wallet could afford. “She probably noticed her phone was gone when she was halfway across the world so she brought a new one. Call her manager or something.” 

“I am outside,” Kyungsoo had replied, irritated. “I hate the sun.” 

“Step one complete. Now you just have to go to your new job. Then you win at life.” 

Kyungsoo had groaned but made her way towards work anyway. Just last week she had to break it to her boss that she wasn’t really happy with her call center job and that she was quitting. One of the advantages of being Sehun’s friend was that she had found her a new one so easily. Sehun had a friend, Johnny, who was the manager of a bar downtown. While Kyungsoo had no experience with serving or whatsoever, Johnny had reassured her that she would learn in no time. 

The bartender there, whose name was Minseok, had to teach her for at least two months before Kyungsoo could finally serve tables without dropping a glass or two. She was getting the hang of it.

Everyone had been nice so far, save for the occasional creeps that would try to make a pass on her. It was one of the times Kyungsoo wished her looks could kill. But there were some nice people who tried to hit on her, albeit a minority. 

Kyungsoo had to explain that no, she wasn’t looking for anyone at the moment. 

“Have you heard of Park Chanyeol?” 

Kyungsoo’s ears perked up at the name. Minseok had his tablet on his hand, scrolling furiously. It was a slow day at work, and Kyungsoo was cleaning the same table for the third time, just for something to do, by the time the bartender spoke up. “Uh, yes? Why?” She couldn’t believe she would hear such a name was spoken by something that wasn’t her thoughts. She hadn’t exactly told anyone else in her new job about Chanyeol. But then she remembered that Chanyeol was a global superstar now. 

“Apparently she’s dating 2ne1’s Dara? They were seen eating together at a restaurant in New York.” 

Her breathing stopped short. “That’s…” she managed to say after a few seconds, “...nice. I hope they’re happy.” Kyungsoo would never get what she wanted, she had realized. It was just better to feel joy for people that were blessed with happiness than to feel bitter about it. Sehun would say she’d grown up.

“It’s just a rumor anyway,” Minseok shrugged. “But it’s circulating fast on the web. I don’t know what this will do to both of their careers. I mean… homosexuality here in Korea is…” 

_Chanyeol still gets shit for her sexuality. It honestly needs to stop._ “They’ll overcome any obstacle if they really love each other.” It hurt saying that. But she’d get over it.

Minseok observed her, putting his face on his palm. “I can’t believe things like that just came out of your mouth. Have you ever fallen in love, Kyungsoo?” 

“My last relationship ended a few months ago,” she admitted. “I’m not really interested in dating as of the moment. I figured I wanted to love myself instead of having someone else do it for me.” She threw a smile i his direction and excused herself to go to the bathroom. 

Locked up in a cubicle, that was the only time she let the tears fall out. 

 

—————————————

 

__

6:59pm I just saw on twitter. What a dick.

7:00pm Sehun I’m fine.

7:02pm Huh really. But seriously why would she do that?

7:09pm It’s called moving on. Can you text later? I’m still at work.

7:09pm Wow ok. Be nicer to the person who got you that job sheesh. 

7:13pm Later Sehun.

—————————————

 

Kyungsoo used to remember how she hated loud music. She still did, that’s why she was thankful that the bar wasn’t the overly loud type. There were people who performed on a stage set up beside the bar but most of them sang nice, slow songs. Not the grating sounds Kyungsoo would hear whenever she passed the neighboring club on her way to work. 

“I won’t do it,” Kyungsoo waved Minseok off with a flick of her hand one evening. “None of the words in my job specification had ‘sing to drunk people’ in them.” 

Minseok puffed his cheeks, putting his hands together in a form of prayer. “Please, Kyungsoo. I can’t sing to save my life. You’re our only chance. I would ask the other bartender but he’s… new… and pretty.” 

“Are you saying I’m not pretty?” Kyungsoo side-eyed him while hiding a smirk. 

Minseok put his hands on her shoulders. “Of course not! You’re our prettiest worker here! It’s just that… that Lu guy always looks like he wants to punch me whenever I see him staring. Anyway! Go.” He pointed at the mic, with the spotlight hitting it. 

It made Kyungsoo tremble. Sing? Her singing was alright but… what if the people didn’t like it? There were at least thirty people inside the bar right now, some of them waiting for the show to get started. Kyungsoo wanted to curse the assigned performer for tonight, who’d just called in sick at the last minute. She’d asked them to just cancel the show altogether but the manager wasn’t having any of it. 

It had fallen to Minseok’s hands to do something about it. And apparently this was his idea. 

Heart beating fast, she slowly trudged towards the empty stage. People stared at her as she passed. She took a deep breath, voice stuttering, “Uh, I’m r-really sorry about this b-but Minah’s in bed sick. So… if you all don’t mind I’ll be the one singing.” 

They seemed fine with it, at least, if their silence meant consent. Kyungsoo waited for at least a few seconds before starting to sing. She had never sung in front of more than two people before. Silly girl had even forgotten to take breathing exercises before stepping into the spotlight. _Stupid stupid stupid_. What if her voice cracked?

The lyrics to SNSD’s Baby Steps came out of her mouth so smoothly, though, and she saw that she had almost caught all of the people in the bar’s attention. Trying to clear her head, she closed her eyes until the song finished, with everyone giving her a good round of applause. 

Kyungsoo felt butterflies in her stomach at the sound. “I’m going to sing 8dayz by Megan Lee next. Please enjoy.” This time, she sang the song with a lot more ease, feeling less nervous. Some of the crowd decided to join in. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Johnny sitting with another person, nodding along to the song. Her eyes searched for Minseok and while he was busy tending the bar, he would throw her a smile every now and again.

She sang several more songs, finishing the set rather relaxed, and by the end she was even enjoying it. Kyungsoo bowed while the audience applauded a final time. She stopped in her tracks when Johnny motioned for her to go over to his table.

Oh no. _He was nodding along earlier. He must have liked it._ If anything bad was going to happen, she had Minseok to blame. 

As soon as she saw Johnny’s smile, she heaved a sigh of relief. “You did well, Kyungsoo. Who knew you had such a voice?” 

Kyungsoo fought down a blush. “It was Minseok’s idea.” 

“My friend here enjoyed it too, I believe.”

Kyungsoo turned to the other person. It was a woman, who Kyungsoo couldn’t get a good look at because of the huge sunglasses she had covering her face. She managed a little smile and murmured a “thanks”. 

“You have a very beautiful voice,” the woman said and Kyungsoo’s eyes widened a bit. That deep, smooth voice couldn’t be mistaken for that of anyone but _her_. Frozen in her spot, Kyungsoo felt like the world had stopped. 

Johnny interrupted with, “Oh, Kyungsoo, you must be familiar with Park Chanyeol? She’s here taking a vacation from being a hotshot superstar. Chanyeol, this is Kyungsoo, our new waitress.” Johnny might have been the one talking, but Kyungsoo just couldn’t take her eyes off Chanyeol. “She had to take a break from the paparazzi always being around,” Johnny explained. “That dating rumor’s gotten out of hand. It’s just people looking at a friendly date with malice, isn’t it, Chanyeol? Tsk.” He shook his head. “People these days.”

That was it. That was all Kyungsoo had needed to hear. “Oh, I’m well aware of who she is.” A smile tugged the corners of her lips up, although she did her best to suppress the grin she wanted to make. 

And, surprisingly, Chanyeol smiled back.

FIN

**Author's Note:**

> I'm never writing again. Massive thanks anyway to my beta C!!! You're awesome. I'm going to dedicate this one to you!! Also to K, 2!As, and my Yogi Bear.


End file.
